Wilbur Ross, The Man in the $600 Embroidered Slippers, doesn’t understand why federal workers idled and/or unpaid by Darth Cheeto might choose to visit food banks instead of the other sort.
Well, for an appetizer, even idled and/or unpaid federal workers like to eat at least once a day.
For the main course, unlike regular banks, food banks don’t require collateral, charge interest or repo your lunchbox.
And finally, for dessert, idled and/or unpaid federal workers know they won’t have to look at some bogus billionaire wearing $600 embroidered slippers while doing business with the food bank.
Yes, yes, yes, it’s another low-fat, low-interest episode from Radio Free Dogpatch. Bon appétit.
And remember, Wilbur, the Big Dog always eats last.
PLAY RADIO FREE DOGPATCH
• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 mic and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder and edited in Apple’s Garageband on a 2014 MacBook Pro. The background music is “Stay Away,” from www.zapsplat.com. That dog enjoying a meal comes from peridactyloptrix at www.freesound.org. And “Ahoy, polloi,” lifted from “Caddyshack” using Rogue Amoeba’s Audio Hijack.
Tags: Cheeto Benito, federal government shutdown, Radio Free Dogpatch, The Man in the $600 Embroidered Slippers
Mad Blog Media 
January 25, 2019 at 1:23 pm |
Chapeau, Señor.
January 25, 2019 at 1:51 pm |
Gracias, hombre. I see El Wall-o is a no go-oh, as we say south of the border. Pity. We could build one out of all the extra bone in these guys’ heads.
January 25, 2019 at 1:41 pm |
How much you wanna bet Secretary Ross made investments in payday/title loan operations just as the shutdown commenced?
January 25, 2019 at 1:50 pm |
Dude can hear a dollar bill hit a shag carpet three time zones away.
January 25, 2019 at 4:21 pm |
January 25, 2019 at 5:48 pm |
Wow….a three week “timeout” for some possible, but highly unlikely, statespersonship inside the Beltway? Looks like the pollster advisors on both sides got to the principals with their “we all look totally incompetent and like lousy elected officials” advice……and the principals actually listened.
Will be interesting to see if some statepersonship sagacity actually coalesces…….you know…..where the best interests of the country are actually placed before the self-preservation interests of some of the elected “leaders”?
By my count, that gets us through the Super Bowl and Valentines Day. Can America’s need for instant gratification wait that long? Only the Shadow knows for sure. 🙂
January 25, 2019 at 7:57 pm |
Lord, it’s gonna be a long two years. This “administration” is starting to make a Russian novel look like an “Archie” comic book.
January 25, 2019 at 10:00 pm |
But we’re officially past the halfway point. It’s all downhill from here.
Downhill … but with a 60 mph headwind, road full of carpet tacks, more than one rapid dog in front of us.
January 26, 2019 at 6:28 am |
And snipers in the roadside hedges. Does Rapha do body armor?
January 25, 2019 at 8:21 pm |
Good bit Patrick – well done.
January 26, 2019 at 6:27 am |
Thank you, sir. It’s tough to find time for these little sonic colonics. You’d think a marginally employed type such as myself would have more free hours during the day, but noooooooo. …
January 26, 2019 at 1:15 am |
Great stuff as usual! So Fat Nixon caved (for now) but does this all happen again in three weeks? I really think the guy should just declare his phony-baloney emergency and take the loot from the Pentagon budget. Then battle it out in the courts while the rest (well, some) of the government’s essential services continue unhindered and we can get back to impeaching the mofo now that Rudy G. has pretty much admitted to enough criminality to justify it to anyone with an IQ above room temperature. Q-Tip will be terrible, but at least predictable, unlike Fat Nixon.
January 26, 2019 at 6:02 am |
What Larry said. I’m all for letting the war chest budget be tapped. Keeps the Pentagon from buying too many $500 toilet seats. Having the Army Corp of Enginurds mobilize to tackle a big project on US soil might be a useful exercise to prove whether we have any abilities at all to perform military functions beyond shipping cannon fodder to foreign lands. But I’d hold out until it was certain the stupid barriers were made of steel. Can be recycled ya know years from now when hopefully we see how ineffective it is.
January 26, 2019 at 6:40 am |
We will not lack for appalling entertainment. Cheeto Benito can only bear so much “winning” before he does something extravagantly stupid, even for him.
The Donks could overdo this no-Wall® thing, and chortling in the press about him being a loser, a feeb and a short-fingered wanker probably won’t help. I never liked watching dudes dance in the end zone. Get on with the fucking game, please.
Some sort of compromise involving the military might be just the ticket. It could even boost recruitment: Would you rather build The Wall® during the day and eat enchiladas at night, getting to know our neighbors to the south as something other than cantaloupe-calved, drug-dealing rapists, or walk point during a moonless night patrol in Afghanistan?
Use domestic, recyclable steel; sell ads on both side of The Wall®; maybe work a deal with Disney to run a narrow-gauge railroad atop the sonofabitch from end to end, and show first-run blockbusters on built-in IMAX screens in high-traffic locations. “Superman v. Nacho Libre.” That sort of thing.
January 26, 2019 at 6:51 am |
Speaking as a border resident, who can see the fencing, perforated steel planking welded together, on one of my rides, I think that barriers have their place in some areas. And some existing barriers should be replaced or repaired, which is work that is ongoing and has been funded in past appropriations. The border fence behind the Huachuca mountain is 4 strand barb wire in most places with some vehicle barriers on wildcat roads or old jeep trails. That is enough. But in driving or hiking around other areas in Cochise County there are many areas where a barrier, wall, or extensive fencing is entirely wrong. An example would be in the San Pedro River riparian area which goes all the way to the border and beyond. More traffic capacity with better tech would stop most of the drugs coming through port of entry, where the majority of drugs come across the border. Douglas and Nogales are examples. There are Border Patrol agents under every bush here.
January 26, 2019 at 7:03 am |
Ayuh. As they said in the intro to “The Six Million Dollar Man” — remember when $6 mil’ was a ton of money instead of a rounding error? — “We have the technology.”
Shit, if Walgreens can retina-scan you to decide whether you need some Pepsi with your Fritos, the pootbutts in Silicon Valley should be able to gin up a SmartWall® instead of a dumb one.
Speaking of Walls®, here’s an interesting read from Texas Monthly about how differently GOP lawmakers are behaving now that it’s one of their own out to grab up their land.