Posts Tagged ‘2020 UCI Cycling Esports World Championships’

‘I don’t like to lose.’

December 9, 2020

The UCI Cycling Esports World Championships sponsored by Zwift are to be held today, and mirabile dictu, the virtual cops will be on the lookout for the actual outlaws.

What are YOU on?

This dude is ready for his comeback.

It seems that digital “doping,” like actual doping, is a thing in these dark days. The same miscreants who will hitch a ride on a team car, hide tiny motors in their bicycles, and hotrod themselves with the drug du jour will manipulate the data like cadet James T. Kirk queering the Kobayashi Maru test at Starfleet Academy.

Tech blogger Ray Maker, speaking to The New York Times, suggested that Zwift is rife with the sort of shameless corner-cutting one used to see when bike races were still held outdoors, in the real world, where there are actual corners to cut.

“There’s so much cheating in Zwift that I think a lot of people would like to see more accountability,” said Maker, who writes the endurance sports technology blog DC Rainmaker.

A spokesman for Zwift, meanwhile, expressed confidence in the company’s ability “to catch cheaters and to police the races.”

Ho, ho, etc. Objection, your honor. Assumes facts not in evidence.

Mustn’t-see TV

December 4, 2020

Miss Mia Sopaipilla will watch a lot of things — birds at the feeder, cat toys, her litter box being emptied — but even she has her limits.

“Will we be following the live broadcast of the 2020 UCI Cycling Esports World Championships Dec. 9, available worldwide, with details of where to watch coming shortly?” asks Miss Mia Sopaipilla.

“No,” I reply. “Not even in a pandemic, with Netflix, HBO Max, and Amazon Prime on the fritz, all of my bicycles and hiking boots stolen, and me in an iron lung with someone who hates me in charge of my other entertainment options.”

“I hear you,” she says, switching her tail. “I’d rather watch the litter box. At least some real shit happens there.”

• In other news: Parkour in the Olympics? Purists say “Nah.”