The roses on the back patio are doing as well as ever, and maybe better.
Roses are exploding on their trellis, the irises are going full tilt, and the lawn — well, it actually looks kind of like a lawn.
And those little green apples that God didn’t make? Well, somebody did. We’re gonna have a metric shit-ton of those inedible sonsabitches to contend with here directly.
Good thing we don’t have a Triffid. Judging by the way everything else is coming along, our little cinder-block wall sure wouldn’t restrict its movements any.
Nossir, that sucker would be striding around and about the Greater Comanche Foothills Yacht & Cricket Club, snatching up the neighbors and their pets, lowering property values, and making Republicans of the survivors.
“Call Uber, see if they’ve got those flying cars up and running yet. I’d like to get the hell out of here.”
Remember when Google’s motto used to be “Don’t be evil?”
Those were good times, hey? ’Scuse me, I need to take this call. Hi, Dr. Smith!
Asked for comment, Skynet-Palantír-Magic 8-Ball CEO Sauron DeGreate said, “Eye have no idea what you’re so excited about. That’s a joke, I say, that’s a joke, son! Say hello to Siri for me.”
• Melania Trump’s “Be Best” blather was apparently another cut-and-paste job, liberating the content of a document released by the previous administration’s Federal Trade Commission in 2014. The writing, it is hard. I know, believe me, I know.
• While Ms. Trump was Being Best, her husband and his pals were being the other thing. Jeffy Bob Jimmie Joe Sessions plans to separate immigrant parents and children because, you know, “the best people,” etc., et al., and so on and so forth. The Big Orange Cheese, meanwhile, wants to slash more than $15 billion in previously approved spending, more than half of it to come from the Children’s Health Insurance Program, because children can’t vote, buy real estate, or suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
• And finally, according to The New Yorker, Eric T. Schneiderman has resigned as New York attorney general to spend more time with his family and work on a memoir entitled, “Shut the Fuck Up And Get Me Another Drink, You Whore (Before I Slap You Again).”
“We need more budget cuts. Call it 10-15 percent. And a couple of bibs.”
When Lean Dean says you’ve gone too far, you’ve gone too far.
Dean Singleton, who once mused about consolidating, outsourcing and perhaps off-shoring the various MediaNews copy desks, says the owners of The Denver Post have “cut the heart out” of the once-mighty newspaper.
Undeterred by bad press, senior staff departures, and even the resignation of Lean Dean, the hyenas at Alden Global Capital continue gnawing away, taking comfort in the knowledge that there are plenty of toothsome tidbits left on the stinking carcass.
I know, I know — it’s a new world, information wants to be free, adapt or die, etc., et al., and so on and so forth. Doesn’t mean it’s pretty to watch.
The May 1 deadline has come and gone to declare for the inaugural Ruta del Rancho Pendejo, slated June 2-3. Bienvenidos to those who will be there, and hasta luego to those who will be square.
This is a veritable freeway of a descent, until it isn’t. The trails tend to be a tad on the narrow, twisty and sandy side.
Looks like the Marriott Courtyard Albuquerque will be the base of operations for out-of-towners. It’s close to the Paseo del Norte bike trail, which leads straight down to the Paseo del Bosque, and looks pretty much on-and-off, freeway-wise, despite a construction project to the south. High Desert Bicycles is the closest bike shop, and Weck’s is the best bet for a serious pre-ride breakfast.
The weather to date has been warm and dry, so much so that much of the state is suffering drought conditions, but you never know when those “monsoons” might show up, so consider packing a light rain shell … which, of course, will ensure that it doesn’t rain that weekend. Sunscreen will probably prove more useful.
Prone to seasonal allergies? Consider fetching along your performance-enhancing substance of choice, which will spare you a trip to the apothecary.
And don’t sweat the buzzworms. They’re tired of green chile and are biting the burger-gobblers back in Bibleburg.
The roads, trails and paths are all in tiptop shape, but you needn’t be, as Coach says the pace on all rides will be relaxed and of a conversational nature. I’m assuming we’re all hip deep in Manly Points from previous triumphs and thus can rest comfortably on our laurels.
Questions? Holler in comments. I have all the answers, even if I have to make ’em up.
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