Smoke ’em if you got ’em

“I bet they send me those shitty Marlboro Lights, too.”

So, crypto bro Sam Bankman-Fried, who is charged with perpetrating “a fraud of epic proportions” involving billions of actual dollars, strolls out of the federal slam and flutters home to Cali to live with mommy and daddy, who are on the hook for his $250 million personal recognizance bond.

My mommy and daddy would have said, “We’ll send cigarettes.”

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20 Responses to “Smoke ’em if you got ’em”

  1. Opus the Poet Says:

    Jails are tobacco-free zones as they are government buildings, and it shows again that a few hundred thousand dollars are your problem, while a few billion dollars are our problem.

  2. Si little Says:

    Personal net worth statements. 2 Stanford professors, eh? And one a shrink.

  3. SAO' Says:

    My mom would have said, “Remember to wear five pair of boxers on arraignment day and don’t call collect.”

  4. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Different rules for us than for the Bankman bro. Bit the hammer will fall and he knows it. They can give him Bernie’s room at club fed. we

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      His people are diming him out right, left, and center. These kids today. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the bitcoin mine.

    • Pat O’Brien Says:

      First time the subject of crypto currency and NFT came up when I was talking to Andy, our riding bud and software guru, he said to stay far away from that shit. I had no intention of “investing” in any of it, and his advice confirmed it. Like twit and facebutt, crypto “mining” could go away tomorrow and no one would miss it except scammers like that asshole.

      • SAO’ Says:

        Crazy thing, it’s cool technology, in a sense. But every single feature has turned out to be a bug.

        Web3.0 is Going Just Great
        …and is definitely not an enormous grift that’s pouring lighter fluid on our already smoldering planet.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        I can’t even handle standard-issue U-nited States of America American currency. Putting greenbacks in me wallet is like putting ’em in the Enterprise transporter and punching in the destination “Wherever.”

      • Shawn Says:

        The North Koreans of course, won’t be too happy about crypto currency devaluation.

        I also understand the potential benefit of an online currency market, but only in a perfect world. Our world is the wild west of imperfection and keeping some kind of hard currency tucked away is always a good thing.

        • SAO’ Says:

          We’re just about to post that same link. Also read a story about how the anonymity feature is a total bust. Everything you do on the Blockchain is supposedly anonymous, but it’s also public and permanent, so it takes an AI/ML/bot about five seconds to piece together your bread crumbs and figure out who you are.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Meanwhile, just in case you thought Twatter and ButtFace and crypto (oh my!) were bad (and they are), how about TikTok spying on journalists? Daring Fireball’s John Gruber thinks Chinese-owned Internet services should be banned in the United States.

        As regards finance, I have traded all the paper we held for magic beans, which I have secured in a series of Mason jars and buried in the back yard.

        • Pat O’Brien Says:

          Tik tok spying? Say it isn’t so!

          I think the back yard deer ate all your magic beans.

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Shoot. I was wondering why the beanstalk had yet to eventuate.

        • SAO’ Says:

          Mason jars in the backyard? Next level security is hermetically sealed envelope’s any mayonnaise jar underneath Funk and Wagnall’s front porch.

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Retrieval is always the issue, of course. In college a roommate and I once grew paranoid and decided to hide a quantity of hashish in the dropped ceiling of our dorm hallway rather than in our room. It should go without saying that we were stoned when we hid it and could never find it again.

          • Pat O’Brien Says:

            Do you think it is still there?

          • Patrick O'Grady Says:

            I’ve often wondered that. Do you think hashish, like wine, gets better with age? We hid it in 1972. If so, that should be the doper’s version of a top-shelf single-malt Scotch by now.

          • Shawn Says:

            Oh no. Unless it was canned it would last only a day or so. But the rats in the dorm would certainly get it in only a few hours. But even then, the expiration date on the can is typically only a year or so. Why would you want to hide hash in a ceiling? Sheesh. That sounds like you’d have to have been smoking something to want to go to that effort.

          • Patrick O'Grady Says:

            There’s a reason I dropped out after two years; you may hazard a guess as to what it was. Shit, I nearly got evicted after my first quarter. The authorities cut me some slack and settled for academic probation.

            Speaking of probation, my roomie was on actual probation for dealing dope back in his hometown and was understandably nervous about the likelihood of a possession rap sending him to another sort of college altogether.

          • Shawn Says:

            Me and a buddy were once ordered out of the dorms by a hard nose Assistant Dean due to some shenanigans that we were proudly guilty of. It was finals week so it wasn’t like we were going to be homeless for the semester. Uniquely, I had arranged an appointment with the Dean regarding another matter a few days previously, and took the opportunity to discuss our deviant issue with him then. A phone call later and we were soon back downstairs meeting the Assistant Dean again. He was fuming as we strolled into his office. He gave us until the moment after our last final to get the hell out of the dorms. But as would have it, we were still deviants and we were probably the last students to leave the dorms a few days after our last finals. Ah the good ole days of college.

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