Missed him by that much

God is trying to get Paddy McQuaid, sending a flood to bugger up cyclo-cross worlds in Kaintucky, but the fat bastard keeps bobbing and weaving, ducking the punch.

Word is that Sunday’s races have been shoehorned into Saturday’s schedule, so come the Lord’s day we’re unlikely to enjoy the sight of Fat Paddy sailing down the Ohio River on a raft composed entirely of his own bullshit, more’s the pity.

Just one more reason I’m an atheist with a Zen streak.

• Late update: My fellow Bibleburger Casey B. Gibson is shooting worlds for the VeloNews mob. Here’s his latest gallery. The sandbags are going down and the water is coming up. Good times.

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28 Responses to “Missed him by that much”

  1. Stan Thomas Says:

    And what do we think about this a***h*le ?
    http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/floyd-landis-announces-gran-fondo

    What planet are they on thinking that the Flandis name is a plus?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Ah, the grand fondue is definitely the flavor of the month. And we ‘Murkins have a notoriously short attention span. In my lifetime Nixon went from live arch-criminal to dead statesman, while Reagan went from two-bit ham to Ronaldus Magnus. Only Pete Rose seems to stand the test of time, evildoer-wise.

      The Founders would all hang themselves from a sour apple tree if they could see what a hash we’ve made of things.

      • steebno Says:

        Old buddy of mine, whenever someone pointed out how unfair life was, would always say “Yasir Arafat had a Nobel peace prize, but Pete rose can’t get into the hall of fame … “

    • Larry T. Says:

      I dunno, if it wasn’t for Floyd, BigTex might still be a 7-time winner of Le Beeg Shew. I kind of hope he collects a big payday from his whistle-blower lawsuit so he can pay back the individuals (not the rat-bastard lawyers who put up the bulk of the loot) who donated to his defense fund with enough left over to enjoy a decent life. If anyone in cycling was used and tossed aside like a sheet of toilet paper, it was Landis.

      • Steeb'n O' Says:

        Dude definitely made some mistakes in his life. Seems to me, tho, that he’s paid / is paying for most of them. His interview with Kimmage is worth a read, over on NYVeloCity.

      • Khal Spencer Says:

        Gotta go with Larry on this one. Floyd definitely got the Soft Weave treatment and I have a hard time being disparaging with respect to him. Plus, the Catskills in June can be beautiful (I suppose for those folks a couple years older than yours truly, a short jaunt from Windham over to Woodstock is in order).

        Anyone know what roads the Grand Fondue will be ridden on? I spent many a year riding the motorcycle through the ‘skills during the summer on my way between SUNY Stony Brook down on Lawn Guyland and my upstate haunts near Buffalo, Rochester, and Elmira. Too bad its so far from BombTown, but I suppose I could use it as an excuse to visit my cousins near Albany.

      • Larry T. Says:

        Only was up there once with the Tour de “Guy with a dead squirrel on his head” and the hills were steep, especially the thing they called “Devil’s Kitchen” which killed the young Russian’s hopes of victory. Plenty of undergeared guys had to walk up that thing! I think that year Raul Alcala was the winner. Floyd’s certainly made some mistakes but at the bottom of it I think he’s an OK guy..and now that pretty much everything he claimed about Tex has been proven to be true, why not try to salvage something from his notoriety? Ol’ Greg LeMond is doing the same thing, launching LeMond Inc. to get back into the bike biz. I say “buona fortuna” to both of them!

      • Khal Spencer Says:

        The west out here has some long, grueling climbs, but my recollection of back east is there are some sharp, nasty shorter ones that could put tears in your eyes if you are under-geared.

        I keep the old Cannondale (CAAD-5) in the stable for weird rides and winter.There is a spare old Shimano XT derailleur sitting in a parts box to swap out for the Ultegra and I can put a 11-32 cogset on that bike while still leaving the Six-Thirteen looking manly with its full Campy setup. That said, even the Campy bike is now set up with a compact in front and a 12-29 or 12-28 in back. At my age and lack of talent (i.e., I compete with the Large Sicilian Ass against O’G and the Large Irish Ass), a frisbee size cassette makes more sense than false ego and walking the hills or blowing out the knees.

    • Stan Thomas Says:

      Hmm, I was wondering if I could bring out the hypocrisy. Let’s see…

      Flandis : caught red handed; swears his innocence on a stack of Holy Bibles, despite coming from a devout Mennonite family; solicits contributions from the public for his legal defense (fraud in anyone’s book); after exhausting every avenue, confesses; grasses up everyone else in return, it would appear, for a pardon and financial reward.

      So, the same folk who want to hang Lance from the nearest tree think Flandis is an ‘ok guy’ who they’d be happy to ride with.

      • James Says:

        Honestly, I never had a beef with Floyd. He did what he had to do to survive the TdF as Cancer Jesus/TCWSNBN’s understudy.

        Did he cheat to win??? Um, well, not really in my book because he claimed that he did it “to recover.” Sadly, when masters racers are doping to win a t-shirt AND $$$ I think that is a worse thing that whatever it was that Floyd was doing.

        Yes, he lied (to a certain extent) but then again didn’t every other TdF winner since the 80s?

        Did he defraud the people? Well, if you gave money to his “defense fund” than I have some beachfront property to sell you in St. Louis.

