Rocks ‘n’ rollin’

Everybody must get stoned.

My man Charles Pelkey will be kick-starting the Live Update Guy machinery tomorrow for Paris-Roubaix, so all y’all should bounce that way to say, “Allez.”

We gave the software a bit of a test-drive today and all seems well. As for the race, it looks to be a dusty one, and while Tom Boonen seems the sentimental favorite, the cobbles have no sentiment atall atall.

Meanwhile, King Donald the Short-fingered is looking all thumbs after his Feat of Strength in Syria. We warn the Russians, the Russians warn the Syrians, and hey presto! Twenty-four hours later Assad is back to business as usual, albeit with conventional weapons.

It’s like the worst ass-kicking movie, like, ever:

Don: Hey, Vlad, it’s Don.

Vlad: What up, bruh?

Don: I’m headed over to that punk Bashar’s place to teach him a lesson. Just giving you a head’s up, I know you’re tight and all.

Vlad: No worries, bruh, thanks for the call.


(30 seconds later)

Bashar: Hello?

Vlad: Yo, Bash’, Don’s coming over to kick your ass.

Bashar: Good time for it, I was just stepping out to the Home Depot. Need some more Roundup. He’ll have to settle for pissing on my lawn or something.

Vlad: Ha ha ha, yeah. Spell his name on it or something. Probably wrong, too.

Bashar: Ha, yeah, for sure.

Vlad: OK, see you.

Bashar: Laters.


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18 Responses to “Rocks ‘n’ rollin’”

  1. Steve O Says:

    The sad reality is that Donald Trump is actually our president. This is not a fever dream, or the imagination of a science-fiction writer on acid.

    But Lordy, could you imagine what Rowan and Martin would do this guy? Or Mencken? Shakespeare? Orwell? Swift?

    There’s a kickstarter project for you: The reworking of the great masterpieces, except with DJT as the lead.

  2. Steve O Says:

    Boulder Roubaix was today. Instead of standing on the sidelines, I spent the whole day in the library, trying not to end up on the Dean’s other list. Maybe this time next year … oh, who am I kidding? Been saying that for 20 years.

  3. Pat O'Brien Says:

    LUG returns from the dead, again. Is this a test run for Le Tour?

    As far as Donald Daintydigits, $82 Mil to take out an airbase that returns to operation the next day? Fifty nine missiles, and they can fly out of there the next day? Pretty shitty targeting I would say. But Raytheon stock went up as Ryan noted in your previous post. Maybe we could impeach him on insider trading.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Yep, Pat, I b’leeve so. I’m not lining up for the Tour this year, but Chuckles is still thinking about it.

      And yeah, sounds like they were shooting very expensive bottle rockets at these dudes. I’ve done more damage with a few bros, a Ford van and a sack full of M-80s.

  4. Hurben Says:

    An alternative view from my youth…

  5. Herb Clevenger Says:

    In honor of Paris Roubaix I will do all my errands today by bicycle. Actually the opposite of cobblestones. Michigan streets are one pothole joined to another pothole to give the appearance of a road but they are really now resembling the bombed airfield in Syria. But wait, looks like it’s in far better shape then the road in front of my house.

  6. Dale Says:

    Where was I? I should have remembered that Charles said he would do Paris/Roubaix. Getting old and forgetful is a bitch. Now if I can just chase these damn kids off my lawn…

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