The shoes keep dropping, and all Big Tex will say is that some folks have some very dirty feet indeed.
Tyler Hamilton finally came clean yesterday, in the process adding about four hours to my shift in the VeloBarrel, and out came the Million-Pound Yellow Rubber Shithammer of Denial, right on cue. In its latest incarnation, dubbed Facts4Lance.com, the MPYRSOD makes Thor’s Mjolnir look like a tack hammer.
As expected, Tex’s spokescreature, Marco Fabuloso, used his tongue purtier than a $20 whore in defense of his client, whose acid Twitterwit seems to have been diluted somewhat by former underlings taking a piss. The best Tex could manage in 140 characters or less was the traditional boilerplate about a multiplicity of tests and the positivity thereof, which he keeps stored in a macro key on his HP Livestrong laptop, followed by a feeble attempt at redirection: “And in news from this century … there’s an amazing bike race taking place in California. Thanks for supporting these amazing athletes.”
Speaking of the amazing Amgen Tour of California, its amazing management must get awfully tired of these amazing revelations taking place on their amazing dime, especially going into the amazing Solvang time trial, not exactly the sort of amazing contest to keep the sporting media on the edge of its seat. If I’m racing in California I’m not leaving the team bus until 30 seconds before my start and I’m getting right back into the sonofabitch as soon as I cross the line.
Not so Big George Hincapie, who has mastered the art of saying nothing at length. Speaking to VeloNews yesterday, he said: “I know you’ve got a job and you’ve got to ask these questions. I’ve got a job too. My job’s here to race my bike, promote the sport that we all love; that I’ve sacrificed my whole life for and I just have no interest in dragging this sport through the mud, so I’m sorry, but I have no comment.”
Having just said at some length that he would not comment, Hincapie continued to comment: “Look at all the fans out here; the race is doing awesome. It has incredible support and incredible sponsors. I believe in cycling. I believe in what cycling has done. I believe cycling has done more than any other sport to make it a clean sport. Why can’t we focus on that?”
Hey, I’d be delighted. I don’t know a single, solitary cycling scribe who got into the game because he liked covering the cops and courts. Quite the opposite, in fact. And perhaps one day, after Big Tex has had his day in an actual court, instead of the virtual court he presides over on Twitter, we can all get back to covering the sport we all love.
But today isn’t the day.
• Late update: Well, in light of the latest revelations, ol’ George sounds more wistful than weaselly, eh? It’s raining shoes out there. Whom will “60 Minutes” trot out next, Big Tex’s ex? Robin Williams? Batman?
Mad Blog Media 
Jeeze, Patrick. What era are you living in? I can’t imagine a $20 whore being very pretty in today’s market. Then again, I haven’t done the R and D on that one…
Shit….Taggart.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner. …
Yep, got me flat-footed on that quote, Patrick.
Sorry, K — I should’ve dropped in the link, but I couldn’t find one that stayed on topic until this morning. All the others ran overlong, not unlike myself.
Does anyone have a consolidated list of the folks who share LA’s distinction of never having failed a drug test? There’s Riis, Andreau, Vaughters, Pantani (high crit, not a straight-up detection), Zabel, Museeuw (tapped phone conversations, but no positives, yeah?), etc …
Haven’t seen any other commentary on this, but I thought it was interesting that after the Chief Chamois Sniffer, Bill Strickland, did his one-eighty, LIVESTRONG’s only statement was that their organization was much bigger than one man. If that’s not prepping for the inevitable, I don’t know what is.
I was thinking the same thing. It’s not like WADA has the best batting average. Does Lance really think this proves that he’s innocent, or is it just turning into a joke about his streak?
As near as I can tell, claiming you’re as pure as a mountain spring because you’ve never tested positive is right up there with claiming you’re a citizen because nobody caught you coming over the fence.
