And they’re off!

The checkered flag for one year doubles as the starter’s pistol for the next.

Brand-new year, same old feeling:

What now?

I’ve been doing laps on this circuit since March 1954, and I suppose I should be happy that I haven’t been black-flagged yet.

2022 was the first time I’ve been off the clock for an entire calendar year since I signed on with the Gazette Telegraph back in 1977. That’s what I call an extended pit stop (props to the mechanics at Social Security for the fuel and new rubber all the way around).

You’d think that after such a lengthy pause for the cause I’d have decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. Nope. Pissed it away cycling, running, hiking, grocery shopping, cooking, playing with the cat, reading, watching TV, and dicking around on the Innertubes. When I wasn’t asking “How high?” whenever Herself barked “Jump,” that is.

The old man took up real-estate sales when he retired from the U.S. Air Force, but that’s not for me. The only thing I ever sold successfully (other than free-range rumormongery to publishers) was weed to hippies. It was loads easier for a prospective buyer to commit to a $12 lid and there was less paperwork involved.

“Need any papers with that?”

“Naw, man, I got a pipe.”

And unlike publishers, the hippies paid up front.

Hey, maybe I should run for Squeaker of the House? Looks like Kevin McCarthy isn’t getting the trade-in value he’d expected for that scratched-and-dented soul of his with its four bald retreads, the weird stains in the back seat, and the air freshener that ain’t quite gettin’ ’er done.

Naw. That’d be worse than dealing weed or words. Imagine having to listen to Marjorie Taylor Greene while pretending to care what she’s going on and on and on about. I’d have to start smoking that shit again.

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20 Responses to “And they’re off!”

  1. Jeff Cozad Says:

    It’s going to be “interesting” at High Noon in DC. Not sure who I’d like to see the ReThugs trot out as speaker. Perhaps a friend of mine alternate identity as Sister Nun Of The Above would be an ideal substitute

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’ve heard at least one shill for Orange Julius Caesar. The Squeaker doesn’t have to be a member of the House. Now wouldn’t that be amusing? The news would write itself for the next two years.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Ho, ho. Charlie McCarthy just got punked. Hakeem Jeffries got more votes than he did (212 to 203). Round two coming up.

      Two-Buck Chuck

      • Pat O’Brien Says:

        It’s going down just as Beau called it. And, the MAGA reps said they don’t get no respect. Not even the Long Island con man could get Charlie over the line. Definitely a greased pig contest on the house floor. Maybe Nancy can help him out?

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        I know it really doesn’t matter who’s zookeeper at the Lower Primate House, but it’s fun watching McCarthy front and center for the shit monsoon.

        And spa-lash! Another one in the kisser. He loses round two.

        • SAO’ Says:

          Always love it when the folks who whine about other folks’ entitlements don’t see their own. Dude thinks the jobs is his because he hasn’t been formally disqualified. Another mediocre middle aged white dude expecting his hand-out from Uncle Sugar. Now the only thing anyone will remember him for in 20 years will be breaking a century-old streak.

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Is it just me, or is this real dumb and pointless even for a bunch of Republicans? Next they’ll be wearing furs, painting themselves blue, and yelling “FREEEEEDUMBBBBBBB!” whilst head-butting each other.

          That being said, Hakeem Jeffries hadn’t been House minority leader for more than 30 seconds before he tried to slip his paw into my wallet pocket.

          • SAO’ Says:

            All I know is, when that lady from Georgia says you’re out of line, there’s gotta be a Paul Harvey Page 2 to this thing. Illuminati? Weather Underground? Secret Policemen’s Ball?

      • Pat O’Brien Says:

        Getting what he deserves! When he went to more legos to kiss some orange ass after January 6th he got a big “scumbag” tatoo on his forehead. But, whoever they pick in this goat rope becomes third in line. That does concern me in these times.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Good point. But whoever winds up Squeaker of this lot is unfit for any office, including the one s/he already holds. Can you imagine Airhead Jordan as preznit of these U-nited States?

      • Pat O’Brien Says:

        It is kind of fun to watch the repugs implode. Boy got knocked down again in round two.

  2. Chuck Says:

    Again?! I credit continued use for my boyish good looks (though I have the same issue as you with regard to hairline), and it’s legal (sort of) in my current domicile!

  3. SAO’ Says:

    Strike 3!!

  4. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    And now the House is adjourned until noon DC time manaña. The party never stops.

    I can’t wait to see what Charlie Pierce has to say.

  5. Dale E. Brigham Says:

    Republicans in Disarray — My Fave Headline!

    Glad to see the mouth-breathing legions of Rethugs chasing after laptops and ephemera. In my native West Texas, we woulda’ hit ’em upside the head with a 2X4 just to get their attention. Reality might do that to them in time.

    Dale in Mid-MO

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      O, lawd, it’s gonna be a long couple years. Is it too much to hope for, that Margie Taylor Made and Lauren Bozobert get into a steel-cage death match on the floor of the House? And maybe Airhead Jordan gets caught in the crossfire?

  6. Herb from Michigan Says:

    I wish you hadn’t made that MTG-TaylorMade reference. I’ll never be able to pull out my irons again without thinking about that nutcase. My game is bad enough as it is. Gonna have to melt them down and make something useful out of them. Wish I could to same with MTG.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Apologies, Herb old scout. It’s a bad habit. Like christening the Tesla Twit “E. Lawn Mulch” for his primary ingredient, which is manure.

      • Herb from Michigan Says:

        Dude if they hadn’t torn the joint down you could have had the best seat at the Algonquin Round Table. If as you say one could be Squeaker of the House without being a member of Congress, I propose you take the job. As long as there is going to be barking, yelping and sniffing of crotches, we should have our own dog in the fight.

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