Interbike 2016: Hold the phone

Vegas, baby. What happens here stays here, until they tear it down and build some other here here.

Vegas, baby. What happens here stays here, until they tear it down and build some other here here.

LAS VEGAS, Nev. (MDM) — Whenever I see an exterminator’s van in Las Vegas the temptation is to shout, “You’re targeting the wrong species!”

Maybe it’s because I don’t get out much, but still, damn.

Vato's got a ticket to ride. Orrrrale.

As I lurched in first gear over to the Mandalay Bay-Luxor casinoplex to set up the Mad Dog Media Interbike Hindquarters (the headquarters is someone else’s problem), I heard someone yell, “Pull up more, bitch!”

A fellow motorist one lane over had carelessly left a few feet of empty space between her vehicle and the one in front, and the gentleman behind appeared to be in something of a rush. Probably shouldn’t have been piloting a shitbox sedan on Tropicana come noontime, then, it being more of a parking lot than a thoroughfare. Bring your flying car next time, Ace.

Show credentials safely in hand after no wait at all, I dropped by Starbucks for a $5 cup of the black and was startled to see a well-dressed gent conversing at some volume with a person who was not there.

Silly me. I always forget that Very Important People use Bluetooth to chat up their invisible friends when they’re not busy hollering at other motorists.

Checking into the Luxor took a bit longer, that line being about like the one on Tropicana, only with less honking. Once upon a time people standing in queues used to speak to one another, mostly small talk like, “Standing in queues sucks, huh?” Now they all clutch the handles of their rolling suitcases like sword hilts and stare at their devices as though they were grails. Today’s champ: a guy herding three rolling suitcases while working a full-size laptop. Mad skillz, yo.

I cranked up the Fitness app on the old iPod for all of this wandering about and discovered that I’d walked 3.3 miles, burning 383 calories. Naturally I felt compelled to balance that ledger with a platter of fish and chips at Rí Rá, enjoyed while watching footy, a pastime which I understand not at all (Chelsea spanked Leicester City, 4-2).

Industry titans seen so far: Ray Keener, Chris Zigmont, Brian “Quadzilla” Sidwell and David Thom. Only Ray was too busy for a chat, and that’s because he’s Ray Fuckin’ Keener. OK, so he was on the phone. A proper phone, without the Bluetooth, so you could tell he was on the fuckin’ phone.

• Observation of the Day: When did every hotel chain in America start serving what they allege is “breakfast?” They only feed you this horrible crap because they know what you’re doing up there in their rooms, you nasty little people, and they hope you die.

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6 Responses to “Interbike 2016: Hold the phone”

  1. JD Dallager Says:

    Wow, PO’G. Good to see the laid-back, small town atmosphere of Sin City has already elevated your heart rate, cholesterol, stress levels, and prosaic prose word counts! 🙂 All while lowering your expendable/discretionary cash, faith in homo sapiens (the last word has something to do with presumed wisdom I believe), and confidence in humankind’s self-appointed top step on the common-sense podium.

    Here’s a thought: During Interbike, all visitors to LSV would park their internal combustion vehicles and ride some sort of human-powered mode of transportation. Think of the money to be made on bike rentals, ibuprofen, ambulance services, PT visits, chiropractor fees; not to mention the reduced costs to society (from a strategic viewpoint) from longterm healthcare costs, increased sociability of folks like Ace, etc.

    Keep the faith while there…..stay true to your values……..love your reports from “on the road”!

  2. debby511 Says:

    Keep your sense of humor and enjoy the trip as much as you can. I loved that breakfast observation. That literally made me laugh out loud!

    People have their heads buried in their smartphones everywhere I go. I don’t know what the fascination is. Free pron? I don’t think so.

  3. psobrien Says:

    That is some funny shit, but you are obviously stressin’ bro. You need to move to BZB if Herself can find gainful employment there. Since you telecommute, no worries for you. Found you a place in Warren, just a short ride to the Bicycle Brothel. Meet you there for some coffee. I think we have been down this road before. Last Interbike maybe?

    http://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Bisbee-AZ/pmf,pf_pt/7387237_zpid/23716_rid/globalrelevanceex_sort/31.4184,-109.867927,31.402577,-109.890994_rect/15_zm/

  4. Pat O'Brien Says:

    If you want to feel better though, watch Warren rip Stumpf a new asshole. There is a one percenter seriously thinking about invoking the 5th.

  5. Libby Says:

    My blood pressure rose just reading this account! I checked out the website of the Irish pub. I see they have Bewley’s tea on the menu. Reminds me of my visit to a Bewley’s tea shop in Dublin on my only trip there. Here’s hoping you have some wonderful moments and encounters at InterBike.

  6. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Woke up this AM to find SWA has delayed my flight to Sin City by 2 hours. At least I wasn’t already down on Omaha, NE but I’ll miss the extra couple of hours of sleep I could have enjoyed. But at least I can now make myself a porchetta sandwich for the flight!

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