Thank God nobody ever caught Gramps. That was one hell of a long swim to Ellis Island from County Clare. What with his swimming prowess and his legendary ability to run from the police, he’d have been a top-notch triathlete if he’d ever been sober enough to steal a bicycle.
Same with my grandpa, Patrick. Probably would have been a helluva Giro rider, the way he always stayed one step ahead of trouble.
Steve O, I can unequivocally state that I have never failed a drug test! I pass them each time we are given them.
Just as I was getting to ‘like’ road racing again this silliness starts up again. Hell while I was watching the AToC finish up on Monday the ONLY racer I gave a hoot about was Lars Boom. When a top crosser can hang with those thoroughbreds, my chapeau comes off. As for the friends who were watching with me, the cries of “Georgie!” and “There’s Georgie!” were like being stuck in the third row at Shea Stadium as the Beatles wound down. I can only hope that the same happens to the Greatest American Racer to Have Never Won Paris-Roubaix Even Though He Had Numerous Chances and Tumbled into a Cow Shit Infested Canal (GARHNWPRETHHNCTCSIN). Hincapie should just hang it up and worry about his clothing line in my opinion. He has never struck me as the sharpest tack in the toolshed so anything he says just seems to be fed to him.
James, the only one I ever took, I passed, to my everlasting amazement. It was for a gig at The Los Angeles Times, and I had no idea how long cocaine stayed in one’s system. Thank God I didn’t get the job, because there wasn’t enough blow in the world to keep me at that paper, in that town.
Speaking of doping, is anyone else watching Alberto Clenbutador at the Giro with more than just a little bit of disbelief? He went up Etna faster than a BMW motorcycle. And right now I’m watching him cruise up Austria’s Grossglockner (is that a great name or what?) faster than I can ride the flats. Very impressive. Suspiciously so.
Yeah, he didn’t even have to shift into overdrive. I bet if he really gave it some throttle the road would rise and fall in his wake, the way it did in the Road Runner cartoons.
GH could have just used the “ongoing investigation” line, couldn’t he? Wonder why he made such an obviously conflicted non-statement?
He’s used almost exactly those same words before, IIRC. I think ol’ George is just like everyone else — putting in his hours and counting the days until he can retire and do something fun that doesn’t involve answering annoying questions from the cycling press.
Haven’t watched the Pharma Tour of Cali any, but have been following the Giro on Gazetta, with windows for the English language text tickers on the side. Bloviating announcers don’t tick me off nearly as much when they’re blabbing in Italian.
Nah, I can’t bring myself to believe Clenbutador is really clean, but it’s still good to see some major league bike racing in a beautiful country, even if the only real action happens in the last 30 minutes of each stage.
As to TCWMNBN, some time ago I gave up denying that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. That said, have you watched the interview clip with Tyler H? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone so obviously appear to be lying, but nonetheless feeling guilty about it (unlike, say, any official of the Repuglicant Party). If he’d been hooked up to a polygraph, he would have bent the needles.
Sad.
Well put, Patrick.
Tyler (or was that the Chimera) sure looked uncomfortable in that clip, but I won’t prognosticate as to whether it was the nature of the discussion or the nature of dissemblance. Did he fess up to get the weight off his shoulders, or because like most of us, a trip to Club Fed for lying to a grand jury is worse than being on cycling’s shit list?
Beats me, but yet one more shoe falls, as O’G says.
I wonder if Big George just hates dealing with the seedy side of pro cycling. “…I’ve sacrificed my whole life for (cycling) and I just have no interest in continually having to make excuses for or cover for my crackhead little brothers, so I’m sorry, but I have no comment…”
Given how strangely Pelley phrased every question, I would have been uncomfortable as well. Hamilton was trying to say, “We all doped,” and Pelley kept asking, “But did you see Armstrong dope?” Pretty sure Pelley is incapable of ad libbing, following the lead, or otherwise improvising or straying from his prepared questions. Shoulda let Jon Stewart interview him, one of about three guys who actually listens to the person he’s interviewing.
Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Charlie Rose, and Terri Gross … the only folks who actually listen when they’re doing an interview. How scary is it that half of them are comedians?
In today’s NY Times.
Quite possibly one of your best columns ever Patrick…
Thanks, David. Any old whore will tell you it’s tough to keep climbing the same old stairs over and over and over again.
George is dumber then a sack of ………. Ahhhh shit forget it.
Oh and this: Turk never photographs badly, unlike moi.
Libby, he is a pretty boy, isn’t he? You’ll notice I don’t post many pix of myself. The sound of monitors exploding throughout the Western Hemisphere would convince the dull-witted that the Rapture was indeed upon us. Herself and the cats are easier on the eyes.
Et tu, Hincape?
Ciao from Sicily! BigTex’s in big trouble as is everyone in the Giro not named Contador except HE will be in trouble after he “wins” the Giro (though it ain’t over yet) but life here is pretty f–in’ great. I’ll try to get some blog posts up soon.
Jeepers guys, lighten up on Big George already. What would you do if you had testified before a grand jury, been told emphatically to keep your mouth shut, then been hounded by everyone and their brother to talk publicly? George has been around long enough to know that he and all of his fellow racers need to give the media something to work with or they just make it up, and he’s in a position now where every syllable is being parsed for its hidden meaning.
I know I’d sound pretty lame, and I bet you would too.
So the burning question is this. Outside of criminal penalties, what’s this going to cost TCWMNBN? I was reminded this morning about the $5m insurance payout in 2004. I bet they’ll want their money back. The USPS, his lawyers, his flack, too. I bet even his ex-wife will want to get something out of him before he goes broke.
And unlike Martha Stewart’s company, which distanced itself pretty successfully from her when she went up the river, I dont’ see his foundation having that same savvy to see the need, nor the strategic marketing horsepower to do that. So his income should also drop like a rock.
Signficant increase in outgo, significant drop in income. Hmm, sounds like he’ll be just like the rest of us.
Perhaps it would be better if the entire peloton just fessed up and got it over with. That includes the teams, owners, agents, doctors, support staff, regulatory agencies, and riders. We DO need to move past this shit. TCWSNBN is increasingly looking alone, isolated, an a bit like that naked emperor. Like Larry, I think was so endemic as to need an honesty moment and then rebuild minus the “don’t ask, don’t tell” system of doping.
Of course, TCWSNBN never tested positive…I suppose if one believes in miracles one could assume he cleanly beat everyone on the planet who was racing stock-modified production. Then again, if I believed in miracles, I’d probably be airborne by now, given its the 21st.
Anyone else left out there? Anyone? Patrick? Larry?
This ain’t no shoe … It’s a muthuh-flubbin’ boot, steel-toed with crampons!
http://m.espn.go.com/wireless/story?storyId=6571826
And the related story here:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/otl/columns/story?id=6572159
Armstrong’s tight inner circle crumbles
Good read, that. Bonnie Ford knows her business. I’ve heard it said that certain cycling publications found themselves forced to cover the Tour without access to Texus Maximus, which certainly added a few kilos to the already-heavy lifting.
It seems that the rapture event Mr. Camping “predicted” may actually be coming true………if one is named TCWSNBN.
As for the rest of us: seems about the same as yesterday.
They say Novitsky, if he thinks you’re dirty, will ruin you — if not in a court of law, in the court of public opinion. That seems to be the case here — only the manic BigTex-faithful will defend him after 60 minutes airs and his earning power will dry up quickly. I’ll not be surprised to see Tex off on a little vacation outside the USA, from which he might never return. He’s certainly got dough stashed in offshore banks and he can do the Roman Polanski bit for the rest of his life. Kids and girlfriends can be shipped in. As to doping a “truth and reconciliation” program is needed to clean things up for sure.
Tyler Hamilton sure looked squirmy on that 60 Minutes set.
I can’t imagine doping was going on in cycling and no one but the dopers knew about it.