O, Canada

Houston, we have a problem: Robot brothels.

From our You Can’t Make This Shit Up Department comes this sordid tale of e-hoes (iHoes?) in a town that’s up to its tits in the old-school flesh-and-blood models.

At the root of the problem is Kinky S Dolls, a Canadian outfit that claims to be the first AI sex-doll outfit to offer test drives. Seems our horny neighbor to the north wants to bend Houston over for its initial thrust into the U.S. market.

Hold your whoreses, say local Christians, coppers and politicos.

“This is not the kind of business I would like to see in Houston, and certainly this is not the kind of business the city is seeking to attract,” says Mayor Sylvester Turner.

And the not-for-profit group Elijah Rising has begun a “Keep Robot Brothels Out of Houston” online petition “that as of Monday had more than 12,600 signatures.” according to The Guardian.

But this is Texas, goddamnit, and at least one columnist says the goldurned gummint has no bi’ness telling a fella what to do with his tallywhacker and his android love muffin (the pearl-necklace metaphor seems particularly apt in this instance).

Anyway, just think of the jobs! No, not that kind of job, the other sort, which come to think about it is not that different from the kind you’re thinking of, especially if you’re the one who has to clean up the rent-a-robot between clients. It’s enough to give a fella the blues.

Hit it, Steve:

And they say Texas weather’s always changin’
And one thing change’ll bring is somethin’ new
And Houston really ain’t that bad a town
So you hang around with the Fort Worth blues

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14 Responses to “O, Canada”

  1. Charley Auer Says:

    Patrick, thanks fo rthe tip on Houston, The funniest article I have read in a long time !

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I figured Vegas would have the edge on Houston when it came to robot companionship, but the Teamsters probably said ixnay. Tough to organize the ’droids. Look at all the shit they took from Luke, Leia and Han.

  2. Esteban O’ Says:

    I saw Android Love Muffin open for Minor Threat at the 9:30 Club back in ‘89

  3. Carl Duellman Says:

    “Keep Robot Brothels Out of Houston” would make a great tshirt.

  4. khal spencer Says:

    Wow. This is somewhat reminiscent of 2001 Space Odyssey. Smart AI hookers. “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that…”

  5. Pat O'Brien Says:

    I see you’re getting in on the trademark action there. I can see the sign in O”Grady’s Bar and Grill, “DudeBot – Ladies Don’t Go Home Without One.”

  6. Dale Says:

    What Khal said. I can envision a sleazy TV series to validate the concept.

  7. sherkat Says:

    Once one of them there robot hookers hoochies snaps like a turtle (pardon the FUGS) and snaps off some fat Republican’s talliwhacker like Mr. T demanding more or he’ll tighten his buttcheeks, we’ll see a little less interest in such technology. I think.

  8. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    One would think the Rethuglicans would love the idea! No worries about one of ’em coming after you 3 decades later when you’re up to join the Supreme Court and such. No evil contraception or abortions – what’s not to like?

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