Soil bank

What the heck, it’s just some wet bricks in the deck.

Probably not a great day to bury the bullion in the backyard.

We got about a quarter inch of rain overnight, and the weather wizards say more is on the way, through Monday at the very least.

Anyway, you want to bury your treasure in the dead of night so the neighbors can’t get a fix on its location. You come home from the grocery and find a big empty hole in the ground where your portfolio used to be and it will flat spoil the rest of your day.

Still, it might be safer under the sod than in a bank. I’m the last person on Earth you’d call a financial genius, but when all the wiseguys seem to have their heads up their holes maybe your wealth should go down one, where they can’t get their greedy little fingers on it without some manicure-wrecking shovel work.

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9 Responses to “Soil bank”

  1. Shawn Says:

    Perhaps you need a several thousand gallon underground poly-tank buried in the backyard to catch some of the liquid gold falling out of the sky. It seems that in the future, that stuff will be worth a lot more.

    With respect to a more solid form of value, a few golden eagles and krugerands are a lot easier to tuck away than a whole lot of paper money.

  2. Pat O’Brien Says:

    I like the 1oz Engelhard fine silver coins for a small stash. They also make fine gifts for any occasion. People love them.

  3. spliskin Says:

    That soft spot in the cellar floor, under the chest freezer- you know, the spot you were saving for the missionaries who won’t take no for an answer…

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      The new missionaries, in these parts, anyway, are door-to-door solar salespeople. Makes me want to get a real big dog, or maybe one of those clickers from “The Last of Us.”

  4. Dave Watts Says:

    Payday, so today I was at the bank, moving the monies around my accounts in such a complicated manner that even I won’t remember where it all is (so it is safe from the bank itself or thieves).
    Noticed at least ten times the number of customers waiting for their turn than normal. Probably a
    mini-run on the institution is my guess. Not enough employees to handle the crowd.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Gives you the creeps, doesn’t it? I’ve read so much apocalyptic fiction that whenever I see a big queue for something somewhere I think, “Shit, did I miss a memo or a news item or something? How’m I fixed for food and water and batteries and fuel and firewood and toilet paper and things that cut, clobber, or go ‘boom?'”

  5. SAO’ Says:

    No shit, when my dad’s dad passed, his will contained a map of the backyard showing where the mayonnaise jars were hurried.

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