Red moon rising

July 20, 2016July 20, 2016 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 22 Comments

I’ve been striving mightily not to watch as the GOP continues eating itself alive — it will get around to its big orange asshole tomorrow — but Lord, is it ever a tough ol’ slog.

All my usual news feeds are awash in pomposity, prevarication and psychosis. Not even the Tour could cheer me up today, and I took little pleasure in being proved correct when I predicted early on that Tejay van Gardenhose would enjoy his usual jour sans. Even an old, blind dog can unearth a moldy Milk-Bone now and then.

Tonight’s speakers list is a veritable Murderers’ Row of mendacity: Koch-sucker Scott Walker, Marco 3P0, Texas Ted Cruz the Gucci Shitkicker, veep-in-waiting Mike “Deadeyes” Tuppence, and Newt and Callista Gingrich, who probably have never starred in an adult movie titled “Mr. Toad Boinks a Robot,” no matter what you’ve heard about the uptick in porn consumption during the GOP confab in Cleveland, City of Light, City of Magic.

A red moon rising indeed. I think I’ll go crawl under my bed now.

The sausage is made

July 7, 2016 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 21 Comments

God damn. Another long shift in the barrel, including three-plus hours of Live Update Guy, one “Shop Talk” cartoon, and one “Mad Dog Unleashed” column.

Still, some people had worse days.

• The House GOP managed to fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking its thumb.

• Der Trumpenführer invaded Washington and it went over about as well as the Russian thing did for that other guy.

• Roger Ailes seems badly in need of a lock on his zipper (the filthy old shitbag may find that it’s better to keep rubbing his little weenie all over the news business than trying to stick it into actual, you know, like, women, an’ stuff).

• Albuquerque seems to be a giant open-air, free-range prison populated entirely by killers, thieves, firebugs, rapists and burglars.

• And don’t get me started on cops killing people just because they can.

Your Second Amendment at work

June 12, 2016June 12, 2016 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 29 Comments

Miss Mia Sopaipilla would like to know if it's safe to come out now. Because if it's not, she can stay right where she is and have her meals delivered. — Miss Mia Sopaipilla would like to know if it’s safe to come out now. Because if it’s not, she can stay right where she is and have her meals delivered.

Another mass shooting, this time in a Florida nightclub. Prepare yourselves for the tales told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, in 3, 2, 1. …

Morning sickness

June 8, 2016June 8, 2016 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 22 Comments

Color? Don't talk to me about color. All is black. — Color? Don’t talk to me about color. All is black.

Feeble sunrise this morning. The Universe must be disappointed in the results of the Democratic presidential primary.

Just wait till it hears about the results of the GOP presidential primary.

Still, things could be worse.

The greatest

June 4, 2016 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 13 Comments

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

I wasn’t a boxing fan until Muhammad Ali came along. And I’m not one now that he’s gone.

Like his fellow boxer Kris Kristofferson’s “Pilgrim,” Ali was “a walkin’ contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction.” Richard Pryor, who went a few rounds with him, said he was “so fast you don’t see his punches till they comin’ back.” Lord, was he fun to watch, and to listen to.

Some considered him a braggart, but it ain’t braggin’ if you can do it. And it’s one of sport’s greatest tragedies that he kept on doing it after he was no longer The Greatest.

His sting is gone. May he float like a butterfly.