Eat me.
With neither Mexico nor the United States interested in underwriting his dreams of a Wall, President Wally O’Steele has proposed privatizing the project by handing it over to the Girl Scouts of Southwest Texas.
“They’re gonna have to sell something a helluva lot tastier than Thin Mints to make the nut, but that’s how the cookie crumbles, amirite?” slobbered O’Steele, flanked by his alleged wife Melons, wearing a Girl Scout uniform three sizes too small and lobbing condoms and poppers into a mostly empty Luby’s parking lot in McAllen, Texas.
“No Brownies!” he added, digging with a stubby finger at a crust of Adderall clogging one nostril. “Not on this side of my Wall, anyway.”
In other news, Samsung’s new washer/dryer lets you decide when you’d like it to explode.
Tags: Cheeto Benito, Il Douche, Melons, Wally O'Steele
Mad Blog Media 
January 10, 2019 at 3:14 pm |
Racoon man in a silly hat. He must have hit the tanning bed early last night. Staged bullshit.
January 10, 2019 at 3:19 pm |
Giant Toddler Wants What He Wants When He Wants It. Film at 11!
January 10, 2019 at 4:07 pm |
Exploding washing machines and President Trump. We must really be in End Times.
January 10, 2019 at 4:20 pm |
Longtime Friends of the DogS(h)ite may recall that we owned a Samsung washer once. It starred in an episode of Radio Free Dogpatch. Smart that thing was not. Neither were we, for buying it.
January 10, 2019 at 7:42 pm |
Been a while since I listened to that one.
January 11, 2019 at 12:46 am |
Why doesn’t Fat Nixon just pay for his wall up front and let Mexico pay him back later? Or just go ahead already with the phony national emergency and pay for the stupid thing out of the Pentagon’s budget? Of course it’s because he wants to divert attention for the noose slowly tightening around his neck with Robert Mueller at the other end.
I don’t get all this high-tech laundry fantasy – we can buy a brand-new front loading washer here in Italy made by Bosch or Candy (which is the brand in our apartment) for less than $300. The clothes are clean and almost dry when I take ’em out since the thing spins at 1000+ rpm at the end. Even hung to dry inside the apartment the clothes are ready to wear the next day.
January 11, 2019 at 5:51 am |
Plus you can take it apart and use the drum bearings for a bicycle.
January 11, 2019 at 6:04 am |
I’ve been glancing at the coverage from CES 2019 and it leaves me shaking my head. “Smart” everything, a lot of which strikes me as not too smart when the power goes out or the cell towers quit talking to each other.
Remember your George Carlin:
“Advertising sells you things you don’t need and can’t afford that are overpriced and don’t work. And they do it by exploiting your fears and insecurities. And if you don’t have any, they’ll be glad to give you a few by showing you a nice picture of a woman with big tits.”
January 11, 2019 at 6:47 am |
Hey Larry, you might appreciate this. https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/01/steve-king-bigotry-antithesis-of-american-ideals/
January 12, 2019 at 7:38 am |
He’s a piece of work…or something. I’m proud to have been shown the door of his local office after asking his staffer there “To whom would Jesus deny healthcare?” back when King and his ilk were trying to stop the ACA. I’d gone there to ask for sources for the crazy quotes he was making about the dangers of “socialized medicine” and they gave me British tabloid articles with headlines like “Man Pulls Own Teeth!”. The guy is certainly a racist but he’s very clever when it comes to knowing how to manipulate the vast numbers of morons who live in his district. The only urban area there is Sioux City, which just doesn’t have enough smart people to offset the ones my wife always describes. But at least now he’s the only one from Iowa, the other three reps are now Democrats. Next up, perhaps Iowans will replace the “Hogballer” Joni Ernst in 2020?
January 12, 2019 at 1:47 pm |
Even Joni just disavowed Steve King. I suspect even she realizes he is toxic. But like your wife says, Larry…
January 11, 2019 at 7:16 am |
Yea, it’s tough watching a democracy slowly die. Now, excuse me while I watch congress “service the account.” Thanks, George.
January 11, 2019 at 5:10 pm |
I’ve been thinking a lot about border security and have decided I’m all for it. Yup, build a closed dome around Washington and don’t let any of those asshats claiming to represent us in or out. Let’s start over and make Copper Harbor Michigan our nations capitol. That’ll slow things down so we can catch a breather and then easily defect to Canada. But in the meantime the cycling is spectacular up there. And plenty of icy Lake Superior water to cool down any agitators or rabble rousers.
January 11, 2019 at 7:49 pm |
Yep, put a fucking wall on the beltway. But, Copper Harbor for the capitol for the rest of us is just wrong. I’m cold just thinking about it. And I tried swimming in Lake Superior at Ontonagon in the summer time when I camped up there once when I was in high school. Once was enough. I tried cycling this morning at 38 degrees with the fog lifting. When I got 7 miles into the ride, the fog returned. I turned around and went home. I have had all the winter I want for life.
January 12, 2019 at 1:51 pm |
I was up in the Adirondacks for geology field camp durng the spring back in ’75. After a few days of getting tired of living in our own filth, several of us jumped into the snowmelt fed Oswegatchie River to bathe. It was a short bath, to be sure, but we were clean. I think my family jewels retracted into my body cavity for the rest of that trip.
January 12, 2019 at 4:28 pm |
And from deep, deep down South…
January 12, 2019 at 7:37 pm |
Piece of My Heat – one of my most favorite songs of all time. And thanks for not busting me on my cheap shot at Copper Harbor.
January 12, 2019 at 7:47 pm
Piece of My Heart. Sorry Hurben, I thought you were Herb for a second. A great album. Another light snuffed out too soon.
January 12, 2019 at 10:41 pm |
I was into heavy metal mainly but while living at home, this was the only album that had my mother burst through my door demanding what the hell was that noise! I still own that album & love it.