My man Charles Pelkey will be kick-starting the Live Update Guy machinery tomorrow for Paris-Roubaix, so all y’all should bounce that way to say, “Allez.”
We gave the software a bit of a test-drive today and all seems well. As for the race, it looks to be a dusty one, and while Tom Boonen seems the sentimental favorite, the cobbles have no sentiment atall atall.
Meanwhile, King Donald the Short-fingered is looking all thumbs after his Feat of Strength in Syria. We warn the Russians, the Russians warn the Syrians, and hey presto! Twenty-four hours later Assad is back to business as usual, albeit with conventional weapons.
It’s like the worst ass-kicking movie, like, ever:
Don: Hey, Vlad, it’s Don.
Vlad: What up, bruh?
Don: I’m headed over to that punk Bashar’s place to teach him a lesson. Just giving you a head’s up, I know you’re tight and all.
Vlad: No worries, bruh, thanks for the call.
(30 seconds later)
Vlad: Yo, Bash’, Don’s coming over to kick your ass.
Bashar: Good time for it, I was just stepping out to the Home Depot. Need some more Roundup. He’ll have to settle for pissing on my lawn or something.
Vlad: Ha ha ha, yeah. Spell his name on it or something. Probably wrong, too.
Bashar: Ha, yeah, for sure.
Vlad: OK, see you.