Girl Scouts to pay for Wall?

Eat me.

With neither Mexico nor the United States interested in underwriting his dreams of a Wall, President Wally O’Steele has proposed privatizing the project by handing it over to the Girl Scouts of Southwest Texas.

“They’re gonna have to sell something a helluva lot tastier than Thin Mints to make the nut, but that’s how the cookie crumbles, amirite?” slobbered O’Steele, flanked by his alleged wife Melons, wearing a Girl Scout uniform three sizes too small and lobbing condoms and poppers into a mostly empty Luby’s parking lot in McAllen, Texas.

“No Brownies!” he added, digging with a stubby finger at a crust of Adderall clogging one nostril. “Not on this side of my Wall, anyway.”

In other news, Samsung’s new washer/dryer lets you decide when you’d like it to explode.

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19 Responses to “Girl Scouts to pay for Wall?”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Racoon man in a silly hat. He must have hit the tanning bed early last night. Staged bullshit.

  2. khal spencer Says:

    Exploding washing machines and President Trump. We must really be in End Times.

  3. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Why doesn’t Fat Nixon just pay for his wall up front and let Mexico pay him back later? Or just go ahead already with the phony national emergency and pay for the stupid thing out of the Pentagon’s budget? Of course it’s because he wants to divert attention for the noose slowly tightening around his neck with Robert Mueller at the other end.
    I don’t get all this high-tech laundry fantasy – we can buy a brand-new front loading washer here in Italy made by Bosch or Candy (which is the brand in our apartment) for less than $300. The clothes are clean and almost dry when I take ’em out since the thing spins at 1000+ rpm at the end. Even hung to dry inside the apartment the clothes are ready to wear the next day.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Plus you can take it apart and use the drum bearings for a bicycle.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’ve been glancing at the coverage from CES 2019 and it leaves me shaking my head. “Smart” everything, a lot of which strikes me as not too smart when the power goes out or the cell towers quit talking to each other.

      Remember your George Carlin:

      “Advertising sells you things you don’t need and can’t afford that are overpriced and don’t work. And they do it by exploiting your fears and insecurities. And if you don’t have any, they’ll be glad to give you a few by showing you a nice picture of a woman with big tits.”

    • khal spencer Says:

      Hey Larry, you might appreciate this.

      • larryatcycleitalia Says:

        He’s a piece of work…or something. I’m proud to have been shown the door of his local office after asking his staffer there “To whom would Jesus deny healthcare?” back when King and his ilk were trying to stop the ACA. I’d gone there to ask for sources for the crazy quotes he was making about the dangers of “socialized medicine” and they gave me British tabloid articles with headlines like “Man Pulls Own Teeth!”. The guy is certainly a racist but he’s very clever when it comes to knowing how to manipulate the vast numbers of morons who live in his district. The only urban area there is Sioux City, which just doesn’t have enough smart people to offset the ones my wife always describes. But at least now he’s the only one from Iowa, the other three reps are now Democrats. Next up, perhaps Iowans will replace the “Hogballer” Joni Ernst in 2020?

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Yea, it’s tough watching a democracy slowly die. Now, excuse me while I watch congress “service the account.” Thanks, George.

  4. Herb from Michigan Says:

    I’ve been thinking a lot about border security and have decided I’m all for it. Yup, build a closed dome around Washington and don’t let any of those asshats claiming to represent us in or out. Let’s start over and make Copper Harbor Michigan our nations capitol. That’ll slow things down so we can catch a breather and then easily defect to Canada. But in the meantime the cycling is spectacular up there. And plenty of icy Lake Superior water to cool down any agitators or rabble rousers.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Yep, put a fucking wall on the beltway. But, Copper Harbor for the capitol for the rest of us is just wrong. I’m cold just thinking about it. And I tried swimming in Lake Superior at Ontonagon in the summer time when I camped up there once when I was in high school. Once was enough. I tried cycling this morning at 38 degrees with the fog lifting. When I got 7 miles into the ride, the fog returned. I turned around and went home. I have had all the winter I want for life.

      • khal spencer Says:

        I was up in the Adirondacks for geology field camp durng the spring back in ’75. After a few days of getting tired of living in our own filth, several of us jumped into the snowmelt fed Oswegatchie River to bathe. It was a short bath, to be sure, but we were clean. I think my family jewels retracted into my body cavity for the rest of that trip.

      • Hurben Says:

        And from deep, deep down South…

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