Everybody must get stoned.
My man Charles Pelkey will be kick-starting the Live Update Guy machinery tomorrow for Paris-Roubaix, so all y’all should bounce that way to say, “Allez.”
We gave the software a bit of a test-drive today and all seems well. As for the race, it looks to be a dusty one, and while Tom Boonen seems the sentimental favorite, the cobbles have no sentiment atall atall.
Meanwhile, King Donald the Short-fingered is looking all thumbs after his Feat of Strength in Syria. We warn the Russians, the Russians warn the Syrians, and hey presto! Twenty-four hours later Assad is back to business as usual, albeit with conventional weapons.
It’s like the worst ass-kicking movie, like, ever:
Don: Hey, Vlad, it’s Don.
Vlad: What up, bruh?
Don: I’m headed over to that punk Bashar’s place to teach him a lesson. Just giving you a head’s up, I know you’re tight and all.
Vlad: No worries, bruh, thanks for the call.
(click)
(30 seconds later)
Bashar: Hello?
Vlad: Yo, Bash’, Don’s coming over to kick your ass.
Bashar: Good time for it, I was just stepping out to the Home Depot. Need some more Roundup. He’ll have to settle for pissing on my lawn or something.
Vlad: Ha ha ha, yeah. Spell his name on it or something. Probably wrong, too.
Bashar: Ha, yeah, for sure.
Vlad: OK, see you.
Bashar: Laters.
Tags: King Donald the Short-fingered, Live Update Guy, LUG, Paris-Roubaix
April 8, 2017 at 4:55 pm |
The sad reality is that Donald Trump is actually our president. This is not a fever dream, or the imagination of a science-fiction writer on acid.
But Lordy, could you imagine what Rowan and Martin would do this guy? Or Mencken? Shakespeare? Orwell? Swift?
There’s a kickstarter project for you: The reworking of the great masterpieces, except with DJT as the lead.
April 8, 2017 at 5:07 pm |
Boulder Roubaix was today. Instead of standing on the sidelines, I spent the whole day in the library, trying not to end up on the Dean’s other list. Maybe this time next year … oh, who am I kidding? Been saying that for 20 years.
April 8, 2017 at 6:14 pm |
I did Boulder-Roubaix a few times. Bike always failed me. Yeah, that’s the ticket. The bike. Maybe Obama. But for sure the bike.
April 8, 2017 at 5:30 pm |
LUG returns from the dead, again. Is this a test run for Le Tour?
As far as Donald Daintydigits, $82 Mil to take out an airbase that returns to operation the next day? Fifty nine missiles, and they can fly out of there the next day? Pretty shitty targeting I would say. But Raytheon stock went up as Ryan noted in your previous post. Maybe we could impeach him on insider trading.
April 8, 2017 at 6:18 pm |
Yep, Pat, I b’leeve so. I’m not lining up for the Tour this year, but Chuckles is still thinking about it.
And yeah, sounds like they were shooting very expensive bottle rockets at these dudes. I’ve done more damage with a few bros, a Ford van and a sack full of M-80s.
April 8, 2017 at 7:49 pm |
An alternative view from my youth…
April 8, 2017 at 7:59 pm |
Excellent. Now we must hear from Brother Ray:
April 9, 2017 at 12:40 am |
Let us not forget..
April 9, 2017 at 8:07 am |
Seems appropriate given the news this morning.
April 9, 2017 at 4:57 pm |
white witch? that just took me back to the mid 80’s. have you ever had an uncomfortably awkward flashback? i did. just now.
April 9, 2017 at 5:51 am |
In honor of Paris Roubaix I will do all my errands today by bicycle. Actually the opposite of cobblestones. Michigan streets are one pothole joined to another pothole to give the appearance of a road but they are really now resembling the bombed airfield in Syria. But wait, looks like it’s in far better shape then the road in front of my house.
April 9, 2017 at 7:15 am |
Surprised CDOT hasn’t tried that: instead of filling potholes, leveling the rest of the road down to match the hole. Brilliant!
April 9, 2017 at 10:09 am |
Hot-patch bombs. Good training for the Blue Zoomies. Hone that surgical precision.
April 9, 2017 at 10:10 am |
Speaking of Paris-Roubaix, you know you’re on a good day when you can play the dozens on a wheelsucker for 15km and still win the sprint on the velodrome.
April 9, 2017 at 11:42 am |
Yo mama!
April 9, 2017 at 11:57 am |
Yo-Yo Mama (that’s an NPR joke, son).
April 9, 2017 at 5:03 pm |
there is a several mile section of old u.s. highway 90 that runs east of milton, florida that has been preserved in it’s original brick paving. it was put into use in 1921 and is about one car width wide. the new hwy 90 is paved and has a smooth 5 foot shoulder but i chose the brick version today in honor of the race.
April 10, 2017 at 2:37 pm |
Where was I? I should have remembered that Charles said he would do Paris/Roubaix. Getting old and forgetful is a bitch. Now if I can just chase these damn kids off my lawn…