The Bootleg Hobo and I visited one of my former neighborhoods south of downtown today. Turns out my former $75-per-month squat on Mill Street is for sale.
It’s easy to forget how many people ride bikes in this town until we get a sunny, 60-something day in January.
I slipped out for a 90-minute ride at midday and Holy Mary, Mother of God, you’d have thought we’d hit Peak Oil and left it bleeding out at roadside. Everybody and his grandma, from itty-bitty kids to grizzled graybeards, was gaily flogging a two-wheeler from Hither to Yon, no doubt hoping to burn a few calories before ingesting many, many more during the Broncos-Patriots feetsball game.
Despite a short stint as an assistant sports editor at The New Mexican in Santa Fe, I am not a fan of the feetsball, which is the polite way of saying that I don’t give two runny shits about a multibillion-dollar industry that temporarily shifts Americans’ homicidal instincts away from actual warfare and toward commerce by encouraging young gladiators to mutate their bodies with drugs and scramble their brains with high-speed collisions.
Cycling has its own issues in that regard, of course. But not the way I do it.
And at least you can watch televised pro cycling for more than 15 commercial-free seconds at a stretch (on a pirated Belgian feed, anyway). That’s how I spent my morning before throwing a leg over the Bootleg Hobo’s top tube. Plus you can be pretty certain the Organization is selling (and the spectators drinking) a higher-quality beer.
Tags: Cinelli Bootleg Hobo, feetsball
Mad Blog Media 
January 19, 2014 at 6:21 pm |
NFL- your tax dollars at work. What absolute bullshit.
But the Hobo, and the Mad Dog getting out for a nice ride in January. Sweet.
January 19, 2014 at 7:05 pm |
Oh, man, one of those days, to be sure. To be followed, naturally, by a stretch of our typically psychotic Colorado weather: 40s, 50s, 40s, 30s (snow), and so on. Well, a guy has to wear the long-sleeves and tights sometimes, eh?
January 20, 2014 at 2:52 pm |
Today was my turn. The ES and I went out for a pleasant 16.4 miles. 68 degrees on my return to the casita.
January 20, 2014 at 8:04 am |
So, one of the teams in the SuperDooperBowl has led the league in PED-related suspensions the last couple of years.
Guys are returning from supposedly catastrophic injuries in half the time a civilian would.
But bike racing has a doping problem.
January 20, 2014 at 8:47 am |
“Why would anyone let their child take part in that dope-soaked bicycle racing? ask Ma and Pa as they fire up the Exposition to shuttle Junior to his Pop Warner game.
January 20, 2014 at 9:51 am |
If you get in the bike racing and it turns out that you suck, at least you’ve adopted a healthy lifestyle that can potentially last your entire life
Not being naïve here… Always the chance of getting swiped off the side of the road by a texting driver behind the tiller of a land yacht
But if you play football, there is one 10th of 100 of 1000th of a percent chance that you’ll make it to the NFL. Which only guarantees an average career of 3.4 years and, for whatever reason, an average life expectancy of 56.
And I’ve got to take off both boots and socks so I can count the number of friends and relatives of mine who are screwed up from high school football injuries.
It’s that lottery mentality of ours. The smartest thing a college football player can do is get his degree and apply for one of the numerous grad school programs that booster clubs offer. Or parlay his college football fame into an internship.
My brother likes to point out the superiority of European football to the American version, so he’s always sending me articles about American football players who do stupid shit. I don’t know the names, but he’s told me about three or four first round draft picks you signed huge contracts blew it all and are now out of the NFL and filing for bankruptcy.
January 20, 2014 at 4:23 pm |
“…If you get in the bike racing and it turns out that you suck, at least you’ve adopted a healthy lifestyle that can potentially last your entire life…”
That kinda describes my history with bicycling, Steve.
January 19, 2014 at 8:07 pm |
Word, O’G.
January 20, 2014 at 6:18 am |
Supposedly Colorado is the first or second fittest state in this fine union. You wouldn’t know it from the news coverage of broncos fans. Looks like you have to be packing an extra 50 pounds to qualify for season tickets, and they only sell broncos gear in 3XL.
I mentioned that to my wife, and she said she heard that 1/3 of the planet is now overweight.
January 20, 2014 at 8:46 am |
Judging by the appalling state of the nation’s bellies ‘n’ booties, the U.S. must be starting to put a serious wobble into the planet’s orbit. Maybe it’s not climate change after all. …
January 20, 2014 at 11:52 am |
Since water is most of the mass of a fat cell obesity is just an organic way to store water for the coming drought wars.
January 20, 2014 at 6:19 am |
Ahh, Belgian beer. Quite a few monasteries in Belgium finance operations by brewing beer. So, as I tell the missus, I’m doing Gods work when I drink Belgian beer.
January 20, 2014 at 8:48 am |
Bless you, my son.
January 20, 2014 at 2:44 pm |
“They’re not gonna catch us. We’re on a mission from God!” Please sir, I will have another beer.
