Some turds just won’t stay flushed

Apparently Floyd Landis was not content with shitting in the 2006 Tour de France. Now he’s shitting in the Amgen Tour of California, the Giro d’Italia and my Thursday. You can read all about it at

Back in 2007, when Numbnuts was still telling everybody he was pure as the driven snow, smearing Greg LeMond and soliciting donations for the so-called Floyd Fairness Fund, I wrote: “If I’d kicked in so much as a wooden nickel to Landis’ war chest, I’d want it back. With interest. Disinfected.”

That goes double today.

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22 Responses to “Some turds just won’t stay flushed”

  1. jaf Says:

    I think it is shitting on someone or thing not shitting in them. I find it all very sad, especially that Numbnuts also smeared Big George. Well, to Landis’ credit, he finally confessed. That puts him higher in the turd-pile than Tyler Hamilton.

  2. khal spencer Says:

    Same story in the Wall Street Journal and on NPR, by the way.

    Ho, hum…I think it is increasingly obvious that most if not all of the pro peloton was downwind of the fan as far as doping is concerned. The big names to win races, the domestiques to support the stars. The question is less about who was clean than who got caught. What makes Landis stand out was his slimy way of handling himself.

    I’m not optimistic about the future of cycling as long as there is big money to be made in this sport. It will be a cat vs. mouse game of outwitting the drug testers. Hell, how do we think those NFL linemen got so big over the last forty years. Diet and exercise? Hell no. This whole country has been about Momma’s Little Helper for decades. Why are the athletes supposed to be held to a higher standard?

    Hey Patrick, I read the VN story when it finally popped up. TCWSNBN didn’t ever issue a complete denial, did he. Just avoided answering the question.

    With apologies to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards:

    Pro cyclists are different today, I hear ev’ry teammate say,
    Yellow Jersey needs something today to juice him on his way,
    And though he’s not really ill, there’s a little yellow pill,
    He goes running for the shelter of a cyclist’s little helper,
    And it helps him on his way, gets him through another stage,

    And if you take more of those,
    you’ll get busted and get hosed,
    No more running for the shelter of a cyclist’s little helper,
    They just helped you on your way,
    through your lying, cheating day,

  3. Sherkat Says:

    I gotta wonder if a sick fuck like Landis didn’t telegraph this in some way when Ouch-B got nixed from the TOC start line…..And, I wonder if Kristin will keep silent. I suppose it depends if Lance is faithful in the alimony/child support department…but if she marries well or develops a conscience or serious antipathy, LA could have some interesting court sessions.

  4. rustlust Says:

    Totally Stunned! Blown Away! Like when Ricky Martin admitted he was gay, or when Carbon Fiber admitted he was Plastic…gotta love the timing– truly sociopathETIC, class guy that Landis.

  5. Boz Says:

    Khal- You forgot the line “what a drag it is getting slow”. You gotta wonder if Floyd’s titanium hip was a result of not healing right after all of the PEDs he ingested over the years.For a while there, I actually thought that maybe T-Hams evil twin had slipped some testosterone gel into Landis’ chamois creme. That would have been almost believable at the time.
    I went for an MTB ride this morning, and ya know, I could have used some of that crap myself. On one climb, I had to (oh, the shame) get off and walk!

  6. khal spencer Says:

    Sure could use some EPO this month. Yeah, Boz, the full version is here, if you are bored shitless. Needless to say, I’m in no danger of winning the National Literary Award.

  7. Rick C. Says:

    I say good for Floyd – finally had an attack of the truth. We all know TCWSNBN dopes, but so does everyone else (Evans looks like the damn Michilen man all of a sudden). So, everyone should get amnesty, admit that cycling is wrestling, and get on with the show!

