Interbike 2016: Arizona’s not here, man

Arizona cordially invites you to piss off.

Arizona cordially invites you to piss off.

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. (MDM) — Arizona wasn’t very welcoming when I arrived, as you can see. And I’m a reg’lar white guy and everything.

That Sheriff Joe gets meaner every day, seems like. Maybe if someone got a hammerlock on that racist assclown and brought the legal bills down to a manageable level the state wouldn’t have to sell Geico the naming rights to its roadside shitters.

Vato's got a ticket to ride. Orrrrale.

The drive from Duke City to Flag’ was uneventful. I caught a glimpse of a few garishly attired cyclists enjoying the Tour de Acoma before I left New Mexico behind, and once I rolled into range KNAU-FM began telling me every few minutes that if only I’d give them some money right now they wouldn’t have to annoy me later.

Sorry, fellas, but Herself and I already underwrite two NPR affiliates. Have you tried Geico?

Meanwhile, the grub at Beaver Street Brewery is still tasty, though the clientele seems even more grizzled than last year (unlike Your Humble Narrator, of course).

This may explain the background music, which could’ve been pulled straight from my iPod: “Cross-eyed Mary,” Jethro Tull; “Rock and Roll,” Led Zeppelin; and “Night Moves,” from Bob Seger, who inspired this morning’s headline. What my man Charles Pelkey derides as “old man’s music.”

I should’ve washed that geezer playlist down with a little Olympia and maybe some blotter acid. But as I no longer partake of the adult beverages, I sampled a Sioux City Prickly Pear instead, and I can recommend it as a tasty alternative to the usual popskull.

• Question of the Day: Are those signs with the glyph of a bicycle and the legend “USE SHOULDER ONLY” really necessary along Interstate 40? Any of you feel the urge to throw a leg over the old two-wheeler and go mano-a-mano with a speeding Peterbilt in the traffic lane? Maybe we could ax that particular educational initiative and spend the savings on public restrooms and/or radio.

 

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7 Responses to “Interbike 2016: Arizona’s not here, man”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Soft Drink? Bro, we need to have a talk. Drinking in moderation, unless in Sin City, is good for you. In Sin City one needs to drink to excess. Sugar bad, alcohol good. Bloomberg is right. Guiliani, well, he has lost his mind. Why? Too much sugar is why. Asshole was mainlining 24 ounce big gulps.

    Yea, the state government in good old arizony says no new taxes even if we have to shut the sumbitch down. Just shift all the cuts to counties and cities and let the local politicians take all the heat while we get re-elected. Repugs in their finest hour. If it wasn’t for volunteers, half the state parks would be closed too. Except for the ones that make a profit. You know, like private prisons.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’m trying for the record, Pat. How long has an Irishman been able to remain sober? I don’t seem to be able to find the category in Guinness.

      New Mexico just flat down shut most of its rest areas, last I looked, though the one near Acoma seemed to be running again when I blazed past. Colorado was doing the same not long ago.

      When I was a sprout with the wanderlust and a pickup with a camper shell I depended on rest areas, which were even cheaper than no-tell mo-tels, if you didn’t mind sleeping with one eye open and a .357 close at hand.

  2. khal spencer Says:

    Good post, Patrick. Nice way to end the day. I hope to get out of this foot torture device this week. Of course, at the end of the month the shoulder gets chopped up. God’s Wounds!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      ¡Hijo, madre, hombre! You trying to save ObamaCare all by yourself? Better watch out, Meena is either gonna have you put down or trade you in on a newer model.

      At least you’ll be able to limp into the shoulder op’ under your own power, hey? Here’s hoping you’re back in bizniz in time to enjoy some of the fall weather.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Leaping horny toads Khal! I don’t know about you, but I really have a hard time being a good patient. I am dealing with a eye teaming problem and cataract that’s driving me crazier. Plus I have months worth of Brock string training to deal with that bores the shit out of me. I hope you heal up quick and get back out on the Beemer and LHT.

  3. Larry T Says:

    Sioux City what? I live in the damn town and have never heard of this stuff! Probably like “Arizona Iced Tea” which I doubt has any connection with that gawdforsaken state? I feel sorry for Irish and any others who can’t enjoy adult beverages without overdoing ’em to the point of drunkenness…but to each his own – though I usually want to sit by them at mealtimes!
    I climb aboard a Southwest Airlines 737 on Wednesday afternoon to jet off to Sin City – so safe travels and I look forward to seeing you there.

  4. md anderson Says:

    Both our kids live in Flagstaff. The youngest (the girl) graduated from NAU this past May and is looking for work and applying to naturopathic medical programs. She might end up at one in Canada and looks to me like her timing is perfect.

    The eldest (the boy) took a non-traditional route and after realizing that being a hobby auto mechanic is way different than being a grunt mechanic at the local dealership found different work and is now starting college, at 26 YO.

    So we’ve spent a lot of time in Flag the past 4-5 years. It’s a nice place if you can get around by bike rather than driving, and they make it fairly easy to do that.

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