We’re open, but Dave’s not here, man

Chance of rain, but not much of one.

New Mexico is “open” again, whatever the hell that means.

Also, apparently you no longer have to toss your mota when pulled over by a chota, though the officer may have a few pointed questions regarding the expired plates on your auto, your lack of insurance for same, and the stolen ATM in the back seat.

Of course, you can’t actually buy the mota here legally because, like, nobody can remember where they left the fuckin’ paperwork, man.

Things darkened up a bit on my ride, but I never needed the fenders I didn’t have.

And when I motored down to the grog shop this morning for a selection of bottled alternatives, I observed that most folks in newly “open” New Mexico were keeping their face-holes closed to the general public. So I did likewise.

Outside the boozeatorium, meanwhile, my fellow primates were busy proving Darwin wrong.

On my way there I saw a westbound motorist casually swerve into the eastbound lanes on Comanche to hang a left into a driveway, rather than pull a sloppy U at the next cutout like every other drunkard in Duke City.

On my way back I saw a truck full of Natural Light Seltzer — bearing the legend, “The Seltzer You Never Saw Coming” — blow through the red at Menaul and Louisiana, at least two seconds late.

Ho, ho, etc. I not only saw it coming, I was expecting it. I always look both ways and count at least three Mississippis before I proceed on the green. I am in no hurry to discuss my CV with St. Peter.

Made it home alive, set a loaf of bread to baking, and then pissed off for my first bicycle ride this week. It was pleasant indeed to swap climates with the Pacific Northwest for a short while — neither the A/C nor the sprinkler system has come on for days — but Paddy needs his sunshine.

In other news … oh, hell, there is way too much stupid shit going on in the news for a small-time operator like me to face stone cold sober. Maybe tomorrow I’ll pick a pile and roll in it.

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22 Responses to “We’re open, but Dave’s not here, man”

  1. katholoch Says:

    so the drivers are just as bad as ever, there? I moved from Oakland to ABQ thinking I would be fighting less traffic and a’holes. Boy was I wrong. The drivers in ABQ at the time were bad, bad, bad.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      O, Lord, the drivers here are the worstest. Insane, impaired, inept. “Aggressively bad,” we call it.

      I refuse to use the interstates to get around. I figure that on the side streets you only have to worry about getting nailed at, say, 55 mph. If you’re in a hospital parking lot, or maybe motoring past a school with the flashing 15-mph signs lit and a crossing guard frantically waving his “STOP” sign.

      On the interstates it’s never less than 90 mph. And that’s in the breakdown lane.

      They will run red lights from side streets onto Tramway, from a standing start, because the 90-second wait for a green exceeds their attention span by, oh, 89.9 seconds. Turn left from the right lane and right from the left. Use all three lanes while making a right turn. Pull a U at any intersection marked with a “No U Turns” sign. Stop signs, of course, are merely advisory.

      You should see it when the power goes out and the traffic lights don’t work. It’s like “The Road Warrior,” but all the vehicles have working horns.

      • SAO' Says:

        And it seems like the worst of the lot forget what little skills they ever hard during the 2020 shut-down.

        Yesterday I followed a guy covered with Share the Road and FC Cyling bumper stickers, a Küat rack with a couple of Orbeas uploaded, and he couldn’t keep his Jeep out of the bike lane. A little bit of me just died, just gave up the fight.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Which reminds me. I forgot to mention the mail carrier using the Comanche bike lane as the official USPS Jeep Lane.

  2. khal spencer Says:

    Roll ’em if you got ’em, I guess. Unless you work for Uncle Sam.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Read an interesting story in The Colorado Sun the other day, about a coal mine reopening near Trinidad (“Gateway to Raton”). The mine honcho was complaining that he was having trouble finding qualified workers because all the applicants kept testing positive for marijuana.

      • Jon Paulos Says:

        Well isn’t that just a blast from the future. Avid sci-fi reader that I am, over the years a pretty fair amount of speculative fiction has speculated that the masses will be pacified by mass distribution of relaxing drugs. Looks like we’re well on the way to that.

        • khal spencer Says:

          Soma in Brave New World, for example?

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Weed’s got a ways to go before it catches up with watery industrial lager, TV, and Jeebus in the Opiates of the Masses Department.

        • Pat O’Brien Says:

          Don’t forget social media. What fun is treason if you can’t show it live on instagram or facebook?

          On other stupid shit, the Maryland gendarme stop vehicles of heavily armed guys and ask them for ID and to put their weapons down. These guys fled the scene. What if they had been black guys. Think those coppers might have busted a cap or two?

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          I didn’t see a story like that out of Maryland, but I did see one from Massachusetts. And oddly enough, the militia types were Black people, claiming to be “sovereign citizens” affiliated with the Rise of the Moors. Here’s some more on this from the Southern Poverty Law Center.

          I don’t know whether it’s good or bad that in this instance it’s Black people who are appropriating white “culture.”

  3. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Plenty of piles to go around. Kinda like the salad dressing section at the supermarket; there are too many choices. I’m not sure whether the oligarchy will take over the country first then Phoenix runs out of water or vice versa. Wait, you say the oligarchy has already taken over? Meanwhile, looks like Branson is winning the space race. Oh, joy. Important shit to be sure. I bet Musk goes to the ISS before the other two get off the ground.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Yeah, what is it, 1961 again? Rich dudes making suborbital flights. Whoopee.

      Meanwhile, can you imagine what the space aliens must be thinking about Virgin Galactic?

      “Shit, New Mexicans driving to space? They can’t even handle the ground! Park the mothership behind the moon, Xhgtyp-t’pai. They’ll never see it there.”

  4. Tony Geller Says:

    My story. Last week I was riding up Tramway from the casino. Near the top where it gets steepest, I saw a giant Ford pickup driving slowly down on the shoulder. That was bad enough, but as I got closer, I saw there was someone running just ahead of it in the traffic lane with a phone or camera apparently filming it as it was moving. So now I’m thinking this idiot is going to make a car go around him into the oncoming traffic lane and possibly into me on the shoulder. But the cherry on top was just as I was about to draw even with them, the runner opens the drivers side door and jumps in. There was no one in the truck as it was coasting down. Since I ride with a forward and rear mounted camera now, I have video of all this.

  5. Shawn Says:

    Did you not mean “and count at least three Albuquerques before I proceed on the green.”? It offers the same approximate time parameter and has that SW cultural flare.

    I visited my closest metropolitan hive yesterday and rescued a lost 2-wheel soul from the Iberian peninsula. Since I was the “Okie” in town visiting from a distant farm town, I did my best not to be a nuisance to the other drivers and I didn’t practice running in front of my driverless mighty-van.

  6. Pat O’Brien Says:

    It’s raining down here. Hard. Classic monsoon storm. Probably 1/2 inch in the last 30 minutes. The trees are dancing!

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