Soccer to me

RFD-Logo-12062013I’ve put my foot in it again — this time, the target is a pro soccer franchise that needs a million-dollar kiss on the lips before it will screw the sports fans here in Bibleburg.

Yes, yes, yes — it’s your Finally Friday installment of Radio Free Dogpatch.

• Editor’s note: I’m in the process of moving Radio Free Dogpatch from its home at the old Mad Dog Media.com website to the podcast host Libsyn. Once the transition is complete, if you’re interested — as I appear to be, for no justifiable reason — you should be able to subscribe to RFD via iTunes. I think. I hope. I’ll keep you posted.

Off of my lawn, Junior Birdmen!

Radio Free Dogpatch first "aired" in November 2005, then promptly swirled down the Loo of History. It's back now, God help us all.
Radio Free Dogpatch first “aired” in November 2005, then promptly swirled down the Loo of History. It’s back now, God help us all.

One of the nice parts about the season winding down is that I generally find a minute or two for playtime.

Well, nice for me. Maybe not so nice for other people. You, for example.

See, I got this idea that maybe I should play around with audio a little more. Mike Creed and I were talking about podcasting the other day — he has a fine one going on — and Mike was surprised to learn that I’d been fiddling with the medium back in 2005.

• The Radio Free Dogpatch archives

I explained that I always felt slightly ridiculous talking into a microphone (though I don’t seem to have any problems holding extended conversations with the voices in my head) and just sort of wandered away from audio, thinking maybe it wasn’t for me.

But shucks. I have all this stuff lying idle around the joint — microphones, headphones, computers, software — and it seems silly to let it go to waste. Having done a few video reviews for the Adventure Cycling people, I feel a little less self-conscious about addressing an invisible audience. And sometimes it’s just fun to do something different.

For me, anyway.

So here we go — it’s a brand-new edition of Radio Free Dogpatch, back from the grave for no defensible reason.

And just when you thought it was safe to go back in the Innertubez, too.

The path of most resistance

The streets are safer, even with a light coating of leaves.
The streets are safer, even with a light coating of leaves.

If you ever wonder why so many Americans have so much trouble making their government function, just watch them making a shambles of another shared space — the infinitely simpler bike path.

I nearly got crashed twice yesterday — first by a pair of knucklehead roadies in team kit who cut across my bow in Goose Gossage Park, exiting the bike path for the street without bothering to check for oncoming traffic, and a few minutes later by some helmetless dipshit on a beater road bike careening down the wrong side of a sketchy slope coated with sand and pea gravel.

Mind you, these incidents constituted the cherries atop a turd-cake that included the usual ingredients — oblivious strollers three abreast, untrained dogs sans leash, and fleawits wandering across the path without checking to see whether they might be about to violate the laws of physics by trying to occupy the same space at the same time as a 180-pound Irish-American on a 30-pound touring bike traveling at 15 mph.

The offenders invariably wear the blank, bovine gaze of a feedlot cow doomed to wear a soggy bun, a slice of pickle and some processed cheese “food” in the afterlife. And yet some of us we marvel at the popularity of Rupert Murdoch’s various entertainment outlets, which shove a similarly toxic product at the feeble-minded through the flat-panel windows in their living rooms.

How hard can it be to walk, run and ride to the right, pass left, and keep your fucking eyes open?

‘Take some more tea,’ the March Hare said

`I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a great many more than three.'
`I didn’t know it was YOUR table,’ said Alice; `it’s laid for a great many more than three.’

Alas, The Beast is back in business in Washington, D.C. Lord, how the Constitutionalists’ comments must be a-flyin’ over at The Gazette‘s website. Repeat after me: Don’t read the comments; don’t read the comments; don’t read the comments.

The Teabillies’ tantrum cost the nation billions — there’s that Big Gummint hand in your pocket again, but this time it’s wearing a Louie Gohmert Decoder Ring — and based on the early returns, it taught them exactly fuck-all.

“There’s an old adage: There’s nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule,” mused Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.), shortly after voting in favor of the package. “Maybe there’s been a little bit of education—we’ll see.”

Oh, and for any Coloradans idled by the feddle-gummint shutdown, only Doug Lamborn (R-Lipton) voted to keep it going. Feel free to ask him why.