No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe.
Call me a weirdo. …
“You’re a weirdo!”
Very funny.
But whatever you call me, I couldn’t care less about the “Friends” reunion making “Top Stories” queues worldwide; I have absolutely zero interest in what Paul “Lyin'” Ryan has to say about a flim-flam man he doesn’t have the stones to call out by name; and I am definitely not celebrating the first “post-plague” Memorial Day weekend by joining 37 million of my fellow Americans in motoring around the nation with gas prices at a peak not seen since 2014.
Vegas? Orlando? Seriously? You want to get me near Sin City or Disney World at three smacks per gallon, Skeeter, you’re gonna need a bigger sneeze shield. I’m thinking an all-encompassing dome, something a little green fella can use to sight in the old laser cannon, ack ack ack.
I’d watch that shit all day long. But I ain’t watching no “Friends” reunion. Ain’t a laser cannon big enough, not in this galaxy or any other.
Tags: Friends, Mars Attacks, Memorial Day, Paul Ryan
Mad Blog Media 
May 27, 2021 at 4:52 pm |
I would likely prefer waterboarding to listening to that clown car babble on.
May 27, 2021 at 4:57 pm |
Speaking of motoring around the nation, I saw one of these million dollar beasts on US 84/285 today while coming home from work. I had no memory of a production 918 so looked it up when I got home.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porsche_918_Spyder
May 27, 2021 at 5:09 pm |
Speaking of million-dollar beasts, I have seen two of these things in the Duke City. Somebody makes a lot more money than me.
OK, so a lot of somebodies make more money than me. But still.
May 27, 2021 at 6:24 pm |
F*#k Porsche, Audi & Sprinter/Mercedes/Winnebago. I have worse things to say about the Earth Roamer crowd.
May 27, 2021 at 7:11 pm |
Jeziz, a mere 186k starting price for the Winnebago/Mercedes? Just for shits and grins, I looked up the price of the now discontinued 918. Going for well over a million bucks.
May 27, 2021 at 9:14 pm |
https://www.dupontregistry.com/autos/results/porsche/918–spyder
May 27, 2021 at 8:32 pm |
I just think about closing the deal, driving off the lot, and instantly getting T-boned by a drunk in a stolen car texting a dick pic to his girlfriend.
May 27, 2021 at 8:59 pm |
Heh. You must live in New Mexico…
May 28, 2021 at 6:49 am |
I was coming back from a cat-food run yesterday when a couple street racers passed me on Menaul between Landman and Tramway doing at least 20 mph over the posted limit. It seemed like an awful waste of gasoline to beat me to the stoplight.
I wonder how one of these tinpot Civics would fare against the GTO I borrowed for a dope run back in 1972. I got into a four-wheel drift at 110 mph in a downhill corner on I-25, south of Colorado City, and decided then and there that I would never be Jackie Stewart.
May 28, 2021 at 7:35 am |
Those tinpot Civics were never intended to be driven that fast. Back when we lived in Kahalai near the H-1 elevated section east (I should actually say “Koko Head”) of Kaimuki, two hot rodders were racing on the H1, one in a Civic and I suspect both with nitrous oxide kits. The following car got too close and “caught air” and lifted off the road, lost control, went over the barrier, and crash landed in a gas station. The biggest piece of car left was apparently the engine block. The driver ended up in smaller pieces.
Even a purpose-built fast car can be driven stupidly, as I have demonstrated more than once. Back in Honolulu I had a Porsche 944 Turbo S, rated at top speed of over 160 mph. Before the H-3 tunnel was built, there were two sections of H-3, one a heavily used section on the Honolulu side and one pretty much empty on the Kailua-Kaneohe side since the purpose was to take the tunnel from one side of the Koolaus to the other and there was no tunnel. One day, just to exercise the car, I took it up into triple digits on the empty side. Deciding to slow down from about 140 as I approached the exit to my friend’s house, I put on the brakes and of course not much happened as I was not thinking about the physics of braking from that speed (kinetic energy going as speed squared meant I was trying to scrub off six and a half times as much energy as if I was doing the speed limit) so I shot past the exit rather than try to take a tight exit at over 100, and ended up having to turn around at the Marine Corps base. Never tried that again and eventually sold the car because it was a death wish and as my wife said, I was putting my Porsche mechanic’s kids through a rather expensive college.
May 28, 2021 at 8:36 am |
Never owned a hot car, just basic transportation. I did get picked up by a dude in a Jaguar XKE once while hitchhiking to visit a friend in Palmer Lake. When we hit Colorado 105 just west of I-25 he punched it and took at least 10 years off my life. There’s something disconcerting about bowling along at triple digits with your keister just a few inches off the deck.