  8. James Says:

    I have to admit I was a bit saddened by this news today. Not that I thought Landis was clean but more so because I always thought his excuse for doing so well in ’06 was a good story. Too much whiskey…gotta love it!
    As for TCWSNBN, I think he already HAS admitted to doping. If memory serves, it was on page 162 of his first book. Something about “taking EPO while doing chemo” or some such. Every time after that when asked “Have you ever taken EPO?” he politely skirted the answer. Either he DID or he DID NOT. Which is it? The book or the words out of his pie-hole??
    Now if I wanted to don my tinfoil beanie I’d say that TCWSNBN’s crashing out of today’s ToC stage was his way of further skirting the issue. SAdly though the beanie is in the wash. But something tells me that TCWSNBN won’t be answering any questions for a few days…hoping that something bigger comes along to distract the media.

  9. david Says:

    Landis is now worse than radioactive sludge – no one will believe him or touch him, nor ultimately talk to him, despite what evidence, or not, he comes up with to substantiate his own claims. This has the potential to be THE story that brings this whole sad, sorry stack of cards down, and finally exposes LA as the biggest lie the sporting world has ever known – but it ain’t gonna happen. And Flandis will be flushed deep into the scrap heap of cycling history, with Hamilton watching on the sidelines – both of ’em sad saps and dupes.

  10. Larry T. Says:

    David, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I think a lifetime ban for dopers is in order. BUT offer ’em some sort of parole (after sitting out at least two years) if they ‘fess and up and rat out the rest of the mob. With a lifetime ban they have not much to lose so they may get to the Landis confessional moment much sooner and if they REALLY want to come back to the sport, they can turn “state’s evidence” and bust up the omerta. Once enough of the other mobsters are gone, they may be able to come back and NOT be treated like Manzano, Kimmage, Simeoni, Bessons, etc. by the mob bosses. The claims of “don’t believe Landis, he lied before” are kinda lame…unless Dick Cheney has you waterboarded is there any evidence of someone confessing to the truth after years of lying about it? It seesm to always go the other way, denial, attack the system….and only later finally admit you cheated. I hope Landis and Hamilton get some help from somewhere, we don’t want more tragic deaths like Pantani, Jimenez, etc. Interesting how BigTex no longer has interest in suing people who say bad things about him…could it be because he can’t prove them false anymore?

  11. Libby Says:

    Khal, the blog entry and song lyrics are great! As soon as I saw the partial set of lyrcis I began to sing! Then as I read on I saw the link to the blog and video. That’s Brian on sitar.

  12. steve-o Says:

    It’s funny how ESPN’s Bonnie Ford put out such a great piece on this, and ten minutes later their pundits chimed in, getting all of the facts wrong.

    In his defense, it doesn’t look like he started squealing as much as he was trying to cut some deal and someone at USADA leaked the emails. Kinda makes him slime, but a completely different kind than the kind he’s being accused of being.

    And I’m still fascinated by this western obsession with fans, or even the general public, being owed an apology or a confession. For one thing, it’s an indication that we favor words over actions: you can do whatever you want, if you say the right thing afterwards. Sort of counter-intuitive to our “walk vs talk” rhetoric.

    david says, now no one will believe him. the thing is, how many of us have a vote? Each of our opinions as to what we think he did, if you added them all up, won’t buy that disinfected wooden nickel Patrick was talking about. pretty egocentric of any of us to think our personal belief concerning someone else’s actions is worth a fiddler’s fart. yeah, to some extent, we’re fans, we buy stuff, and after a long trickle-down process we pay the bills. but we act like St Pete is going to call up each of us when Landis reports in at the pearly gates to see what we think.

    Here’s an interesting perspective, from a guy who raced with him:

    Which got me thinking … the end result here is that cycling is once again the biggest joke in sports. Vince McMahon’s XFL has more credibility. When you’re swarmed by mosquitoes, you can keep buying swatters, or you can drain the swamp. The bad guys have always been and always will be the bad guys. That’s their roll. The good guys did the right thing, but they also stood by and watched the bad guys do their thing … so I’m not so sure they’re still the good guys anymore. Maybe it’s time for the folks that everyone thinks has been racing clean to speak up and tell everyone what they’ve seen. What does Vaughters know? What did Michael Barry see on Postal? Christian Vande Velde raced with Heras; what did he see? Why did Danny Pate return to the domestic scene? Mike Creed? Horner? All of the guys who raced in Europe and didn’t like it … why?

