A kick up the Oval Orifice

You know it’s Monday when you drop your English muffin en route to the toaster and it rolls straight into the dog’s water dish.

I blame Presidents Day, which is a bullshit holiday, like Valentine’s Day, intended to herd the feeble-minded to the nearest big-box outlet to buy shit they can’t afford and don’t need.

George Washington’s birthday? That I’ll celebrate. Lincoln’s birthday? Ditto. But there have been far too many nitwits, pud-pullers and ne’er-do-wells in the presidential pantheon for me to grant a blanket absolution, even for a single day.

There’s plenty of dead wood stacked up beneath that storied office, too. Case in point: “As budget crisis looms, Congress leaves town.” You get one day off for Presidents Day. This lot has fucked off until Feb. 25.

And to think some of them have the chutzpah to say the gummint should be run like a bidness. The stoutest union shop in the country doesn’t pay out this kind of slack. Try telling the manager at Mickey D’s you need a week off for Presidents Day and he’ll give you a kick up your Oval Orifice.

Hell, try telling him you want Presidents Day off. We wish you luck in your next endeavor.

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18 Responses to “A kick up the Oval Orifice”

  1. Khal Spencer Says:

    These clowns should be docked the pay. The don’t deserve to be paid to begin with.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I think it’s time for a lottery. Put everyone’s SSN into a rotating drum, then start pulling numbers until you’ve enough to fill the executive, legislative and judicial branches.

      Second round determines who’s president, vice president, speaker of the House, president pro tempore of the Senate and chief justice of the Supreme Court.

      Third and fourth rounds pick the House and Senate. Leftovers go to the Supremes.

      How much worse could it be?

    • Patrick O'Brien Says:

      Patrick, we couldn’t bait you and Charles to run the UCI over on RKP. Would you consider President? Charles as Attorney General? You got my vote! Then you could declare an emergency and recall the sumbitches into session until they produced all twelve appropriation bills.

  2. Boz Says:

    I didn’t get a day off. Our checks weren’t even deposited last Friday due to the payroll companies f-up (allegedly). We only got an email telling us if we bounced a check, they would make god on the fees! 800+ employees all went “WTF?” Hopefully we will see our funds deposited tomorrow. Maybe the debt ceiling kicked in…..

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      No days off for freelance rumormongers either, Boz. And we get the same-same treatment, check-wise. I have to holler on someone every 30 days to keep the lights on and the water running around here.

  3. weaksides (@weaksides) Says:

    Hell…I work for the gubmint (local) and I don’t get today off!

    My friend with the bike shop decided not to open though. He’s riding and I’m working. Shit.

    Khal, I’d be all for letting them keep the pay and take away all the bennies- especially their health insurance.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Herself works for the State and theoretically has the day off, but I hear working noises from the downstairs office. Plus she had to cut my hair this morning, which qualifies as work considering all the time she has to spend hunting hairs to cut. How come a guy can’t just go bald all across the noggin? The survivors make me look like a four-eyed albino coconut with the mange.

  4. Larry T. Says:

    Well, other than during the actual CycleItalia tour season I guess I have pretty much every day off. Didn’t even realize it was a holiday (for the select few) until I saw it here. When I get back to the USA one of the first things I’m going to do is make campaign contributions to whomever is running AGAINST Senators McCain and Graham.
    Election season’s in full swing here in Italia… ol’ Berlusconi’s pulling every page out of the GW Bush/Mitt Romney playbook, trying to make a difference in this weekend’s vote. If I was voting I’d go for Monti, who seems to be pretty much the only adult on the ballot..

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