Mustn’t-see TV

Miss Mia Sopaipilla will watch a lot of things — birds at the feeder, cat toys, her litter box being emptied — but even she has her limits.

“Will we be following the live broadcast of the 2020 UCI Cycling Esports World Championships Dec. 9, available worldwide, with details of where to watch coming shortly?” asks Miss Mia Sopaipilla.

“No,” I reply. “Not even in a pandemic, with Netflix, HBO Max, and Amazon Prime on the fritz, all of my bicycles and hiking boots stolen, and me in an iron lung with someone who hates me in charge of my other entertainment options.”

“I hear you,” she says, switching her tail. “I’d rather watch the litter box. At least some real shit happens there.”

• In other news: Parkour in the Olympics? Purists say “Nah.”


6 Responses to “Mustn’t-see TV”

  1. Pat O’Brien Says:

  2. khal spencer Says:

    wake me up when its over.

  3. DownhillBill Says:

    “…exciting new development for cycling”….
    All the similes that come to mind here are obscene. I,too, would just as soon watch a litter box.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’m old, and worse, old-fashioned. But one of the reasons I went back to cycling in the first place was to get outdoors and far away from the CRTs and other screens that were helping me turn myself into a great fat bastard.

  4. Shawn Says:

    I wonder. Do you think they get the avatar of their choice. I’d want one (the rider) that looks like a gnarly old biker on a chopped Harley. “Pedal my ass. I’m gonna run your lily-multi-colored asses over.” Just think of the psychology of riding in a pack with somebody on a Harley. It’s got to just screw with your mind. Hey! You could even add some guy riding on the back that looks like Nicholson with a US flag helmet on. He could be looking around flipping all the other riders off and saying things like “Here’s Johnny!”.

    I agree with Miss Mia. Especially if you’re watching one of those new self cleaning cat boxes.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I get it, I suppose. Teams need sponsors, sponsors need ROI, riders need competition, etc., et al., and so on and so forth. But still, damn.

      I can’t imagine doing it, much less watching it. I wanna be outdoors, dodging the icy bits and terrorist trees.

      Meanwhile, holy hell, it’s even happening here, in New Mexico, where giants like Kent Bostick, John Frey, and Laurence Malone once rode the earth. A virtual Tour of the Gila.

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