        Floyd’s biggest thing was that he didn’t tell the truth….until the noose was around his neck and then he chatted like a stool pigeon. Admirable? Maybe not in everyone’s book but considering that 99% of the population would rather sniff Cancer Jesus’ chamois than actually think for themselves…well then I say let Floyd do whatever he wants.

        At least he is not ‘not racing’ a Gran Fondo like Levi.

        http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/levi-leipheimer-joins-in-unsanctioned-mountain-bike-event-despite-suspension_272200

        (sorry POG for the post to VeloSnooze but it was the best I could find…ick…my skin is crawling)

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        I’m grateful to ol’ Flandis. After he tripped the Dope-O-Meter® I croaked the cable package. He’s saved me six and a half years of hefty bills for TV that wasn’t worth watching.

      • Larry T. Says:

        Yes Stan, you’re right — as far as you go…but you leave out a LOT. The BIG difference between these two is one is (still) rich and famous via some very nasty tactics in addition to simply cheating and lying about it,, destroying careers along the way while the other is a sort of hapless guy led into the mess by the former.For me that is a very BIG difference.

      • Stan Thomas Says:

        Ok, we agree to differ – Lance Won 7.

      • Steeb'n O' Says:

        Stan, interesting job of cherry picking the data.

        My recollection is, nearly everyone was in favor of string up Floyd the Younger up until the point he came clean. And no ones calling him a hero right now. Merely, acknowledging he’s trying to do the best he can, events being what they are.

        By the way, is telling a fib worse if you’re a Mennonite than, say, a screaming atheist?

  2. sherkat Says:

    I sure wish they would have put the women’s race right before the men’s. We’ll be waking up at 4:30am and hopping in the van to try to watch the slugfest between Compton and Vos. I like young boys as much as the next guy, but I could care less about the U-23….

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Man, I’d bring the hip flask for reals. Maybe one big enough to sit in. That’s how my people take a drop on a fine soft evening when they’re too pissed to lift a glass — they sit in a barrel of poteen and bring it up osmotically via the bunghole.

      • Patrick O'Brien Says:

        Now that is some funny shit. Can I sit on a barrel of Guiness please, bunghole to bunghole. Screw osmosis, I want gas pressure, higher on the stout end of course.

      • steebno Says:

        How many versions of this joke have you heard?

        Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
        “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”
        “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
        “That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guiness brewery…”
        “Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”
        “I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
        Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
        “It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned.”
        “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”
        “Well, no Brenda… no.”
        “No?”
        “Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

    • steebno Says:

      USACE sure has made a mess of that river. Took Mother Nature around 5 million years to lay it down the way it was, and we think we can smooth down the sides and clean out the bottom so we can float barges of bottle coke, tube socks, and thigh-masters from Walmart to Walmart.

  3. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    sherkat, given the forecast there it should be about 17 and snowing at 0430. You all are getting the same nasties as us out west, record warm followed by record cold and snow. They should have had the race on Tuesday. But, would I get up at 0430 and put on the snowmobile suit to watch Vos? Damn right. But right before the race I would do what Mr. O’Grady instructed me to do when I am cold; set the snowmobile suit on fire.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Mighty glad I chose to skip this one, Patrick, though I’d love to see the Vos-Compton throwdown. I always enjoyed watching Anne Grande and Alison Dunlap battle, and this would be that and then some.

  4. sherkat Says:

    Thankfully for me the Chief of the Heckawee Tribe is piloting the Mystery Machine from Illinois to Kentucky. Unfortunately, the inbred in Kentucky haven’t discovered that Jesus Invented the snowplow while he was riding around on dinosaurs. Still, it’s gonna be a clusterfuck getting the course if they have any accumulation. We done the UCI race on that course many times, and for Worlds the VIP parking is the satellite parking for the Derby Cup. Original plans to bike commute from the hotel are scrapped….

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Latest word: 2-4 inches of snow expected before Sunday. My spies predict heavy weather for the men’s race. This would give the edge to Treefarm, who’s tall enough to keep his snoot above the waves. Look like a Viking longboat he would. Maybe the Loch Ness Monster.

    • steebno Says:

      I spent 5th-6th grade at Ft Know. Huge nasty snowstorm one year canceled school in Hardin Co the entire month of January, even though they never got more than 3″ of the white stuff. No plows or salt trucks. Meanwhile, the brats at Knox never saw a one hour delay. Post CO called out the heavy junk, and the roads were clear before Pappy had to be in for morning PT.

  5. steebno Says:

    Great story I missed the first time around:

    I found the following story on the NPR iPhone App:

    Instead Of Surgery, Man Pedals Off The Pounds
    by Sam Evans-Brown

    NHPR – October 9, 2012

    A lot of Americans are struggling to lose a whole lot of weight, and they try all kinds of crazy things….

    http://www.npr.org/2012/10/09/162586325/instead-of-surgery-man-pedals-off-the-pounds?sc=17&f=

  6. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    “Be one with the universe. If you can’t do that, at least be one with your bike.”
    Leonard Zinn

    Zen advice from a cyclist. Maybe his last name got changed along the way? Seems like Zen philosophy would come in handy for a frame maker.

  7. John Borstelmann Says:

    Hey, O’Grady! I keep waiting for you to weigh on on the latest self-footshooting of Fat Pat McQuaid. I need some humor on this matter in the worst way! Speak, oracle!

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