Category: Deep political thought

Honky the Clown

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments
Tom Tancredo throws his wig into the ring.
Tom Tancredo throws his wig into the ring.

Tom Tancredo, Colorado’s perennial entrant in the national Our Crazy Guy Is Crazier Than Your Crazy Guy competition, has told Scott McIsn’t and Dan “Who the Hell Am I, Anyway? Maes to drop out of the GOP gubernatorial race or he’ll jump in as a third-party candidate.

“Mexicans! Communists! Terrorists! Abortionists!” said Tancredo. Well, not yet. But it’s coming.

Tancredo says he’ll run under the banner of the Constitution Party, which could (and probably should) hold its convention in a short bus, with free rubber helmets for all attendees.

The party already has a candidate — Benjamin Goss, another household name — but he doesn’t sound all that committed. On Wednesday, he told The Denver Post that he remained in the race “at this point.” Uh huh. And Bert Grabsch remains in the Tour, too. He’s just not gonna win it.

The stage GOP is shitting itself, naturally. Dick Wadhams, chairman of the Colorado GOP, told The Post that if Tancredo carries through on his threat, he “will be responsible for the election of Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper as governor” and jeopardize other state races.

Well, then. As another great leader once said, “Bring it on.”

Twin sons of different mothers?

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 5 Comments

This is weird. Kevin Drum just wrote a post that in spirit mimics a draft column I decided not to send to Bicycle Retailer & Industry News.

Mine had more bicycle crap in it, of course. And hardly any political snark, barring a quick left hook to Caribou Barbie’s spastically winking phiz. So they were practically identical, except for content ’n’ stuff. Plus Kevin says “fuck” less often than I do.

But we both are clearly in need of a vacation. Any ideas? I’m contemplating a hot-springs cycling tour of south-central Colorado on my kinda-sorta “touring bike,” the Soma Double Cross, but I’m absurdly vulnerable to peer pressure. Leave your suggestions in comments.

Incidentally for all you wisenheimers, Thomas McGuane already penned the definitive Hell-as-a-vacation-destination gag in “Nothing But Blue Skies.”

The Mobius turd

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 3 Comments

Scott McIsn’t is full of shit. Sharron Angle is full of shit. Jon Kyl is full of shit. John Boehner is full of shit. Sue Myrick is full of shit. I think I’m starting to see a pattern here. … and it looks like a pachyderm’s footprint.

While we’re speaking about shit, Texus Maximus appears to have stepped in some. It’s tough to keep knocking ’em out of the park when the press has finally benched the fat teenager slow-pitching the softballs and brought up the major leaguer with the rocket-propelled arm. Am I an owner? A rider? Christ, ask me something about cancer, can’t you?

Hell, I can’t remember what I was doing 15 minutes ago, much less in 2004, and nobody from The New York Times is asking me about it, something that tends to peg the Fear needle at redline. I immediately channel the late Richard Pryor berating a fanboy snapping pix of him during a standup. “What you taking my picture for? Who you gonna show it to?” he demanded.

Call me cynical, but I expect that RadioShack’s PR flacks will be the ones dodging the beanballs going forward. “Ms. Macur? Hello, I’m Fullo Schidt, Mr. Armstrong’s intern for Media Ax-Grinding and Agendas … how may I be of assistance?”