Presidents Day is a bullshit holiday

Some presidents are more worthy of recognition than others.

When I was a kid we thought the Holy Trinity of American politics comprised George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.

We celebrated Washington’s birthday on Feb. 22, because he was George Fuckin’ Washington, is why. Father of Our Country. Wooden teeth, cannot tell a lie, threw a silver dollar across the Potomac. Try that with today’s bogus fiat currency and see how far it flies.

Lincoln was born in a log cabin he built himself, freed the slaves, and wrote the best speech ever.

And Kennedy boinked Marilyn Monroe. He slipped it to that commie bastard Nikita Khrushchev, too, but only metaphorically speaking. Still, well done indeed.

But it was Washington’s birthday we celebrated, for the aforementioned reason (he was GFW, the OG, our national daddy-o). And I’m still OK with that, debunking of childhood mythologies notwithstanding.

However, I object to the blanket veneration issued to all subsequent holders of the office since the Uniform Holiday Act took effect in 1971, not least because it followed an executive order from the criminal Richard M. Nixon, who just three years later would run like a rat to San Clemency, pardoned by his successor, the execrable Gerald R. Ford.

Here’s the thing: The presidency is a job, and hiring does not confer beatification. We’ve signed up some real lulus for the gig, bozos best consigned to the Dumpster of History, including the bloated scumbag presently squatting in the Oval Office like an orange poison toad.

We’re supposed to stand this guy up alongside Washington? A Father of Douchebags with a wooden head who lies through plastic teeth and couldn’t throw a French fry across a Mickey D’s? And take a day off in his honor?

I think we should all have to work an extra day, and for free, too, for hiring the sonofabitch in the first place.


15 Responses to “Presidents Day is a bullshit holiday”

  1. SAO' Says:

    Yep. It’s just a job, and job where you get hired based on a popularity contest. It’s a skoshe more significant than homecoming king and queen. And those two, at least, generally involved folks who’s performance you’ve actually observed, instead of taking the TV talking heads’ word for their accomplishments.

  2. Charles Auer Says:

    Patrick, I think you read my mind. I have never liked the conversion of Washington’s Birthday to all presidents day! It made no sense.

  3. Delta McBravo Says:


  4. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Yep, and as you write the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave really drives the idea home. Perhaps we should have a holiday on August 9 (the day the original Nixon resigned) since there are Federal holidays in the month and maybe Fat Nixon could match the date and climb into Marine 1 himself and fly off to hell? Then there’s March 15 which I keep dreaming about.
    Meanwhile if anyone wants to see what we’re doing bike-wise here in the city of the best pizza on earth –

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Hey, Lorenzo, a too-small bike is better than no bike at all, for sure.

      Glad to see you two are getting some miles in.

      • larryatcycleitalia Says:

        Yep, scores well on the BTN scale for sure. Of course had we the chance to do it over the M size with 27.5 wheels would have been much better. If we were to keep bikes like this I would LOVE to find out how they ride with some high-thread count supple tires mounted up instead of these 30 tpi Kenda things named “Slant Six” for some reason. I know what a slant six was, but how that has anything to do with bikes or tires escapes me.

  5. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Word, Patrick. President’s day turned to shit for me when the Patriot Act was signed into law. I can sure change what I call it, and it’s Washington’g birthday whether on the 18th or 22nd.

  6. gary burnette Says:

    Right on.

  7. David Rees Says:

    With your permission, I’d like to be able to use this sentence – “We’ve signed up some real lulus for the gig, bozos best consigned to the Dumpster of History, including the bloated scumbag presently squatting in the Oval Office like an orange poison toad” – whenever and with whom ever I choose. It’s a classic. I promise to attribute it to you as well.

  8. Pat O'Brien Says:

    If I may change the subject for a moment, it is snowing and blowing in sunny Southeast Arizona just like in Albuquerque. Now that is truly some serious bullshit. After all, Albuquerque is in the Great White North, heh, and they should expect this.

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