Hard reign in Swamptown

What a blockhead.

The pestilence of the Benighted States, Wally O’Steele, a.k.a. Artie Deal, wants a Big, Beautiful Wall® at the nation’s southern boundary to keep brown people* from crossing the border to work anywhere other than at his hotels or golf courses.

Unable to procure funding for same, he has instead walled off the feddle gummint from its own tax-paying citizens, idling more than a few of them in the process and forcing others to work without pay while selling their Christmas presents on eBay to keep from freezing to death in the dark.

It’s a hard reign, and the water — if that’s what it is — just keeps rising.

Man the lifeboats and rig for heavy seas, matey — it’s the latest episode of Radio Free Dogpatch.

* Russian oligarchs and Saudi princelings get a pass, of course, along with a coupon for a complimentary fluff and fold at Artie Deal’s Motor Inn & Money Laundry.


P L A Y    R A D I O    F R E E    D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder. Additional bad noise via an Audio-Technica ATR2100-USB mic and a Sony ICD-UX533. I edited this hot mess using a Behringer XENYX 1200USB mixer wired to a 2014 MacBook Pro with an external LG 24MP59HT-P monitor and Apple’s GarageBand. Obligatory Cultural References From Bygone Days© courtesy the Bard of Hibbing.

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11 Responses to “Hard reign in Swamptown”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    That was great. How many Clausthalers were harmed in the making of this episode?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Alas, the good Clausthalers (the dry-hopped edition) have become unavailable here in the Duke City. I wonder whether a bunch of hipsters have decided to go dry for January. Can’t find the damn’ things anywhere.

      Happily, I also drink coffee and tea, which will suffice when it comes to DIY sound effects.

  2. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    The USA’s in a tough spot. Seems Fat Nixon will let this mess fester as long as it keeps the bad news about his Russian connections off the top of everyone’s news list. I think he might be chickening out on his threat to declare the emergency because then he really owns the entire mess, lock, stock and steel slat and it all goes out of the news cycle, opening up space for more news about Manafort and others in the clown car. When is Roger Stone going into the barrel?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      You can’t negotiate with a serial liar. There’s no telling what this dude will say or do. Everything he does, he does in bad faith. The only certainty is that the one thing he cares about is his own miserable self.

  3. David Rees Says:

    Being the degenerate I am, I like the riffin’ on the pissin’ theme – well done.

  4. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Wow for a guy your age that’s an impressive flow……of thoughts I mean. Enjoyed the podcast but caution in future podcasts against going after the “#2” body function. Way too slippery. And you don’t want to run the risk of one of the subjects getting loose from the toilet bowl and becoming chair of the local Republican Party. Then, they swell in size to enormous proportions and the next thing you know, they are US Senators.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      O, I’ve been talking shit all my life. It’s gotten to be quite a pile, too. Probably be a Superfund site if the gummint were open.

      • Herb from Michigan Says:

        The great campfire whiskey sage Lazlo Hunt once said before passing out, “Naked truth is damn hard to deal with. It can be smelly, greasy, tangy around the edges and damn hard to chew. Like a truck stop t-bone. That’s why people prefer to be lied to over and over. Goes down easy like Aunt Ruth’s red-eye gravy”.
        Wish I knew where Lazlo lit out for when he left Michigan. I’d like to get that gravy recipe.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        Wisdom giving out here, free of charge. I love that quote, Herb. Thinking that is a succinct argument to any MAGA folks that want to discuss politics. It especially applies to human caused climate change. As far as Patrick’s superfund site goes……….

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Ho, that’s a keeper. Reminds me of a friend of a friend, Smilin’ Shorty George Motorhand, who once noted: “Any man who tells you he’s never wobbled his own gobbler or stuck his head under the sheets to smell his own farts is a lying son of a bitch.”

        I believe he also coined the phrase “clumsier than a three-peckered snow toad.”

        I collect these things, as you may have suspected.

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