Last Roundup in Sin City: Luxor-ious

The golden idol of Mandalay Bay stands watch over the empty pools of the Luxor.

LAS VEGAS (MDM) — A long march through the desert that ends at the Luxor is exactly backwards. Moses fled the pyramid-builders for many sound reasons, and I expect the accommodations were high on his shit list.

Everything in the joint is old, faded and noisy. Like me, only more expensive.

Granted, it was early Tuesday afternoon when I slouched in, but there wasn’t much of a crowd. Nevertheless, checking in involved the usual fraud, bunkum and clusterfuckery, because this is the Luxor, and the room is ridiculous because likewise.

Vegas does not want you bunkering up in its hotel rooms committing journalism. It wants you out in the open, where it can get a clear shot at you. Thus there is no desk for the serious scribe, or even an unserious one, just a tiny, battered circular table with two stained, scarred “plush” chairs that are too soft and low for the comfortable generation of fake news.

There is, however, a phone next to the toilet. One never knows when the urge to conduct an ambush interview may arise.

“What the hell are those sounds, O’Grady? Do you have a Berkshire hog in the room with you again?”

There is a TV the size of a billboard because of course there is, and I turned it on once to see if there really was a Fireplace Channel (there was). No coffeemaker, of course, because there are a thousand Starbucks in the feedlot downstairs.

And no matter, really, because Le Shew Bigge is a mile away from here, in Mandalay Bay. It’s a long march through the clangor of a neon desert, and even at 6 a.m. a Marlboro haze hangs low, like many a throbbing head.

Sheeyit. Moses had it easy.

Next: Le Shew Bigge.

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10 Responses to “Last Roundup in Sin City: Luxor-ious”

  1. Sharon Says:

    I remember staying at the Luxor when it was new and everyone thought it was the second coming. I had lost my mind and was in town to do the Las Vegas Marathon- well really I did the 1/2 marathon, but still lost my mind. Never again though to Vegas or running endless miles. I just don’t get people willing to throw away hard-earned money – it’s ridiculous. I’m always amazed at the number of people that say, “I love going to Vegas, I always win.” Really, sure you do.
    Have fun at the show…I’m sure there will be lots of new ways to spend money on a bike coming out soon.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Gawd willin’ an’ the crick don’t rise, this will be my last visit to Vegas. I’ve talked to a few people who aren’t overjoyed at the idea of Reno as a replacement, but nobody who wants to stay here.

      Meanwhile, prepare yourself for the Era of the E-Bikes. I for one welcome our new electric overlords.

  2. ryansubike Says:

    Nothing says decay like an empty pool – sad

  3. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Patrick, I am beginning to think your muse resides in Sin City or maybe Kingman. That was some funny stuff!

    As long as they can keep moving their water inlet pipes down at Lake Mead, they will keep Vegas pools filled and fountains running.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, Pat. I don’t think Sin City will miss our little circus. As I learned on the way in, and as you probably already know, the powers that be are fixin’ to link Vegas and Phoenix via the Interstate 11 project. Good times. Maybe not.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        There is more profit in weapons and war than infrastructure. More votes in building new shit than maintaining what we already have. New shit is sexy. Fixing old shit is boring. Just watched episode 4 of “The Vietnam War.” I am not feeling optimistic tonight.

  4. khal spencer Says:

    You need to do an updated version of the Invisible Cyclist story. See if you can find that janitor with the gimme cap, cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and hottie housekeeper riding sidesaddle on the top tube of the Huffy. I’m not kidding, either.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      K, I don’t get that same contact with the local working folks that I did when the show was still at the Sands, and I spent the first 20 minutes of every morning walking to the show from the Fairfield on Paradise.

      Since the show shifted to Mandalay Bay it’s an all-indoor affair, trudging from one casino to another via a short shopping mall. Fairly screams “bicycle-friendly,” doesn’t it?

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