The Return of the Shit Monsoon

The Shit Monsoon Redux

They say the job ain’t over ’til the paperwork is done, but I think this one’s gonna take more than one roll of toilet paper.

Well, shit. And I do mean shit. As in shit fountaining out of the downstairs toilet for the second time in three years.

Here’s the long and the short of it: Herself and I were enjoying a glass of the finest European sidewalk-softener and a bit of TV last night when she hears a bubbling sound from downstairs. She goes to investigate and I hear another kind of sound altogether, reminiscent of the racket I was making in 2009 when the exact same thing happened to me.

So now it’s wash, rinse and repeat time again. The carpet is coming up, along with the tile, and some drywall is coming out. We’ve already relocated Herself’s office to the kitchen, where the cats may use her keyboard as a springboard to the windowsills for perimeter inspection.

My office, meanwhile, houses the 1st Feline Home Defense Regiment and its equipment, to wit, one (1) sand-filled polyurethane waste receptacle, i.e., the litter box. Not exactly a box of roses, but hey — when the whole house smells like a toilet, what’s another turd or two?

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22 Responses to “The Return of the Shit Monsoon”

  1. Andy Bohlmann Says:

    I know a good portable toilet place if you need one.

    They’ll even clean it once a week.

  2. Sharon Says:

    Dat gummit Patrick – 2 times in 3 years! That’s really shitty. I kid – and hope that you guys can determine what’s happening. I usually like to blame the squirrels when anything goes wrong at our house.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, Sharon. At some point all you can do is laugh. Some years back there was an attempted car bombing across the street, and last year the SWAT team rousted a bunch of dope fiends, hookers and strongarm robbers from a place across the alley, so we’ve been joking about the Bomb House, the Crack House and the Shit House.

  3. bromasi Says:

    I don’t know but I would check the dog they do like toilets.

  4. Libby Says:

    Of course, it had to happen before a holiday weekend! Was it a neighbor having work done or the city again?
    I remembered that this happened to you before but I didn’t remember your virtuosic accounting of said incident. Two hilarious schadenfreude posts in one! Good luck with the aftermath of this s-storm, including wrangling Buddy, Turk and Mia.
    This happened to me about 2 years ago when the neighbor had something done. We have public sewers, too.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Libby, the gods seem intent on keeping me inside the city limits for some reason. Every time I see a window of opportunity it slams shut on my fingers.

      Case in point: I was just thinking that with a couple weeks before my next deadline I could toddle on off to Santa Fe for a little of the old bikey ridey on the Dale Ball Trails, maybe in the Santa Fe National Forest. But noooooo. …

      Just as well, I suppose. The very idea was something of a luxury, and now it’s simply ridiculous. So it’s back to burning up the Bibleburg trails.

      As regards cause, nobody will take the rap for this one, especially the city, which contends that sewers simply back up for no reason, spilling raw sewage and gravel into one’s basement, even though nobody uphill from us on the block is in residence and taxing the system.

      I have noticed some heavy street work a few blocks north of here and wonder whether that might be a suspect. More research is indicated. Also clothespins for the nose, incense and scented candles.

  5. High Plains Drifters Says:

    Damn. Now where are you going to do your serious thinking?

  6. Arnold Says:

    Man that is grim. And an unlovely repeat performance! You show amazing composure in the face of suck a shitty break my friend. Stay strong.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Arnold, thanks. It’s educational to go from about 1,200 square feet to half that in one flush. The cats are the ones who suffer most. We’ve had many a “WTF?” moment from Turkish and Miss Mia Sopaipilla, and will have many more before it’s all over.

  7. Herb Says:

    Methinks your sewer line has to be the lowest point in the circuit and will need a grinder pump installed to insure sewage gets up
    and out to main line. Then, a check valve has to be installed by the city to totally insure that it ain’t coming back in. Something has to be done by the city man….this aggression can not stand as the Dude would say.

  8. khal spencer Says:

    Man, that is bad shit, Patrick.

    There is something called a backflow preventer. Kinda like a one-way anti-shit valve. Have you looked into one of these?

    Air quality is pretty bad right now from that huge fire down in the Gila. Most everyone I know in Bombtown cancelled their bike rides yesterday. So check with the local air quality folks before you take a bike vacation down in these parts, at least for the next couple weeks.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      K, we are so getting one of those. And we hope you have your Darth Vader helmet on. It’s bad enough up here, with 55-mph winds and the Front Strange hidden behind Gila smoke and dust. Haaaaaa-choo!

  9. khal spencer Says:

    Oh, here is a link.

  10. Boz Says:

    Like Khal said, basement crappers need an anti back valve. I did it on an old house that had that problem . I found out the same way you did. Like W said “fool me once….oh shit, what’s that expression?”.

  11. Grumbly OldGuy Says:

    I thought my world had gone to hell in a handbasket, but my problems are weak beer in comparison to the fountains from the seventh circle in Herself’s basement office. May your nightmare be over soon and peace return to your world.

    My natural paranoia thinks you have stepped into Terry Gilliam’s “Brazil” . Has your desk been changing size?

  12. Larry T. Says:

    Ahh, the joy of home ownership – a myth we never bought into, preferring to “throw our money away” every month and letting the landlord deal with, ah, stuff like this. When we’re ready to move to Italy, it’ll be “arrivederci” with 30 days notice. How ’bout that Giro state today? The day the big boys fell asleep, letting some guy down in 8th place get the stage win and move up to within a reasonable chance of taking the maglia rosa home for good.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Larry, Herself and I have had that chat a couple times since round two of the Shit Monsoon. Sell it all and rent? Why not?

      Tell you what, though. As bad as it is to have a mess in the basement, it’s a whole sight worse to be the guy who has to clean up the mess. I don’t think he’s on a first-name basis with the GOP’s presidential candidate, is what.

      And yeah, what were the big dogs thinking in today’s Giro stage? Purito definitely failed to do the jersey justice. Shame on him.

      • Larry T. Says:

        I think Purito raced on pure heart, same as Scarponi – they’re fried but went down fighting. I’d much rather see that rather than tactics like Basso’s….his “trying not to lose” tactics just burned up the whole team and failed miserably….making me remember how they wasted Nibali in the same way to get Basso his last Giro win. At least it now looks like the Shark of Messina will be going elsewhere next year…no more hauling “Gramps” around – the classic Sicilians doing all the work for the northern Italian boss. BASTA!

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