Holy warrior slays Muslim auto’s floorboard

Terry Jones

Pastor Terry Jones as a younger man. (Yosemite Sam, "Tribute to the Stars of Termite Terrace II," 2001, limited-edition cel signed by Noel Blanc).

Koran-burning assclown Terry Jones shot and killed a Muslim terrorist floorboard in his own car Thursday night after leaving a TV station in Southfield, Michigan, where it must have been a very slow news day indeed.

Jones, who is clinging to his 15 minutes of fame the way Satan clings to his grudge against Heaven, apparently suffered a premature discharge while getting into the passenger seat of his car. The floorboard was pronounced dead at the scene. He and his driver both bore valid Florida concealed-weapons licenses and were not charged.

Jesus, isn’t it bad enough that this yokel managed to become a pastor? Shouldn’t one have to meet a higher standard for carrying a concealed weapon than for distributing mythology? And a .40 caliber? Puh-leeze. Everyone knows that the standard-issue sidearm for a Christian Soldier is the M1911 .45.

So, remember, kiddies: Check those safeties, and never leave a live round in the chamber. Oh, yeah — and while you’re at it,  try not to be a pulpit-pounding peckerwood who looks like someone Super-Glued an ermine weasel to his chops while he was passed out after chugging the communion wine.

• The magic show continues: Praying for rain in Texas, the War on Easter and how teaching evolutionary biology turns your kids queer. Father O’Grady orders penance of two Bloody Marys and one Hello Dolly for Steve Benen at Political Animal.

12 Responses to “Holy warrior slays Muslim auto’s floorboard”

  1. Bruce M Says:

    Okay, Patrick, you woke me up with this one. As one who got a degree in math, I’ll give you this one, courtesy of Robert Ardrey’s book “The Territorial Impperative,” A = E+h. “The amity, …, which an animal expresses for others of its kind will be equal to the sum of the forces of enmity and hazard which are arrayed against it.” Or, to put it this way, We need an enemy to keep “our” group together. The Russians are no longer a threat, so some have turned to Muslims.

    Okay. As one who has two advanced degrees in theology, I’ll put it this way, “There is a lot of shit out there that gives Christianity a very bad name!”

    Peace, my brother!

  2. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    Hear, hear, well spoken Bruce (extra credit for knowing the source of the university faculty discussion from which I plucked this phrase).

    External threats, real or manufactured, are useful tools (They are coming for Us). Divide and conquer is a subset of this, I think (those brown people who talk funny/black people who listen to rap/white trash desperate for work will steal our jobs/neighborhoods/women).

    And religion makes a handy cattle prod, whether the perceived threat comes from within or without (They do not believe as We do). It’s sad that Christianity has so many inept representatives on the global stage these days. That Jesus fella seemed like a pretty decent sort.

    And peace unto you as well, my brother.

    How’s life among the webfeet? We’re in the 30s with rain and/or snow on the way.

  3. Joe Says:

    Here’s another one you’ll like, Patrick, though I suspect you are already familiar with it:

    “The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed — and hence clamorous to be led to safety — by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”– H.L. Mencken

  4. Duncan Carter Says:

    Organized religion, aka The Big Con. Patrick, you know my third son, Rush. Now you can understand where he got his bad attitude about religion.

    ;-))

  5. Charley Says:

    Generally speaking I like people; excluding bigots and racists, religion has no redeeming value to Earth or Mankind.

  6. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    I don’t have a problem with religion as such. I do have issues with some of its practitioners. Bruce up there is one of the good’uns.

    What I can’t believe is that nobody got the reference above: “Hear, hear, well spoken, Bruce.” What a bunch of poofters.

  7. James Says:

    “Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!” I mean Patrick Bruce, ah hell!

  8. Khal Spencer Says:

    Sorry to miss the fun yesterday, albeit I think that Bruce reference would have stumped me these days. We were out battling headwinds south of Santa Fe much of the day, preparing for the Santa Fe Century.

    But lest we forget.

  9. This Belgian doesn’t waffle « Mad Blog Media Says:

    […] Mad Blog Media Arf for arf's sake « Holy warrior slays Muslim auto’s floorboard […]

  10. john Says:

    As so often happens, The Onion gets it just right:

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-to-just-hand-terry-jones-over-to-fundamentalist,19947/

  11. Sharon Says:

    We do really need rain bad in Texas for so many different reasons. If praying would work, we would have tried that long ago. For us, we decided to take matters in our hands and went to the car wash and paid good many to get the dirt knocked off the cars. Now we know it will rain for sure tomorrow.

  12. Akirlguegred Says:

    Hello

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