Dumb, dumber and dumbest

Jesus, Teh Stupid is coming so fast and furious lately I can’t possibly keep track of it all.

The racist dummy in Nevada got shoved off the front pages by the racist dummy in California, Oklahoma is about one half-assed dope deal away from killing its death-row inmates with a hammer, and we can’t afford to rebuild our own roads because we pissed away too much money blowing everyone else’s up.

The Nevada dummy’s goons are grilling motorists at checkpoints, Louisiana wants to jail panhandlers and hitchhikers, and Ralph Nader has crawled out from under his rock. (If he sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of racist dummies, botched executions and potholes.)

Thank God for deadlines. This is what I came up with based on a casual glance around between paying chores. Imagine what I could’ve laid on you if I were free-range today.



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27 Responses to “Dumb, dumber and dumbest”

  1. Charley Says:

    Wow, nice summary! I could not be more in agreement with you.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’m cranky today. Had to blast out an overdue column, it was too bloody windy for a planned video shoot (or any healthful outdoor exercise), the green chile sauce turned out mild, the grocery didn’t have any Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra, and I’m gobbling Claritin-D 12-Hour like M&Ms. Gnash, rant, rave, roar.

      • mountainhigh10200 Says:

        This wind has been something. My gas grill got blown over and across the deck. It was not a small grill.

  2. Libby Says:

    You did good!
    P.S. Holy crap there is more than I even knew about. Thanks, I guess.

  3. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Tried to move a chair with my little toe two days ago. I ended up on the floor; the chair didn’t move. So, even with great weather, been sitting on my ass. I’m not a happy camper.

    Look likes Reid has some work to do in his home state. Two bad Elwood and Jake can’t blow through that checkpoint in an old cop car.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Did you cuss like a sailor while hopping up and down on the good foot? I find this speeds the healing process.

      Yup, Reid needs to get busy for reals. The Lord has assigned him a mission.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        It’s slowly getting better. Couldn’t get a shoe on first two days. It’s a lovely shade of blue, black, purple, and a little yellow. But, the toe is where it is supposed to be, and I can move everything, so I did not go to doctor. No hopping, just rolling around on the floor while all sailors everywhere covered their ears.

      • mountainhigh10200 Says:

        Knowing that line got me a free three day bender when I went back to Germany after the ’95 Worlds. These Germans were so enamored of certain American things. It was funny because in general when you talk to them about how we do things over here the commentary runs along the lines of: Yeah you guys are idiots. I was sitting in a bar with my back to a poster with those lines on it, They dared me to quote it verbatim, I did and spent the next three days being dragged around Freiburg. I My college days pay off. I think I missed most of the architecture on the tour though as I payed not a dime to play who can buy a drink the silly American won’t try. I will never forget seeing thousands of bicycles locked to beautiful wrought iron fences at the University, literally stacked two or three on top of one another. I asked one of my “tour guides” how one would get their bike out if it was on the bottom of the stacks. She looked at her watch and said “wait six minutes.” Five minutes later some kind of party thing at the school ends and thousands of drunk Germans leave the school at the same time. They all get their bikes at the same time. There is now a rolling mob of happy capable riders on all kinds of bikes merrily rolling through the streets to find the next stop on the party tour. I wish I had a bicycle at that moment more than ever in my life.
        Although that was only the first night of my tour. I did appreciate how precise the timing was. Gretchen KNEW that the doors were going to open five minutes after I asked the question. Precision fun. This is why I love their cars and motorcycles. If they could just get the Japanese to wire the things.

  4. weaksides Says:

    Well in good news, the ortho told me last Monday I could put full weight on my left leg; so I’m walking. Then last Friday the spine doc freed me from the torso brace and told me I could do whatever I wanted to do- including ride a bike. So I rode around the neighborhood for a good 30-45 minutes Saturday afternoon and even commuted to work Monday in my return to something called normalcy.

    Just don’t get me started on the insurance company though.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Good news indeed, sir. Did it creep you out a little bit, getting back on the bike after being “known from the rear?” I always have a nervous getting-reacquainted period after a bad crash.

