It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity

Jeebus. Four days of record-breaking heat in Bibleburg and more on the way. Lord, I know it was supposed to be the fire next time — I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.

Speakings of fires, have I mentioned that we’ve got ’em out the wazoo? Up near Lake George, around Fort Collins, at Pagosa Springs and around Mesa Verde, for starters.

The Springer fire near Lake George is thought to have been human-caused, if you can describe as “human” one or more of the lesser primates banging away at a propane tank with the old smokepole. Yes, that’s the rumor behind the news, as The Firesign Theatre would put it. And the crazier the rumor, the greater the likelihood that it’s true. We also have a serial arsonist lighting up the roadside grasses in Teller County. Good times.

The menagerie and I are left alone to endure this smoky pestilence, Herself having pissed off to Mouse Country for some class of library confab at which they all dress severely, put their hair up in buns and practice the hissing of “Shh!” at each other. Just as well, I suppose, as the metaphorical flames of multiple deadlines are licking around my feet and I can’t seem to stomp them out fast enough, which makes me unpleasant company.

And at least we still have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of, unlike a whole bunch of folks up in Larimer County, whose homes are now portable, fitting neatly into their cars’ ashtrays. Makes a shit monsoon feel like a gentle summer rain.

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5 Responses to “It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity”

  1. BenS Says:

    Aah, to point a small bit of bias in your usually stellar reporting. As a card carrying and Dewey speaking librarian, rest assured Herself feed you a pretty good line as to the clan’s behaviors each summer confab.

    Seriously dude you should go. The public librarians are all special/micro brew freaks, the academics are serious about their single malts, the kindly sales folks will drink you under the table for a contract and we all eat like horses.

    I can tell you this as, well I am riding more than doing anything else, no potential employer would ever even think of looking here.

    Just stay away from the ones with wheelies full of vendor tchotckes. They’re on a mission.

  2. JoeyDurango Says:

    The Weber Fire near Mancos – which started at all of 4:30pm yesterday – had grown large enough by the time I returned home at 7:00 to make the whole western horizon one large brown cloud, hovering over Durango like a sci-fi monster. I feel bad for anyone with a house out there. At about 10pm it began raining ash on our deck. How does a fire go from nothing to 500 acres in four hours? Well, shee-it, it is dry out here. And guess what, the fire began right next to a road. Thanks for the butt, Bubba.

    • Khal Spencer Says:

      The Las Conchas Fire went from zero to 44,000 acres in one day, so I feel your pain, Joey. That fire started on a Sunday at about 1 p.m. (last 26 June, I believe) about 12 miles west of here and by nightfall, had appeared on the ridge just west of town. The next morning the news claimed it was 44,000 acres and I thought it was a misprint. It was not.

      The West is drier than a popcorn fart, as a former technician who worked for me used to say. Its scary.

  3. Derek Says:

    and Waldo Canyon is now going up in smoke, The Garden is closed and some of Manitou is being evacuated

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