La Ruta del Rancho Pendejo 2018 is receding in the helmet mirror, the weather gods having decreed that stage two would not proceed as scheduled.

Stage one, a pan-flat, 33-mile out-and-back on the Paseo del Bosque, went off without a hitch, unless you count hunting parking spaces at the Alameda trailhead. Hijo, madre, etc. It was like looking for honesty in DeeCee. I usually bicycle down to the bosque trail, so this was a new experience for me, and I devised my very own parking space, where I imagine no one had parked before.

With the heavy machinery docked, properly and otherwise, Pat O’B., Herb C., Khalil S. and I set sail with a few hundred thousand of our closest friends (save for you, dear readers) for what I and the weatherperson anticipated would be a hideously hot, wind-scoured ride. Not so much. It turned out right nice. Even our handlebar bells were in sync, pealing out nuggets of harmony as we overtook our brethren and sistren in heavy traffic.

For some reason I never remember to unlimber the camera on these deals, mostly being preoccupied with bullshittery, so we have no “pro” images of the four of us from the Canon PowerShot S110 and its convenient timer for hands-free photography.

Happily, Khal and Herb weren’t shy about pulling out their phones for a few snaps, so we have proof that we were on the bikes and not barstools. At these precise moments, anyway.

Afterward we lunched at Casa de Benavidez on 4th, and then I sped off to the Duke City airport to fetch Herself home from a jaunt to Colorado while the lads amused themselves elsewhere.

I had planned to snap a few candids of the crew on today’s mountain-bike ride, especially if anyone wound up plucking cactus thorns from their bibs, but the planet had other ideas.

Between fires, high winds, and impending heavy rain and/or hail, we agreed to employ the better part of valor, which is to say “discretion.”

We might have been able to pull off a quick hour on the trails — by noon, the gods had huffed and puffed to no particular effect — but there ain’t many places to hide in the upper reaches of the Chihuahuan Desert when they finally start tossing the icewater and electricity around and about.

So Pat scurried off home to Sierra Vista, Khal remained in Fanta Se, and Herb headed north to inspect The Arts so that he might tell the wife he’d done something of merit over the weekend. Me? I caught up on news and chores. The party never stops.

Next year we might shift the Ruta north to Khal’s neighborhood. There’s plenty of cycling to be done in our old hometown, lots of top-shelf grub, and The Arts aplenty in case any of yis tilt in that direction.

Finally, thanks to Pat, Khal and Herb for joining me, and another round of happy-birthday wishes to Pat, who celebrated his 69th with us.

 

 

We’ve had some questions arise about the inaugural Ruta del Rancho Pendejo, slated June 2-3. Here are some answers:

Q. How long are the rides?

A. The Paseo del Bosque Trail is a 32-mile round trip on paved path from the Alameda trailhead south around the industrial Rio Bravo lollipop at the south and back again. Pat O’Brien and I rode it in just over two and a half hours last year. It’s flat, flat, flat, but expect wind (probably in your face for the return leg) and plenty of other trail users. Here’s a detailed description of the route (from south to north). We could skip the loop at the southern end — frankly, it’s not all that scenic —and turn around at Rio Bravo Boulevard for the trip back to the Alameda trailhead.

The off-road rides I like cover about 10 to 15 miles, or from an hour to 90 minutes in duration. For longer rides, we could simply add laps, or additional loops, maybe sample both the northern trails around the Elena Gallegos picnic area and the southern trails below Menaul. The Foothills Trails start just a couple blocks from El Rancho Pendejo, and since I ride rigid steel weirdomobiles I tend to seek out the swoopy, flowy, less-technical routes in a network that one local wrench has described as “manicured.” That said, there is a fair amount of climbing, the occasional rock garden, plenty of sand, cacti out the wazoo, and some washboard descents. Here’s a basic description.

I’ve shot some video of the southern Foothills Trails, but none of their northern cousins.

Q. Are rental bikes available?

A. Indeed they are. High Desert Bicycles rents road and mountain bikes. Also, Your Humble Narrator has a dozen machines on hand, with the road, touring and cyclocross models ranging in size from 55cm to 58cm and in technology from eight- and nine-speed Ultegra/XT/Deore and rim brakes to 10-speed SRAM with mechanical discs. Condition varies from serviceable to shameful. My one actual mountain bike is a 23-year-old titanium DBR Axis TT with eight-speed XT/Sachs twist-shifters, V-brakes, a RockShox Judy SL fork and 26-inch wheels. A real relic of mountain biking’s distant past, is what.

Q. Will I get shelled without mercy and left to die alone in the Upper Chihuahuan Desert?

A. No, the usual Darwinian ruthlessness will be held in abeyance. This is an extremely casual, social weekend of riding. Dying is discouraged as it would dampen the frivolity.

• Note for anyone fetching his/her own rig(s): The Duke City goathead thorn is a ravenous and ubiquitous beastie. I recommend riding tubeless tires or using sealant-filled tubes, both on- and off-road. And carry at least two spares and a pump anyway.

 

 

A few of us who hang around this digital cracker barrel plan to get together for a weekend of casual cycling in the Duke City, and you can join the fun.

The inaugural Ruta del Rancho Pendejo is slated for June 2-3, with one ride on pavement (probably taking in the fabled Paseo del Bosque recreational path) and another on dirt (the largely gentle Foothills Trails).

There will also be the eating of green chile, the consumption of beverages, and the talking of shit. You can read all about it here.