      And year, insurance companies. Good God. We have to go to war with one of ours every time one of us visits the dentist for a routine cleaning.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Good for you weaksides. I assume some new 500 watt, visible from space, blinky lights are now on the bike. Stay safe and complete the recovery.

    • Libby Says:

      Good to hear your recovery is coming along!

      • weaksides Says:

        Thanks all for the kind words everyone.

        Patrick, the first car to pass me came a lot quicker than I expected, and it did sketch me a little. But I adjusted well enough and so far, I’m still kickin. Perhaps I should have complained more about the guy from my lawyer rather than the insurance company; because in discussions about a check for my bike he’s lately seemed more like he’s working for THEM rather than working for ME. I’ve got to call him back this afternoon. It likely won’t be pretty.

        Pat, no new lights yet, but I do intend to get some better ones for sure.

  5. Steve O Says:

    For how long do you think CPP had been saving that “long lost Moody Blues” album line?
    I’m still cracking up over it.

  6. Larry T. Says:

    Great news from Weaksides!!! Do you have some good-guy like Pelkey working on the insurance issue?
    As to ol’ Ralph, if our choice in 2016 is Hillary or someone with a first name that would look great on the old Batman TV show – “Rand! Newt! Jeb! Mitt!” a third-party candidate might get my vote. The rest of the racist pricks? You know what my wife says….
    On the other hand, we leave for Italy in just a week 🙂

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’ve gone the third-party route a number of times, hoping for entertainment value, if nothing else. The same turds keep floating to the top of the political bowl, though.

      Italy. Damn. Is it anything like Bibleburg? Snow here last night, just a dusting. And “Italian food” is spelled “Olive Garden.”

      • Larry T. Says:

        Seems more folks in the USA (me included) label themselves as independent rather than donkeys or elephants. If that’s not indicative of a need for a real third-party, just look how well our current government is functioning. Meanwhile, the government in Italy works pretty much the same, but despite this Italians eat and drink a lot better while putting on a heck of a bike race every June.
        Don’t get me started on Olive Garden..or any of the other corporate “edible feces” outlets that are confused with restaurants on this side of the pond!

    • khal spencer Says:

      JFC. One throws away a vote on a 3rd party candidate when it doesn’t matter. My wife also has something to say: Florida, November, 2000.

      • Larry T. Says:

        I know what you mean but I’m getting damn tired of voting for the “least bad candidate” which I’ve been forced to do except for 2008. Sadly, the guy I voted for then became the “least bad” in 2012…and a 2016 choice between Hillary or Rand, Jeb, Mitt, etc. seems like another one. The “hold your nose and vote” idea doesn’t say much for democracy.

      • khal spencer Says:

        Word, Larry.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        A vote is never thrown away. It counts. I will not vote for a legislative incumbent or a major party candidate, hand picked by the 1%, from now on. I have had it. I might be pissing into the wind, but it makes me feel better.

  7. bromasi Says:

    I’m not leaving the house,just me and JB.

  8. Ira Says:

    Congratulations on your first ride back Weaksides. I’m like OG, shaky as hell for the first few rides after a crash. But memory is short (and getting shorter every year), and before you know it you’re riding like it never happened.

    As for capital punishment, I can’t say I’ve ever understood it. If you want to punish someone, keep ’em alive, just ask my ex-wife. The death penalty is more about revenge than punishment, don’t you think? But then again, I’m from the Great White Socialist North, we have some different thinking up here (not saying better, just different).

  9. khal spencer Says:

    Fuckin’ A, Patrick. Did Vadimir Putin send these guys to Nevada after they were finished in Crimea? This shit is scary. I’m with you guys on needing a Jake and Elwood Show out there. So where are the Feds? Or for that matter, the State Police?

    I hope Barry isn’t too chickenshit to send some Federal marshals out there to tell these goons to get out of the way. Vigilantism has its limits. You stand up to these bullies or they start thinking more of themselves than they have a right to think.

    As far as Sterling? If I were that hottie hanging out with him, I’d have my head examined. Being a groupie for an old rich guy has to have its limits. How much is one willing to tolerate for all those dead presidents?

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      I guess $2.5 million in cars, houses, and cash buys a lot of tolerance. I guess she was shooting for $3 mil even.

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