Posts Tagged ‘The Wall’

Hard reign in Swamptown

January 12, 2019

What a blockhead.

The pestilence of the Benighted States, Wally O’Steele, a.k.a. Artie Deal, wants a Big, Beautiful Wall® at the nation’s southern boundary to keep brown people* from crossing the border to work anywhere other than at his hotels or golf courses.

Unable to procure funding for same, he has instead walled off the feddle gummint from its own tax-paying citizens, idling more than a few of them in the process and forcing others to work without pay while selling their Christmas presents on eBay to keep from freezing to death in the dark.

It’s a hard reign, and the water — if that’s what it is — just keeps rising.

Man the lifeboats and rig for heavy seas, matey — it’s the latest episode of Radio Free Dogpatch.

* Russian oligarchs and Saudi princelings get a pass, of course, along with a coupon for a complimentary fluff and fold at Artie Deal’s Motor Inn & Money Laundry.

 

P L A Y    R A D I O    F R E E    D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder. Additional bad noise via an Audio-Technica ATR2100-USB mic and a Sony ICD-UX533. I edited this hot mess using a Behringer XENYX 1200USB mixer wired to a 2014 MacBook Pro with an external LG 24MP59HT-P monitor and Apple’s GarageBand. Obligatory Cultural References From Bygone Days© courtesy the Bard of Hibbing.

I just gave Darth Cheeto a rep in the nuts

January 9, 2019

It’s morning in Albuquerque.

I just rang up our freshman representative in DeeCee, Deb Haaland, and asked that she and her colleagues start working up articles of impeachment.

Haaland was quick out of the chute with a response to last night’s State of the Wall Address, saying:

“The real national emergency right now is thousands of New Mexicans not being able to put food on the table or pay rent, because of the government shutdown. New Mexicans need quality public education, good paying jobs, and a renewable-energy economy — the wall does nothing to address those issues. On day one, the House passed a bill to get federal workers back to work and paid, and now it’s time for the Senate and the President to do their part.”

I imagine that the congresswoman has a pretty full schedule, being new to the job, but as I told the woman who answered the phone, “This administration is a cartoon that never was funny, and it’s long past time the show was canceled.”

Blockhead

January 8, 2019

Thick as a brick.

Undocumented immigrant

June 18, 2017

Deer me.

Wall didn’t even slow him down. Says his name is John. I wanna see the birth certificate.

There goes the king

May 11, 2016
Budweiser overthrows its king and declares a republic.

Budweiser overthrows its king and declares a republic.

OK, here’s my pitch:

The commercial opens with a long shot of an inpenetrable, red-white-and-blue Wall being built along the U.S.-Mexico border. A Wall made of … wait for it … cans of America.

Pop. Hiss. Slurp. Clink. Pop. Hiss. Slurp. Clink.

In the background, Pink Floyd: “All in all it’s just another brick in the Wall.”

And finally, the scroll: “There’s is no other one. There’s only something less. America: You’ve been canned. Trump 2016.”

Pay me.