    It’s time for everyone to talk, and if everyone does, the fear of retribution goes away.

  13. Larry T. Says:

    As to non-doping news — if you thought the scenery around yesterday’s Giro d’Italia stage into Porto Recanati was nice, you’d quite likely enjoy our Umbria & Le Marche tour as we ride through this area in the latter part of the journey from Tirreno to Adriatico, staying our final night atop Monteconero, just south of Ancona. Interesting stages these past few days at the Giro, two days ago the BIGS (as they call ’em here in Italy) couldn’t get organized to chase down a break of over 15 minutes while yesterday they (except for Evans, the man without a team and it seems, many friends)could get VERY organized when 20 seconds were in play. I’d blame this on “radio-controlled” racing where the thinking’s been farmed-out to the bosses in the team cars…but then again I still ride a steel bike so what do I know? Can’t wait to see what might happen once they hit the big climbs starting this weekend!

  14. Boz Says:

    Steve-O has gotten to the gist of it all: We have no stake in this game, it doesn’t effect our lives one little bit and Landis, Armstrong, Basso, and the rest don’t owe us a thing. We choose to watch racing, buy bikes and related gear, support Versus, etc. of our own free will. We have no duty or rights involving the sport, we can vote with our feet. We do get enjoyment from it from time to time, but it doesn’t rule my life. I have never bought products based on who is on the podium. If so, I’d have Treks and Nikes galore. I have very little of either.

  15. Larry T. Says:

    And if the UCI doesn’t extend the ban on Valv-Piti (which I thought was supposed to have happened by now) from Italy to worldwide, they truly will show the same concern for SPORT as demonstrated by World Wrestling Entertainment. Another issue related to cheating is that here in Italy and most of Europe, folks can bet on the outcome of these races, one of the reasons the “sporting fraud” statutes were enacted. But of course that’s just BUSINESS rather than sport and like the above folks have opined, we can pay attention or not to pro cycling and other sporting/business events. One thing’s for sure, Floyd’s caused a ruckus that may not die off as soon as the mobsters who run pro cycling would like!

  16. Jeff in PetroMetro Says:

    Damn. Landis accuses a VeloNews editor of being a cocaine whore.

    I’m not sure what to think of Landis’s mental state based on one obvious fact: VeloNews editors don’t get paid enough to sustain a coke habit.

    Beer habit? Maybe.

  17. Larry T. Says:

    O’Grady was mentioning VN correspondent Hoody enjoying Brunello over here…..perhaps VN pays THOSE guys more than you’d think?

  18. khal spencer Says:

    Thanks, Libby. As soon as I read that story about Landis, I started having evil thoughts about doing a remake of the Stone’s song.

  19. steve-o Says:

    // Damn. Landis accuses a VeloNews editor of being a cocaine whore. //

    Actually, that was Dr Kay who said that.

    I dunnoh … Landis has more than his fair share of demons, and I doubt he’ll be invited as the keynote speaker at this summer’s Boy Scout Jamboree … but seems he’s personally to blame for everything everyone around him does. (Granted, you pick your friends … ) It was his assistant who drunk dialed LeMond with the Uncle Roy threats, Kay who made the coke whore comment, and the USADA who leaked these emails.

  20. Jeff in PetroMetro Says:

    steve-o: You are correct. I’m too quick to attribute statements from the hangers-on to the hangees-from.

    Gotta give TCWSNBN credit. His posse doesn’t shoot from the hip.

  21. JD Says:

    So, Floyd’s “Positively False” book… which pile do we toss that one in now? “Burn Now” or “For starting the fire in Hell”?

  22. JD Says:

    Also makes me wonder about Chris Horner. After several stabs at racing on Euro squads, then coming back and racing on domestic teams, and the last few years he’s been FLYING with the big boys. Damn, hate to think of that. He was really nice to my boys when we watched him 2000, 2001 when he was on Mercury team. Ugh…

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