“Nah, that’s not chicken shit. That’s chicken salad. Enjoy!”
The U.S. Constitution is a poor defense against a ruthless huckster hellbent on selling snake oil to the rubes.
“No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriation made by Law. …”
“Fuck you. Sue me. And guess who pays for the lawyers?”
Always nice to see the smarties having a word.
Even if they can’t spell it.
Well.
I’m not sure what he was saying, exactly. But whatever it was, he sure told us.
Uncomfortably dumb.
“Miley Cyrus plays Pink Floyd?”
All in all, you’re just another shtick in the mall.
Maybe what we need is a Maglite/Clorox death ray. Let’s ask the aliens for the loan of one next time they pop round to butt-probe a hillbilly.
“And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute — one minute — and is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleaning?” he asked. “Because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that.”
Jesus, this guy is dumb. Dumber than a bag of sunsplashed hammers. Dumber than a sack of freshly bleached hair. A few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
Sure thing, Dr. Demento. Let’s all mainline some Clorox, with tactical flashlights up our keisters. You go first.
The Turtle plays the old shell game. Original photo by Susan Walsh | AP
“I would certainly be in favor of allowing states to use the bankruptcy route. It’s saved some cities, and there’s no good reason for it not to be available … My guess is their first choice would be for the federal government to borrow money from future generations to send it down to them now so they don’t have to do that. That’s not something I’m going to be in favor of. Or perhaps they might consider marrying into a wealthy maritime shipping family.” — Mitch McConnell on borrowing to assist state and local governments.*
* Except for that last sentence, which he’s never gonna say out loud the way he did when he was looking for a rich woman to marry.
Everything these people say for public consumption should come with an asterisk and a footnote reading:
“Caution. May contain toxic amounts of bullshit.”
The New York Times has stepped on its old gray dick again, with a headline reading “Trump Tests Negative.”
These bozos still don’t get it. The man is a documented liar a thousand times over, and yet they insist on feeding us preposterous bullshit like this.
The Washington Post gets it right with “Trump tests negative for coronavirus, physician says.” See how easy that is? Absent independent verification, you attribute the statement.
“Hey, we never said that shit. His doctor did.”
If the sonofabitch said the sun rises in the east, I would step outside to see for myself. And on more than one morning, too.
This beast has nearly as much screen real estate as my living room. The difference is, my living room gets better mileage and won’t be found parked on top of a cyclist because I was having trouble deciding what to watch.
Call me old-fashioned, but when I read a statement like this …
The most important screen for any driver of the new Escalade is the 14.2-inch digital instrument cluster that sits just behind the steering wheel.
… I long for the days when editors, like, y’know, edited, an’ stuff.
I would argue that “the most important screen for any driver of the new Escalade” is the fucking windshield.
Our man at The Verge doesn’t get around to wondering whether this mechanized multiplex is a good idea until quite late in the piece. Given that the curb weight of the 2020 2WD model is 5,311 pounds, you may consider me a strong “No” on that question.
Nobody needs 38 inches of OLED on the ROAD, which s/he shares with pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists, and other, lesser autos, like UPS trucks, cement mixers, and SWAT-team armored cars. You want to play with screens, get a living room and a comfy chair.
The DNC strives to make chicken salad from … well … you know.
Reg: I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in the minutes as probationary martyrs to the cause.
Loretta: I second that, Reg.
Reg: Thank you, Loretta. On the nod. Siblings! Let us not be downhearted! One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning!
• Editor’s note: My sense of humor briefly deserted me yesterday. But I think I should get off with crucifixion (first offense).
P’raps it comes from the zoo!
The Iowa Democratic Party, not the penguin.
Well, without Larry and The Professor around to keep an eye on things, Iowa has intercoursed the penguin, caucus-wise.
It’s a bit early for Valentine’s Day, but still, what a lovely gift to the Republicans, que no?
“They can’t even run a caucus in Iowa, and they want to run the country? We’ll have more on the Fake Iowa Caucuses later in our programme. In the meantime we present the first episode of a new radio drama series, ‘The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots.’ Part One: ‘The Beginning.’ ”
• Editor’s note: For anyone unfamiliar with the voodoo that they do so badly in Iowa, here’s John Nichols on the procedure.
Patrick O'Grady sells words and pictures to Adventure Cyclist, Bicycle Retailer and Industry News, and pretty much anyone else who can spell his name correctly next to the phrase which sounds so musical to his aged ears: "Pay to the order of. ..." For more on Your Humble Narrator, click the comic.
Patrick O'Grady was bad enough with pen and ink. He got worse
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Now he has a microphone.
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Drink the Kool-Aid
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