The levers of power

Don't just do something, sit there. After you've voted, of course.

Don’t just do something, sit there. After you’ve voted, of course.

The big day has finally come.

Here in the Land of Entrapment 40.7 percent of registered voters cast their ballots early, for good or ill. Elsewhere, The Hilldebeast has already claimed victory over Insane Clown Pussy (4-2, in Dixville Notch, N.H.)

Now we wait for the returns to come trickling in from everywhere else.

I got my Bill Hicks on last night as a sort of tuneup, the way you might have a couple pops before the party gets started, and he dropped a name I wish I’d heard earlier in the campaign — “Beelzebozo.”

Bill was referring to himself, having just paused in the midst of an epically filthy tirade to announce that he was “available for children’s parties.” But it seems better suited to the GOP’s standard-bearer, a truly evil clown, and I regret stumbling across it so late in the game.

I voted early, and for The Hilldebeast, and all y’all should be well aware by now that I was not excited about it. This was my 12th election, and in all those outings I have only voted for two candidates — George McGovern and Barack Obama. In all those other elections I was voting against someone, as is the case this time around.

Over the long, long years I have pulled the lever for Democrats, socialists, independents and libertarians, but never for a Republican, and this was not the year for experimentation along those lines. This was another delaying action, what Steve Earle called “getting into gear for four more years/of things not getting worse.” Or so we hope, anyway.

For those of who who have the liberty to follow the election news throughout the next two days, both The New York Times and The Washington Post have pulled down their digital firewalls and you may browse their sites to your hearts’ content. Keep one eye aimed squarely down-ballot. It would be useful to reclaim majorities in the House and Senate; a dozen governors’ gigs are likewise up for grabs, as are a right shitload of seats in state legislatures, on school boards, you name it.

To paraphrase Pat Frank, the battle for America is being lost in counties like Bernalillo. Remember that while the barking carny up front holds your attention, his minions are working the rubes, lifting wallets.

Me, I’ll be spending a fair amount of time bringing the snark on Twitter. But check back here for the occasional pithy observation if you’re so inclined.

• 9:30 a.m. — Kevin Drum at Mother Jones weighs in with his predictions: “So my final guess is: Hillary Clinton wins by 4.7 percent in the popular vote; the Senate ends up 51-49 Democratic; and the House ends up 235-200 Republican.”

• 11:55 a.m. — Agent Orange is already suing people, beginning with the registrar of Clark County, Nevada, over something the registrar is required by law to do (leave voting stations open for all those who were in line when the station was scheduled to close). A Nevada judge gives this the hee, and also the haw.

• 12:05 p.m. — The Atlantic is live-blogging today’s election.

Sam and I horsing around in the hills north of El Rancho Pendejo. It was a little late in the day and the lighting left a little something to be desired.

Sam and I horsing around in the hills north of El Rancho Pendejo. It was a little late in the day and the lighting left a little something to be desired.

• 4:15 p.m. — Took five to shoot a little video of the Sam Hillborne. OK, so it was more than five. More like 90. It was a beautiful afternoon and I don’t regret a single solitary second of it.

• 4:25 p.m. — Voting is said to be going smoothly in the Duke City and its environs. My favorite quote so far comes from registered nurse Nanette Vela, who told the Albuquerque Journal: “Hillary was not my first choice, but voting for Trump would be like voting for myself, because I don’t completely understand how government works, either.”

• 4:35 p.m. — Insane Clown Pussy has regained control of his Twitter account. We can only hope that this is akin to seizing the wheel of a pirate ship shot full of holes and taking on water fast.

• 4:52 p.m. — Funny you should mention it: Kellyanne Conway is already sniveling that ICP didn’t have the full support of his party, merely because he was stark raving mad. I’m sure her résumé is already making the rounds.

• 5:28 p.m. — Live chat from The New York Times.

• 6:04 p.m. — Clinton takes my birth state, Maryland. That my brother-in-law left the state for a job in Florida may have been pivotal. Now we’ll have to see what that does to the tally in Florida.

• 6:15 p.m. — Marco Polo Rubio wins re-election to the job he dislikes so much. Don’t expect him to keep it long. 2020 is just around the corner.


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25 Responses to “The levers of power”

  1. debby511 Says:

    A story on NPR last weekend said that the New Mexico results have correctly predicted the presidential outcome 24 times out of the last 26 years (and one of those was 2000, so really 25 times out of 26).

    It will be interesting to see if that holds true again this year. Which way are New Mexicans leaning?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Debby, I think we’re very much a swing state, but leaning blue. Agent Orange and his sidekick made several visits here, hoping to tap into the casual-racism, high-unemployment angst and despair.

      The poll workers I spoke with said turnout has been huge, for what that’s worth.

      Something else to consider: The candidate with the most street signs seems to be Gary Johnson. Who’s he taking votes away from, The Hilldebeast or AO?

  2. John O Says:

    I’m skipping work and just going to church to pray all day

  3. Pat O'Brien Says:

    We have arranged for our escape pod in case the little dick bug fucker wins. It is an apartment above the new gelato shop in Bisbee. That asshole would never show up in Bisbee. The residents would never let him in or pass the most basic Secret Service vetting. Besides, it is close to the Mexican border, couple of miles, so we could escape to Aqua Prieta if things really go to hell. Just need to step across the border before they put the last brick in the wall.

  4. Larry T Says:

    Even if we’re lucky enough to dodge the greasy orange turd as he splashes into the bowl, we’ve already got some on us. My hope is that his supporters are insufficient in number to get him into the White House and they slowly become extinct, replaced by immigrants like those described on that statue the French gave us.
    If Drumpf wins will he demand something like “No losers, Muslims or Mexicans need apply” be added to the inscription on the Statue of Liberty?

  5. Hurben Says:

    I don’t know how to upload an image here, but if you click this link & scroll down to the 6th row of front pages, right hand one is the front page of today’s New Zealand Herald.

  6. Stan Thomas Says:

    On British TV, Michael Moore just gave a remarkably postitive and upbeat assesment of the prospects for President Hillary. Of course, he might have been talking her up for polling day but most of his audience don’t get to vote in this election. Fingers crossed then that Hillary will be remembered as a fine and progressive president.

  7. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Still some scary shit going on. Hatred of the beltway bandits and Billiary runs deep. Maybe Ryan and the turtle will get what they deserve.

  8. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Douglas, Arizona, population approximately 17,000, had one polling place open and ran out of ballots with 300 people in line.

  9. B Lester Says:

    I am a patriot, and I love my country. We all know hate and ignorance are wrong, but are we about to validate hate and ignorance? I am so ashamed….

  10. larry brown Says:

    it’s 10:51 pm here in Call.SHIT! were’s my passport, I’m outta here.

  11. Hurben Says:

    I have no words…

  12. Libby Says:

    In Italy, tv and press are looking for Larry’s wife to explain the election to them. You know what Larry’s wife says…

  13. Grumbly OldGuy on a bike Says:

    Riding home fromt the bikeshop tonite at 8pm, the streets were deserted. Almost no cars out and about. The only illumination was the blueish glow of tvs in every home.

  14. Mike Frye Says:

    I have said this before, there was at least 2000 other people that I would have voted for that are good, decent, honest people that are Democrats, unfortunately Hillary Clinton was not on that list.

  15. Steve O Says:

    Dear American News Outlets,

    You broke it, you bought it.

  16. Ira Says:

    My condolences to my southern neighbours. You hear that? It’s the entire planet going “What the f…”.

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