“I didn’t need to do this, but it was an emergency.”
Jesus H. Christ. This fool could fuck up a steel ball.
I mean, a lot of us have voices in our heads. But we don’t let them all talk at once. Not where other people can hear them, anyway.
Posts Tagged ‘The Wall’
Breaking Gnus: The Bewilderbeest speaks
February 15, 2019What hath God wrought?
February 14, 2019
“Sure, I can send that message, but I think they already got it.”
Anybody who didn’t see this coming hasn’t been paying attention. Dude telegraphed this shit like ol’ Sam’l Morse.
Sure, there are legal options to explore. But this dude likes getting sued. Especially when he’s spending other people’s money on both sides of the argument.
Wired
February 7, 2019
I got wired a time or two when I lived in southern Arizona, but it was nothing like this. Photo by Jonathan Clark | Nogales International via The Associated Press and stolen shamelessly by Your Humble Narrator
Whatever the sonofabitch gets, it’s never enough. Wives, bankruptcies, you name it.
Now not even a Big, Beautiful Wall® will tickle Il Douche’s little pickle. Now it has to be a Big, Beautiful Wall with Six Rows of Razor Wire®.
And remember, folks: FreeDumb® isn’t free. DoD estimates that the military has spent $132 million so far “supporting” U.S. Customs and Border Protection — never mind that the number of arrests by the Border Patrol is the lowest since the early 1970s, while the number of agents has more than doubled — and other estimates indicate that border deployments could eat up a cool billion by the end of fiscal 2019.
Can we maybe put one of these BBWWSRORW® around the Orange House? With a lid on it?
Behold The Wall®
January 23, 2019
Something else I can do better than King Donald the Short-fingered:
Get a Wall® built.
What’s all this fuss about a Wall®?
I had a Wall® done yesterday. Easy peasy. Spanish-speakers were involved, though they declined to pay for my border-security project. And it wasn’t a Wall® from scratch, but rather enhancements to an existing Wall®.
But still, as you see, here we are. And nobody had to work for free, take on a second job, or go to a food bank over it.
Hard reign in Swamptown
January 12, 2019
What a blockhead.
The pestilence of the Benighted States, Wally O’Steele, a.k.a. Artie Deal, wants a Big, Beautiful Wall® at the nation’s southern boundary to keep brown people* from crossing the border to work anywhere other than at his hotels or golf courses.
Unable to procure funding for same, he has instead walled off the feddle gummint from its own tax-paying citizens, idling more than a few of them in the process and forcing others to work without pay while selling their Christmas presents on eBay to keep from freezing to death in the dark.
It’s a hard reign, and the water — if that’s what it is — just keeps rising.
Man the lifeboats and rig for heavy seas, matey — it’s the latest episode of Radio Free Dogpatch.
* Russian oligarchs and Saudi princelings get a pass, of course, along with a coupon for a complimentary fluff and fold at Artie Deal’s Motor Inn & Money Laundry.
P L A Y R A D I O F R E E D O G P A T C H
• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder. Additional bad noise via an Audio-Technica ATR2100-USB mic and a Sony ICD-UX533. I edited this hot mess using a Behringer XENYX 1200USB mixer wired to a 2014 MacBook Pro with an external LG 24MP59HT-P monitor and Apple’s GarageBand. Obligatory Cultural References From Bygone Days© courtesy the Bard of Hibbing.
I just gave Darth Cheeto a rep in the nuts
January 9, 2019
It’s morning in Albuquerque.
I just rang up our freshman representative in DeeCee, Deb Haaland, and asked that she and her colleagues start working up articles of impeachment.
Haaland was quick out of the chute with a response to last night’s State of the Wall Address, saying:
“The real national emergency right now is thousands of New Mexicans not being able to put food on the table or pay rent, because of the government shutdown. New Mexicans need quality public education, good paying jobs, and a renewable-energy economy — the wall does nothing to address those issues. On day one, the House passed a bill to get federal workers back to work and paid, and now it’s time for the Senate and the President to do their part.”
I imagine that the congresswoman has a pretty full schedule, being new to the job, but as I told the woman who answered the phone, “This administration is a cartoon that never was funny, and it’s long past time the show was canceled.”
Blockhead
January 8, 2019Undocumented immigrant
June 18, 2017
Deer me.
Wall didn’t even slow him down. Says his name is John. I wanna see the birth certificate.
There goes the king
May 11, 2016
Budweiser overthrows its king and declares a republic.
OK, here’s my pitch:
The commercial opens with a long shot of an inpenetrable, red-white-and-blue Wall being built along the U.S.-Mexico border. A Wall made of … wait for it … cans of America.
Pop. Hiss. Slurp. Clink. Pop. Hiss. Slurp. Clink.
In the background, Pink Floyd: “All in all it’s just another brick in the Wall.”
And finally, the scroll: “There’s is no other one. There’s only something less. America: You’ve been canned. Trump 2016.”
Pay me.
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