Elvis has left the building, but P-p-porky Pig is still very m-m-much with us.

We had a white Christmas, which meant that instead of lollygagging around the rancheroo I had to drag ass outdoors in 15-degree temps to broom the block. Yes, “broom” — thanks to the global climate change that the Elefinks don’t believe in, we never get enough snow to shovel.

I tried shooting it, but that didn’t work. Clearly, we need more guns.