May 28, 2021 at 9:35 am
Yeah, I know about being a passenger in that situation. I caught a few rides home with a friend who lives in Santa Fe who liked to cruise at about 85 on the roads from Bombtown to the City Indifferent. Always took me an hour afterwards to relax my sphincter. And she is a very good driver, lead foot notwithstanding.
The BMW will put your eyeballs into the back recesses of one’s skull, but I rarely use it except to get out of trouble, such as getting the hell away from someone who is weaving all over the road or a line of tailgater.
May 28, 2021 at 11:18 am
Oooch! The XKE was one of my dream cars when I was a kid. Wasn’t that a 12 cylinder engine under a one piece cowling? Never sat in one, but someone told me there was a warning label in the later versions that said not to open the windows when travelling in excess of 100 MPH.
May 28, 2021 at 12:44 pm
Amateur hour. If you want your sphincter to squeeze tight enough to cut a railroad spike, only one vehicle will do. Hayabusa.
May 28, 2021 at 1:06 pm
Or maybe, Tesla!
May 28, 2021 at 4:23 pm
My doctor has a Hayabusa. Some guy at work has one too. He parks it next to my bike.
May 27, 2021 at 5:12 pm |
I hear some Jewish folks have a laser cannon in space aimed in California. Started forest fires and shit with that bad boy. You keep spouting off, they might ack ack ole Rancho Pendejo.
May 27, 2021 at 5:15 pm |
Naw, we cool. The Irish are one of the Lost Tribes of Israel, don’t you know.
Of course, our booze is better than theirs, which is why we got lost in the first place.
May 28, 2021 at 9:41 am |
The Irish have Glenlivet, The Israelis have Milk & Honey. I put my money on your lost tribe.
May 27, 2021 at 8:20 pm |
Aw, common guys. Donchano people needs to git out after being cooped up? Speaking as one who lives in a place where they flock to, I won’t leave my house until Tuesday.
They leave their manners at home and their trash here.
May 27, 2021 at 8:25 pm |
I remember reading something in The New Mexican last year about how people had become even more piggish about the great outdoors during the pandemic than they were before. Found it hard to believe, but all you have to do is get out there and have a look-see. Yup. God’s green earth is just a giant open-air Dumpster to a lot of folks.
May 28, 2021 at 6:44 am |
Talk about “scaling up”. We’re working hard to fill the oceans up with our waste …. can our galaxy be next? https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/station/news/orbital_debris.html
May 29, 2021 at 10:13 am |
Had a bike trip weekend planned for Memorial Day, but scrubbed it because of the weather forecast. Just cabin-camping, hiking in RMNP instead. But after loading the car for a bikeless trip, realized there ain’t no room for a spare tube, bottle of White Lightning (the kind for chains, not the kind my grandpappy used to make), or even a Clif bar.
I’ll have to dig thru the AC archives but wondering if anyone knows of a good article about bike trips with kids. They look so small and cute and harmless, but their volume expands exponentially if you look at them funny.
We’ve entered the choose-your-poison phase of parenting. Multi-tasking adventure weekends are out of the question. Just too much gear. We can hike or fish or bike or paddle, but you have to choose one.
May 29, 2021 at 5:59 pm |
The neighbors pissed off yesterday for a camping gala with seven other families. Reserved an entire campsite they did. You shoulda seen that 4Runner as it lumbered off. It looked like a crackhead stole it, crashed it into a Dick’s Sporting Goods, and carried off whatever he could stuff inside, strap on the back, or lash to the roof.
May 29, 2021 at 6:12 pm |
Barring awful weather, we plan to drive to Beer Creek Brewery on NM-14 near Madrid on Monday for pizza and a couple cold ones, and put flowers on the grave of my former chemistry tech up here who was a Vietnam era veteran. Otherwise we will do our usual avoidance maneuvers and let everyone else engage in the usual clusterfuckery of Memorial Day Weekend.
May 29, 2021 at 8:33 pm |
Went to the park today for the city’s “Sips and Sky” event. Sips was us, sitting under a big pine in the park, sipping on brews from Barrio and Tombstone brewing. The sky part was crazy people running the trails in the mountains to 3 different peaks. Good music too. Had one jazz and funk band that reminded me of these guys when they did some funk tunes.
May 30, 2021 at 7:46 am |
We left the bikes at home and I still felt like Jed Clampette when I pulled out of the driveway. Only thing missing was Granny and her rocking chair strapped to the roof.