Oh, fudge

Is anyone else having trouble ginning up the requisite hope and enthusiasm for the midterms? Without resorting to actual gin, that is?

Election Day has a bit of a Christmas feel to me, but that’s not necessarily a good thing.

We were far from poor, but our parents had known Depression and war, so while Christmas around our house meant you were going to get something, it wouldn’t necessarily be whatever you wanted.

The folks had already seen plenty of surprises by the time we came around, and they were always on the lookout for the next one. So if we were compelled to endure the occasional Christmas-morning stunner as a consequence — jeans that weren’t Levis, some hardware-store bike instead of a Schwinn, and a dearth of official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifles — well, tough shit, kiddo. Welcome to the real world.

Some days, and especially lately, I feel half Ralphie and half his old man. Ginger bullies by day, flat tires by night. Hopes and dreams clash with doubts and despair, overlaid with a soundtrack in which “fudge” is never heard. There’s only “the word. The Big One. The queen mother of dirty words. The f-dash-dash-dash word.”

So, yeah. Go ahead and wish. Pit those hopes and dreams against doubts and despair. Get out and vote, unless you’re a Trumpetista, in which case you should stay home and shoot your eye out.

But keep a bar of soap handy in case you need to wash the fudge out of your mouth come Wednesday morning.

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24 Responses to “Oh, fudge”

  1. Libby Says:

    FRA GEE LAY! It must be Italian!
    It’s indescribably beautiful!

    Perhaps some of the ‘beautiful’ predictions will pan out. But, between the lying from those polled, the Put Ins, voter suppression and fraud there will be plenty of dismay, just like Frankie’s mother experienced when seeing the Leg Lamp.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      The Leg Lamp. Truly a thing of beauty.

      Did you ever read Jean Shepherd’s “In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash,” the book behind the movie? He was a radio humorist, encouraged to write by Shel Silverstein. The book was basically a compilation of his radio bits.

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    What worries me most about this election is the dumpster not accepting the results. They are already hard at work, and have been for years, destroying the free press, constitution, justice department, and election credibility. If the young folks don’t turn out in numbers to vote, then, well, I’ve got a bad feeling about this one. This might be the song we’re singing on Wednesday.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      O, to be sure. If Il Douche loses either the House or Senate, or both, he will blame everyone save himself, as per usual.

      There will be a shooting war between the Congress and the Justice Department (headed by Joe Arpaio). Pundits from left and right will fight duels in the streets.

      And about 30 seconds after the polls close everyone and his/her granny will be running for president.

      Good times. Maybe not.

  3. Sharon Says:

    Beto for Texas! And even if he isn’t able to pull it off, he is sending a clear message things are changing around here…For what it’s worth.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      He’s making ol’ Texas Ted, the Gucci Shitkicker, sweat for it. So good on ’im.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        I hope Beto whups that pompous blowhard. Talk about no honor, that guy has none. Dumpster treated him like a door mat, and now all hat, no cattle Teddy kisses his ass with the best of them.

        • David Rees Says:

          Mr. Pierce calls the Tailngunner, and oh so appropriately, The Human Oil Slick, and he will unfortunately trounce Beto next week. But, no matter, I think this is Mr. O’Rourke setting his sights on a 2020 Prez run. Might just be the guy too…

  4. khal spencer Says:

    Spot on for me, too. Worth the editorial page of a decent newspaper. Of course, this site is often far better than the ed pages of the local fish wrappers.

    Nicely done.

  5. gary burnette Says:

    Feelings exactly the same over here, Patrick – I almost dare not hope, fearing the usual criminally-insane switch-ups and chicanery perfected by (dare I say it?) the Grand Old Party and their brainwashed minions… I pronounce now: FEK (not fudge).

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Y’gotta watch the sonsabitches like a hawk. They would steal the pennies off their dead grannies’ eyes and sell rats’ assholes to the blind, claiming they’re diamond rings.

  6. B Lester Says:

    Here in the land of dairy, Scott Walker has been warning of the blue wave for months. Dunna beeleeve it for a minnit!
    The only good news is that Paulie Ryan will no longer be my congressman. The bad news is that his replacement might very well be a slick Republican ambulance chaser from here in downtown Janesville. Gotta love the Iron Stache, but I doubt he’s gonna make it.

  7. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Don the Con slid into the White House because too many found the other candidate not inspiring enough. Now that they know what they caused they owe it to us all to at least show up and throw some sand in the Rethug’s gears this time round. But you know what my wife says….
    Less than 5 days…and counting

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      And the Professor is right, as usual. And as we used to say waiting to leave Nam, 4 days and a wakeup. You could stand on your head and spit wooden nickels that long.

      • larryatcycleitalia Says:

        Yep, just 3 days and a wakeup now…and a real wakeup as our first flight departs at 6 AM(!) to Chicago. From there it’s to JFK and then on to Milan. We’ll drop some stuff off at our Piedmont Cycling Resort for later, enjoy a nice dinner (even better if they have some white truffles!) then the next morning a quick flight down to Sicily.By then we’ll know if any sand has been thrown into the Rethug’s gearbox back here.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

  8. Dale Says:

    In my county Dems outnumber Reps 60 to 40. That doesn’t take into consideration that at least 10% of the Dems vote Rep; and then the Dems turnout is about 10% lower than the Reps. The Reps always seem to be committed to vote the party line no matter who is running.

    Early voting turnout was nearly twice 2016 totals, but I haven’t seen party breakouts yet. I am cautiously optimistic, but expecting to be disappointed.

  9. khal spencer Says:

    As far as Larry’s comment, I was not happy with Billary but I held my nose and voted for her, realizing that Trump would be a train wreck.

    Here in the People’s Republic, we don’t have a Rethug running in the 46th Legislative District so the state Dem party apparatus has been turning is fire on a fellow Democrat.


    Full disclosure, I consider Heather a friend as well as a scientific colleague up at the Bomb Factory, so call me prejudiced. The party machine candidate, Andrea Romero, was recently found to have spent somewhere between fifty and a hundred million dollars unethically while exec. director of the Regional Coalition of LANL Communities. Baseball tickets, booze, etc. But the machine wants people to brush that all aside since she promises to vote as the machine dictates.

    Yeah, another hold yer nose and vote election cycle for me. I’m only slightly less annoyed with the Donks as I am with the Elefinks.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      The two parties, with their moneyed backers and bosses, have spent the last 20 years or more poisoning the well. Damn if they haven’t done a good job of it too. I have many people I know or are related to who watch Fox or MSNBC exclusively. As a result, their minds are locked up (wait for it Patrick) tighter than a gnat’s ass stretched over a rain barrel. I fear the totally partisan folks outnumber the informed and critical thinking voters at the polls. Our only hope is the next generation. Every time I talk to one of them, my first instinct is to apologize.

  10. Sharon Says:

    Hard for moderate/independents to win anymore. The people who bother to vote are often off center either direction. I wish all were informed and would vote. We would have much better representation and less corruption.

  11. Hurben Says:

    I so feel for you people. Pat O’B, as a fellow veteran, (Nam, but Namibia, 3 times), take care Bro

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Good day Hurben from AZ. You wouldn’t want to loan us your Prime Minister for a year or two, would you? She is the kind of leader we need here.
      The Vietnam experience was an important part of my life, but it wasn’t the most important. It only came to mind because Larry was counting down the days before they “get back to the world” as we used to say. I only did one tour, but I was with career guys who had done multiple tours. Most were support soldiers as I was. I was about as far forward, on a fire support base with trips to landing zones, as a support guy could get. So, nobody, including the grunts, called me a REMF.

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