The deer hunter

Our new lawn-mowing service.

This little guy materialized in the back yard last evening as Herself and I were enjoying a refreshing beverage on the patio and giving the cats a good airing. Never even saw him hop The Wall.

But Bambi appeared instantly on the radar of Field Marshal Turkish von Turkenstein (commander, 1st Feline Home Defense Force).

His aide-de-camp, Miss Mia Sopaipilla, has always worn a harness when she goes outdoors, and as the interloper arrived she was quartered on the southeast side of the compound, tucked away in the shady remains of the irises, near a favorite scratching stump.

But El Turko was free-ranging it to the northeast, inspecting the perimeter, and he froze, watching the interloper nosh on his lawn, as he had been doing himself just a few moments earlier.

It was something of a moment. We didn’t want to extract His Excellency and risk disturbing the deer at his dinner, the pickings being slim in the foothills. But we didn’t want El Turko to choose the better part of valor, leap The Wall, and beat a strategic retreat to Placitas, either. Until this evening he had only monitored trespassing deer through the stout double-pane windows of the ultra-secure Turkenbunker.

Then abruptly the dilemma resolved itself. The deer turned his back on the Turk — which is almost always a bad idea, as we have learned through bitter and painful experience — and the old soldier charged into battle.

“Santiago!” he may have screamed, but probably not.

Bambi bolted for The Wall, but a heartbeat too late. El Turko gave him a good swat before he cleared it.

Afterward I saw to it that the field marshal had an extra helping of Feline Greenies with the usual spartan rations he permits himself in order to stay in fighting trim. The best defense is a strong offense.

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17 Responses to “The deer hunter”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Turk is an ambitious cat. He must have been a cougar in his past life.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      He’s prettty spry for an old fella. But I gotta admit, I did not see it coming. If I’d been betting money on his first move, I’d have put everything on “strategic retreat.”

  2. JD Dallager Says:

    We had a yearling buck in the velvet decide our yard here in Black Forest, CO was just what he needed to relax in while the temps were at record highs a few days ago. Good looking’ guy and very comfortable around humans…..hope that doesn’t bode ill for him in the long run.

    What….no Achievement Medal for the Turk? Proving once again a hastily executed average plan is better than the perfectly planned op that’s never executed.

  3. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Did The Turk puff out his chest and swagger a bit? Our guard cat, after a year long hiatus from visiting the deck, ran out in under two seconds and WHAM! a chipmunk that was teasing him was no more. Now 10 years old and slowing way down, he amazed us with this sudden explosion. And he did come back in and swagger and trumpet too. I don’t think he would take on a deer however. Turk is badass.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      The O’Grady family felines are batting .500 against the deer. Our beloved Chairman Meow, once the First Feline and Lord Protector of Chez Dog, took on a deer at our place outside Weirdcliffe and got driven right back up on the deck.

      It was a rare strategic error by the Great Helmscat, who boldly chose a frontal assault. The field marshal, as noted above, went for a flanking maneuver.

  4. Libby Says:

    Deer: what’s that!!! Let us know if he returns. The deer will continue to be hungry but will he try again?

  5. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Did see wild turkeys in the yard panting. Yes panting as the heat index pushed to 106. In Michigan! If these aren’t record highs the next two days I’ll be amazed. Yet, I have a good friend that denies we have global warming. Maybe he’ll believe it when all the fish in his lake float to,the surface.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Jaysis. Are those turkeys cooked yet? What you need is a mess of spuds, stuffing and cranberry sauce.

      We’ve had a couple cloudy days, which is nice. That big yellow ball hissing at us all the time was getting monotonous. Still no rain, though, and it looks like the entire state of Colorado is on fire.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        And look at the level of Lake Meade. On second thought, don’t look. It is depressing. But no one will care in Arizona, until they stop watering the golf courses.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        “We must preserve the golfs for future generations! Save the Golfs®!”

        Actually, preservation may not be an issue. If the present situation persists I expect there will be no shortage of brown people who are willing to beat on white balls with sticks.

        • Pat O'Brien Says:

          See, that’s why you get the big money. That is some funny shit right there!

          In the mean time, I bought a Terry Fly Ti saddle for the Soma ES. Put it on this afternoon. Spending $160 for a saddle just feels like wrong these days. We do live in a strange time. At least my toilet seat isn’t gold plated.

  6. Esteban O’ Says:

    Good fences make good neighbors, someone once said. If you’d stop paying these undocumented interlopers in under the table foliage, they’d stop inflicting their culture on us. I want to see 28% of your leaves and stalks going into a confirmed social security account or I’m calling ICE: Interloping Critter Evaluators.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I wish they’d eat the windfall apples under the backyard tree. We have a metric shit-ton of those things on the deck this year. The squirrels and birds have a nip and say nope.

  7. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Warm here in Italy now too. We’re still kind of recovering from a very busy weekend

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Jeez Louise, you did have a busy weekend. Well done indeed.

      So, you don’t think any of the modern Chinese plastic-fantastics will become cherished family heirlooms and trotted out for vintage rides a half-century from now? Me neither.

      • larryatcycleitalia Says:

        I wonder how many of them will even be able to be safely ridden in 50 years? Our friend Celeste Milani uses “Eternal Value” for his steel bikes – something I doubt will ever be said about “Chinese plastic-fantastics” no matter whose name is on the downtube.

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