January 20, 2014 at 7:00 am |
We had a warm day here on the semi-frozen plains too. Too damn windy for enjoyable road riding so a semi-muddy, alternating with icy, slip and slide on MTB’s was the game plan, followed by a bike washing session. By then it was time for the feetsball, which for me means homemade guacamole and cerveza, then mostly snoring through the car commercials/game. What’s with the spots showing cars flying through the air and jumping over traffic? Such total BS they might as well show ’em shooting cash out the exhaust pipe when you fire ’em up!!!
January 20, 2014 at 8:22 am |
Steve Avery posted a rant about the bad driving ads. But what do you expect them to show during a toned-down gladiator combat exhibition?
http://dfwptp.blogspot.com/2014/01/bad-ads.html
I suspect if you charted weight gain for the average American male vs. calendar, you would find a spike during the January playoffs.
I always loved playoffs when I lived in Hawaii. Had the road to myself.
January 20, 2014 at 9:00 am |
I’ve seen that Nissan ad, too. Appalling. But then most of them are, regardless of product. The Geico ads we endure while streaming Colbert and Stewart have caused me to separate ammo and weaponry lest the TV suffer.
Speaking of ads that suck, Purina has appropriated George Clinton’s “Atomic Dog” to hawk its dog food. Hideous. Me golden idol is tarnished.
January 20, 2014 at 10:01 am |
I know I’m probably taking this too personally, but there’s some video game ad that ends with, there’s a little soldier in everyone
Seriously? Fat slob in his peejays playing video games in his mom’s basement, and he’s telling himself he’s part of the Band of Brothers, sacrificing for something worthwhile?
January 20, 2014 at 11:25 am |
The violence of the spots was same old-same old, but the total fantasy aspect of them was what wound me up. What’s next….”These cars not only fly away from traffic or mow down cyclists, but they are also FREE, just pay $19,444.00 for shipping and handling at your local Nissan dealer. Get two and save even more (just pay separate shipping and handling). Order now!”?
January 20, 2014 at 4:33 pm |
I don’t think you are taking it too personally, Steve; if it feels personal there is probably a reason.
I never served active duty and only played ersatz soldier for two years in NROTC, but know/knew plenty of folks who actually took incoming in WW II and Vietnam, including a good friend who was on the Rochester Police Force who had a lot of leftover metal in him from his Tour de Europe with the 101st Airborne. Woody somehow survived several major engagements, including Bastogne, and didn’t think much of fantasy treatment of warfare.
The fantasy bullshit not only sells video games, but sells the military too nowdays. All that “be an Army of one” stuff worries me.
January 20, 2014 at 8:50 am |
Herself was pulling her weekly volunteer shift at the Humane Society and I was working, so the feetsball passed unnoticed here at Chez Dog.
When she got back we streamed the mini-episode pimping season three of “Sherlock,” but the actual show doesn’t air on PBS until 10 p.m. Bibleburg time, so we’ll have to catch it online later. Now that there is what I call your must-see TV.
January 20, 2014 at 2:50 pm |
We have the same problem and solution. Sherlock comes on at 9pm local time. I assume you use your Mac Mini as a substitute for an internet ready TV or Apple TV. I am really thinking about the Apple TV box and killing this basic cable service. PBS is the only thing on there worth a shit.
January 21, 2014 at 7:17 am |
Larry, I am pretty sure the first 14 times I saw that ad (I did watch at least one whole game) there was no printed disclaimer at the bottom noting the fantasy nature of the commercial. Anybody else notice it popping up later?
January 20, 2014 at 11:32 am |
Warm weather = bike riding at our home, especially warm winter weather. However, last night we also got a chance to catch the last 2 episodes of Breaking Bad. We missed the entire series on tv, but got the Nextflix DVDs and watched all five seasons during the past 2 months. Awesome story and fantastic end. Haven’t seen a football game all season. May try to catch some of the Superbowl commercials for fun. A friend of a friend from Austin is supposed to be in one of the Doritos ads.
January 20, 2014 at 11:47 am |
Since water is most of the mass of a fat cell obesity is just an organic way to store water for the coming drought wars.
January 20, 2014 at 12:18 pm |
I’m not sure what they’re saying at the Pentagon these days, but in the 90s, the consensus was that the next world war would be more over water then any other resource
January 20, 2014 at 12:17 pm |
For what it’s worth… I’m training like Floyd Landis today
Going for 13 cappuccinos!
January 20, 2014 at 4:09 pm |
A beautiful day in the fifties here in Maryland seduced me and a friend to take single speed cruisers to a (fairly) new public recreation area in the state forest system. Miles and miles of roads and tracks – unfortunately all sand, and 80% of it loose. Can you say 10 miles in 2 hours?
Memo to self – get fatter tires, lower pressure, and a larger sprocket on the rear. Anyhow, I am back at home self-medicating with my favorite remedy, and looking forward to a meeting the county commissioners at 10:00 tomorrow.