Tag: Charles Pelkey

French tickler

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 20 Comments

Good Lord, where does the time go? It seems only yesterday that The Cyclist Who Shall Not Be Named was curled up in Soaprah’s expansive lap, singin’ the blues. And now here it is time for that race he was so fond of.

This isn’t just any old dash around Frogland, mind you. It’s the 100th Tour; the defending champion, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Wiggo’, has bravely run away; and our old friend Andrew Hood says that while everyone has his eye on the final week, that first week could be a doozy.

So, naturally, Charles “Live Update Guy” Pelkey will be covering the bugger from stem to stern, starting at dark-thirty on Saturday morning. As usual, I’ll be playing Ed to his Johnny, which is to say I will be slouched on the couch, belching besotted witticisms such as, “Hey-yo!” and “You are correct, sir.”

So mark your calendars. And in comments, give us your picks for the final yellow jersey in Paris. Here, I’ll get the ball rolling. Now me, I think Zoom-Zoom Froome has peaked too early. …

Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 22 Comments

What with helping Consigliere Pelkey live-blog the Giro, cranking out the comedy for Bicycle Retailer, logging saddle time on the Jones Steel Diamond and the Co-Motion Divide Rohloff in preparation for reviews thereof, and assisting Herself with a new project — turning our House Back East™ into a vacation rental via airbnb.com — I haven’t had much time to follow the doings in DeeCee.

But now that I’ve had a minute to cast an inquisitive eye about the Innertubes, I have a question for those of you who have been paying closer attention.

Is it time we abandoned our flirtation with representative democracy and begged the Queen to take us back? God save the Queen!

Speaking of limeys, back at the bike racing, Brave, Brave Sir Wiggo’ went from descending like a girl to descending the Giro’s overall standings like a sick girl in a Radio Flyer full of anvils on Mount Doom. Defending champion Ryder Hesjedal has had even worse luck; they’re timing that poor sod with a calendar. I have no idea who’s gonna win the goddamn thing, but it sure is fun to watch. Join Mr. P and me at Live Update Guy for tomorrow’s stage, the Giro’s longest.

In California, meanwhile, it’s Jens Voigt making everyone look sick. The 110-year-old father of 16 crushed Tyler Farrar and Thor Hushovd under his chariot wheels en route to victory in stage 5 of the Amgen Tour. He told VeloNews reporter Matthew Beaudin that when he finally retires, if ever, it will take two people to replace him — “one to do the funny part, and one to be the bike rider.”

And me? I didn’t ride a meter today, in victory or defeat. Work, work, work, that’s all we have around these parts. That, and dinner with friends at Springs Orleans. Somebody had managed to FUBAR the house lights but we couldn’t have cared less, because the food was top notch. We just let our forks follow our noses.

Sky high

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 29 Comments

Wow. Bradley Wiggins and Chris Froome crushed it today in the Tour’s first big time trial, opening up a 10-gallon-can of whup-ass on Cadel Evans and everyone else — including El Fabuloso, Fabian Cancellara, who must be pinching himself to see whether he’s still asleep and having a nightmare.

I was over at Red Kite Prayer, helping Charles “Live Update Guy” Pelkey track the race for our friends sentenced to cubicle farms worldwide, and we had a record haul in terms of contributions to the tip jar— in no small part to some silly little hooter logged on as Two700c, who complained about “politics” being injected into the play-by-play (oddly enough, it was one of our least political live updates ever).

Two700c slagged me in a snippy note to Charles, which goes to show you that not even the anonymity of the Internet is comfort enough for at least one timid Tea Bagger. Still, I feel obliged to thank him for helping us rake in a pile of coin. I’ll be donating a portion of the proceeds to the Democratic Socialists of America.

If you’re not already joining us for the daily live updates, swing on by. Always room for another pinko in the Party photo.

But it’s not all politics, all the time. Today, for example, I reprised one of my favorite National Lampoon covers to urge readers to contribute to the Cause.

If you don’t support this website, we’ll kill this dog.

Live updates for the Tour?

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments

Live updates … getcher live updates here … live updates, get ’em while they’re hot. …

If any of you folks enjoy Charles “Live Update Guy” Pelkey’s play-by-play from the grand tours, especially the Tour de France, pop round to his website and let him know.

He’s on the bubble about calling this year’s Tour, as he has a bit of lawyerin’ to do in his button-down persona as Consigliere Pelkey, Lawyer of Laramie. So if you’re a LUG nut stuck in the cube farm for three weeks in July, desperate for news from Le Show Beeg, give Charles a shout-out.

And if he comes off that bubble to call the Tour for us, think about plinking a dime or two in his tip jar by way of a thank-you. It ain’t often you see a lawyer working for tips.

• Full disclosure: I chime in from time to time during Charles’ live updates. But don’t let that deter you.

Chirp … chirp … chirp. …

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 7 Comments
Highway 24
Pikes Peak as seen from Highway 24 near the Banning-Lewis Ranch.

Wow — the sound of all those virtual crickets digitally chirping is deafening.

The days have seemed about 90 minutes long lately. Bicycle Retailer and Industry News deadlines have been coming and going like cabs at McCarran International Airport. Likewise bicycle reviews for Adventure Cyclist. I just wrapped up the Cyfac Vintage; next in line is a Moots MXYBB, with a Van Nicholas Amazon Rohloff waiting in the wings.

Too, I’m been chiming in during Charles Pelkey’s live updates from the Giro, for all the good it does him. And Herself and I celebrated our 22nd anniversary on the 12th.

So, yeah. Busy busy busy, especially considering that I remain seriously underemployed — and, as a geezer who earned his chops in a dying profession, am likely to stay that way. Well, that just means more time to ride, no?

So I go out and flog myself around the countryside for a couple of hours, followed by a bite of lunch, and by the time the day’s Amgen Tour of California stage rolls around I could give a shit. I mean, I like Peter Sagan and all, but four stage wins? For reals? And today brings the time trial in Bakersfield. Pass the toothpicks, someone, I need to prop my eyelids open.

Of course, with my eyelids propped open, I can’t not look at stupid shit like this, from Rep. Mike Coffman (R-Fuckwit). Jesus H. Christ on a flatcar. Most states in the Union put their crazy people in mental institutions. Colorado sends them to the U.S. House of Representatives.