Postage due

Random observations on a snowy Wednesday:

• Sloth apparently has a genetic component. So, now, in addition to everything else, you can blame your parents for making you a lazy fat bastard.

• It doesn’t matter if you get shot by a loony. What matters is how many lawmakers might lose their jobs if even a watered-down bit of gun-control legislation were to pass Congress.

• Great idea, bad optics. I’m all for Denver making 2014 “the year of the bike,” having lived there for a few years that weren’t. But if you’re going to argue that bike-ped programs should be among your top budget priorities in a tough economy, it’s probably a good idea to not let a Denver Post scribe snap a staged photo that makes City Council look like a bunch of kids enjoying spring break on Mommy and Daddy’s dime.

• Seen descending a slushy Bibleburg hill: An Audi driver motoring one-handed with a cellphone clamped to her right ear. The very personification of the Angel of Death.

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10 Responses to “Postage due”

  1. Khal Spencer Says:

    Those commies in Denver. First bike lanes, then black helicopters.

  2. John Says:

    How nice of the Denver City Council to spare a few minutes of their retreat at the Boettcher Mansion in order to briefly empathize with us peasants who ride bikes or even…gasp…walk. Every bike/pedestrian advocacy meeting I’ve ever attended was held in a windowless meeting room with uncomfortable chairs, and if there happened to be some stale donuts or bagels…well, now that qualified as a luxurious retreat!

  3. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    She was probably a brain surgeon assisting in a delicate surgical procedure until she could get to the hospital. The conversation was a matter of life or death. I think the phone should be shoved so far up her ass it becomes a hand free device.

    • Derek Lenahan Says:

      I once got to take a cell phone out of the woman’s hand and throw it. On Route 23 in NJ she almost hit me twice and then several others and almost ran off the road several times after she passed me. I pull up to a traffic light and she is on the phone AND putting on make-up. I took the phone and finished her conversation. She rolled (funny word for power windows) up her window and if I hadn’t taken her phone I am sure she would have been calling the cops. She then ran the red light too.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      That may be the best driver-on-the-phone story I’ve ever heard.

      I once saw a motorist reading the newspaper while driving. Not on the interstate, mind you, but on a street in Bibleburg. Some days I feel I’d be safer at home, wearing a tinfoil helmet and sticking my head in the microwave.

  4. Khal Spencer Says:

    Agree that photo op of the Denver City Council is not what I would want shown to the public as an advertisement for better bike-ped safety. Makes it look like these folks are not seriously connected to very many real world problems.

    That said, some of the best cities in the US on the livability indicies do pay attention to such things, and market themselves to the young and restless. Its as you say, Patrick, all in the packaging.

    Spare me any show of enthusiasm, however, until I see the engineering drawings. I’ve seen plenty of bad bike facility designs that, to paraphrase my pen pal John Schubert, protect the naive cyclist until the point of impact.

    A better approach to making cities safer for cyclists and pedestrians, not to mention motorists, would involve a little more drama, such as pulling that cell phone carrying idiot (your 4th point) out of her car and shoving that cell phone firmly up her ass, as Patrick O’Brien has suggested. Likewise, speeders, red light runners, and drunk drivers should be tied up and placed along the center stripe of major red light districts at 0200 on a Saturday morning and left to their fate.

    Don’t get me started on the cowards in Congress. If we all needed assault rifles, we would have been born with one each, shoved up our asses.

    • Boz Says:

      The real reason for the back ground check panic among the NRA whacks is that two of their finest scum bags wouldn’t pass. Super-patriot Ted Nugent dodged the draft via the 4F insanity status, as did Wayne Lapukier. No guns for you two!

  5. James Says:

    Boulder might be filled with wackos on vacation and whatnot, but the headline I saw on Google the other day makes me wonder if it was written overseas: “Vancouver Sun run experience registration boom in wake of Boston bombing”.

    Would it not make more sense to not put the word “boom” in the same sentence as “bombing”….at least in a headline?

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