Phoning it in

Is this the weirdest message you’ve ever seen from a telecommunications company or what? Maybe the ghost of my mom is haunting the joint.

With CenturyLink on the fritz throughout the Great American West today — man, someone somewhere must’ve tripped over The Main Cable — I was compelled to rely on my 6-year-old, one-fuggin’-bar, AT&T iPhone 5 for intel.

I had to recharge the sonofabitch about every 45 minutes during the 14-hour outage, and couldn’t get much accomplished even with a full battery, but hey, them’s the breaks. Here’s your laptop, there’s the door, where’s your Starbucks? Verizon was sideways for a while too, which sidelined Herself’s newer iPhone 7 during a grocery run that came up light on a few staples as a consequence.

You might not have heard about CenturyLink shitting the bed, since it mostly affected Flyover Country, and the company sure as hell wasn’t going out of its way to let anyone in on the story, especially its paying customers.

But take it from me, as communications technology goes, a 16 GB iPhone 5 in 2018 is right up there with the smoke signal, semaphore flags, and log drum.

The good news? Blizzard warning.

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12 Responses to “Phoning it in”

  1. Hurben Says:

    Do I need to say that things are cool down here down under, have a great new year ya’ all

  2. Libby Says:

    That’s a scary situation. I wonder what reason will be found for the failure.

    No need to convince me about your phone! I lost my iPhone 5s 16GB this summer. I hadn’t hung on to the phone because it suited me, rather many other financial considerations took precedence. I replaced it with a SE (that turned out to be old tech) I purchased outright which within days? Weeks? became so “obsolete” that it is throttled old tech. I don’t hade a laptop anymore. I added a new iPad as my 1st generation WiFi only mini iPad was not able to handle certain websites anymore but is still usable.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      “The company said the problem involved a ‘network element’ that was affecting services but didn’t provide details.” Classic CenturyLink. We’ve known these folks in various guises — CenturyTel, Qwest, and CenturyLink — and their customer service recalls the queues of the old Soviet Union.

      Oddly, their DSL has been robust, if not exactly speedy. Every now and then we have to reboot the modem, but that’s about it. Which is great, because if you have to actually deal with them to resolve a problem, sooner or later you will be looking for a weapon and a physical address.

      My old wifi iPad Mini has been demoted to a music player in the kitchen, and it can barely handle that simple task. Odd how quickly the newer Apple stuff loses its mojo. My old clickwheel iPod still rocks on, and the 1999 G4 Power Mac and 2000 “Little Al” PowerBook continue to tick along without hiccups.

  3. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    CenturyLink sounds like a real-estate outfit and based on their telephone related services, perhaps they are? They are truly awful! We tried to set up a simple referral scheme when we bailed out of Iowa so someone wouldn’t get the usual “Number disconnected” message but the stooges there were incompetent to say the least! Then it took weeks of back-and-forth via emails to finally get them to stop billing us for nothing!!! Really, really awful but MidAmerican Energy is the reverse so it can’t just be midwestern, flyover country mediocrity. Perhaps MidAmerican will buy the phone company and fix it? Doesn’t Warren Buffet and Co. own MidAmerican?
    Meanwhile, our internet’s out here too but the wife’s cell phone can provide a connection, so we’re good… so far.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      These dudes are all about cashing the check, Larry. They weren’t even answering their dealers’ calls. Forget about the customers.

      It’ll be interesting to see if the FCC investigates and actually, y’know, comes up with something. (Probably dinner and drinks with some bagman, is my guess.)

      The old commie in me thinks the Innertubes should be a public utility rather than a limited capitalist menu or outright monopoly. We have just a couple choices here in ’Burque, both of them bad.

      It’s like, “Would you rather be hanged or shot?” None of the above, please. I’m just trying to blog here, thanks all the same.

      • larryatcycleitalia Says:

        Public Utility? Me too, but good luck with that as long as the Rethugs control most of DeeCee. Meanwhile, plenty of folks are asking about us since the Etna volcanic activity is in the news. We’re just fine, for more go here:
        Kinda funny in a way – in a couple of weeks we’ll be living in Napoli where there’s been some recent action in the Campi Flegrei. Seems Mother Nature is just gawddamn pissed off for some reason. Can we throw Fat Nixon into one of these craters? Maybe that’ll fix it!

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        I meant to ask about that, Larry, but it slipped my mind. Thanks for bringing us up to date.

        I’ve only seen the one annoyed volcano up close and personal — Kilauea, when we visited Hawaii, right after the eruption and just in time for the tsunami — and I gotta say I’d just as soon not have one overlooking the back patio.

        As regards human sacrifice, I’d say Il Douche has to be right at the front of the line if the gods must be appeased. Maybe we can get him and Darth Cheney to hold hands and jump in together.

        • Pat O'Brien Says:

          Those two would just plug the volcanic vent temporarily. Then Etna would develop explosive diarrhea.

          We humans have a love/hate relationship with volcanoes. Love that fertile soil on the slopes, but we are not so keen on pyroclastic flows and lahars. If the Tombstone hills become active again, I’m outta here.

  4. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Gee, we are not dependent on the internet, are we? When Donny Dipshit can’t tweet, we will get some action.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Welp, at least the roof is still on. For now, anyway. Judas Priest, it’s blowin’ and snowin’ out there this morning. I bet the free-rangers down at the corner of Homeless and Hungry aren’t worried about how many bars they can get on their phones this morning.

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