Posts Tagged ‘douchenozzles’

Project Jagoff

March 12, 2017

And now, from our Just Fucking Shoot Me Department, comes the news that Levi’s and Google’s ATAP division have teamed up for a “smart” denim jacket, slated to be released this fall for $350.

“Project Jacquard,” they call the technology. For those of you who don’t parlez the français, that’s pronounced “jag-off.”

I’m thinking this garment will be smarter than many of the people who buy it. My best guess is that the Levi’s Commuter Trucker Jag-et is an ruse to soften us up for the jeans (call ’em Levi’s 666). Look for Guccifer 3.0 to hack ’em and pants every hipster in America at once as they bend over to lock their bespoke fixies to the railings at java joint/artisanal alehouse/toast café patios nationwide.

That oughta uncurl their moustaches.

Don’t touch that dial

March 13, 2012

If the posting seems a little spotty around the DogHaus, you need not fear that I’ve been snatched up by space aliens or the Homeland Security douchenozzles. It’s just that (a) I have a deadline and (2) we’re enjoying a stretch of absolutely beautiful weather perfectly suited to the underemployed.

We topped 70 today in Bibleburg and I went for an actual road ride, which is a rarity. Started in shorts and short sleeves, which is rarer still. The downhill bits were into a headwind and the climbs featured a tailwind. All this I like.

What I didn’t like was getting buzzed by a gravel truck in a blind corner on Marksheffel. Sonofabitch just had to squeeze past me despite oncoming traffic and Colorado’s three-foot rule, and I very nearly ran out of road (ordinarily this would not be an issue but today I was riding an actual road bike instead of the usual cyclo-cross bike).

Didn’t catch his company or his license plate, more’s the pity. But I didn’t let it spoil my outing. Did I mention I had a tailwind?*

*Yes, we have no photos to accompany this post. Did I mention I had a tailwind?