An Unhappy Meal for Impeachy the Clown

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments
We’re all bozos on this bus. Some of us more than others.

Well, I see the SS boys couldn’t keep Impeachy the Clown away from the TV all day yesterday, not even with hourly delivery of Happy Meals soaked in Thorazine.

No, he got word that his Name was being taken in vain, and he clenched his tiny fists and screeched like a gassy toddler, ordering aides to paint iguanas with the names “Raskin,” “Neguse,” and “Castor,” then biting off their heads. The iguanas, not the aides.

The House managers made Impeachy’s second-string legal team look like a couple of drunks pulled randomly from stools at Mar-a-Lago’s 19th hole. Their arguments for not going to trial were basically:

He didn’t do it.

Free speech! He was just sayin’, y’know?

Missed him, missed him, now you gotta kiss him!

Partisan Democrats!

Etc.

The Democrats said: “Let’s go to the tape!” Of which there was plenty.

Jesus H., etc. The writers at “SNL” can take this week off. They can just run with the transcript on this one. Maybe get Horny the Organic Shaman to do the cold open.

I know, I know; Impeachy’s tools could go full-on Clarence Darrow or just sit there and mumble “Fuck you” to everything the House managers say. The outcome is preordained.

But if they ever want to get honest work Castor and Schoen are going to need some more time at the practice tee. And they’ll get it, too. Impeachy is going to stiff them for this shit, and they’re gonna have to sue his fat ass for nonpayment, like everybody else.

Have mercy, been waitin’ on the e-bus all day

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 7 Comments
Got your brown paper bag and your take-home pay?

So, we start the week with a shot of seltzer in the snoot for Impeachy the Clown and follow it up with a squeeze to the wheeze of our local Bozos and their e-buses.

Hur-ry, hur-ry, hur-ry! It may not be The Greatest Show on Earth, but it is another episode of Radio Free Dogpatch!

Yes, it’s free! Join the expectant crowd gathering now as we stop here on [Intellectual Property Theft Street]. Live in The Future: It’s just starting now. As for The Past, well — we’ve been taken for a ride down the Mother Road before.

P L A Y    R A D I O    F R E E    D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This time around I cheapskated the podcast using an Audio-Technica ATR2100-USB mic (a model since discontinued) and Rogue Amoeba’s Audio Hijack. Editing was in Apple’s GarageBand, with an assist from Auphonic. Sound effects courtesy of Zapsplat, including the background music, “Waiting Game” by Dave Miles. Special guest appearances by The Firesign Theatre and ZZ Top, who did not know they were making special guest appearances, and if you don’t tell them, we won’t either. Let’s just keep this moment of simulated exhilaration locked under our wigs.

Shelter from the Sturm und Drang

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 6 Comments
Sen. DeMille (R-Rome) makes a point of order.

Herself was giddy with anticipation this morning, chirping merrily about impeachment.

“It’s trial, not impeachment,” I mumbled as I lurched creakily out of bed. “He’s already been impeached. Twice.”

“Don’t give me any of your semantics,” she retorted, then sang, “Impeachment, impeachment, impeachment,” as she flounced out of the bedroom and back to her office, where she had already begun flogging herself with NPR’s “Morning Edition.”

Frankly, I have been enjoying hearing and reading next to nothing about you-know-who, which of course is exactly what they want. Who are “they,” you ask? You know. Them. Those guys.

I know, I know. He’s got it coming. And I’d like to see him get it, too. I mean, you don’t not prosecute the guy who robs the bank just because he had already fled the scene with the dinero. And chapeau to the House for taking another swing at this fat orange piñata.

But it all feels like one of those cast-of-thousands movies where all the wrong Romans wind up on the pointy end of the sword or quietly bleeding out in a bath somewhere. There are too many senators who think they can be the next Orange Julius Caesar, if only they can ensure that the rabble doesn’t get its togas in a twist.

Travels with Frances

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments

I want to see this movie.

Surprise, surprise, hey? The guy whose Motel 6 of choice used to be a Toyota pickup with a six-foot bed and a topper wants to see a movie about people who live in their vehicles.

Well, for your information, wiseguys, I read the book of the same name, by Jessica Bruder, and it was excellent. And furthermore, I would watch a flick about paint drying if Frances McDermond were in it.

So, yeah. You can find me with a big box of popcorn in front of the TV on Feb. 19 when “Nomadland” comes to Hulu. But queueing up for a gig at Amazon’s new fulfillment center on the west side? Not this old rubber tramp.

Remember, I read the book. Anyway, I don’t have a Toyota pickup anymore.