Backdoored by Backcountry.com

The only backcountry that Backcountry.com cares about. Photo by Heidi Zumbrun

This week’s private-equity outrage comes to you courtesy of TSG Partners, the vile cock-knockers who own Backcountry.com, among other things.

These soulless fuckbubbles have been knuckling any and all small-business types who dare use the word “backcountry” while doing their little bits of business.

Never mind that the word has been in use since 1746, according to Merriam-Webster, which itself has only been around since 1828. Hell, Thomas McGuane deployed the word in 1969 for a piece in Sports Illustrated, “The Longest Silence,” about fly-fishing for permit in Florida.

It’s a good thing Captain Berserko was just selling a few thousand words about the joys of the sporting life, and never tried to market waders under the Backcountry Anglers label. The shysters at IPLA Legal Advisors would be trying to climb in there with him, bent on cutting off his nuts.

Good luck with that, by the way. The Captain don’t play that shit.

Anyway, here at Mad Dog Backcountry Media we support the little backcountry people in their backcountry attempts to wrest a meager backcountry living from the backcountry crumbs overlooked by private-equity pirates whose love for the “backcountry” is limited to the terrain immediately surrounding other people’s wallets, especially if said people are too small to put up any real fight against a button-down bandit.

And thus we propose that anyone who works for or with TSG Partners be dipped in honey, clad in pork-chop “lifestyle collection” garments, and air-dropped into the actual backcountry, where they may argue their case before a panel of backcountry grizzlies, backcountry wolves, and backcountry buzzards.

They might get some professional courtesy from the latter. But not if the griz gets ’em first.

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17 Responses to “Backdoored by Backcountry.com”

  1. SAO’ Says:

    Going to go to Hover right now and register http://www.backcountry-roubaix.com

  2. khal spencer Says:

    What a bunch of fucktards. Boycott the sonsabitches.

  3. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Fuckbubbles? Doucheous Maximus? Permission to steal Sir! Too good and original to just lift without asking. But, they both aptly describe the needle dick bugfuckers that would bring those kind of law suits.

  4. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Throw in fucktards and what a great string of cuss words! I’ve always maintained that if we couldn’t fling cuss words and foul language; mankind would die out in global warfare in under a month. And if there were no coffee….we’ll maybe even less time. Legend had it my old man once called his boss a nipple-headed monkey fucker and didn’t get fired. But he had to pull a number of second shifts so there’s that.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

    • khal spencer Says:

      When I was working on my Ph.D. with this other grad student Steve, our advisor’s rule was that the senior students would keep the lab running and manage operations and only call in the Old Man if things really went to hell. His idea being some day we would have to run our own labs without hand holding. So a lot of cuss words were tossed around in the lab on a day to day basis, esp. when machines went out of calibration, vacuum systems leaked, or chemistry went goofy.

      Our advisor hired a summer student one year who had a tender ear. She reported us for our language. Our advisor looked at her and said “there is no way anyone can keep a mass spec facility running without swearing”. He did tell us that we should be aware of her sensitivity, undoubtedly for legal reasons. But otherwise, that was that, and the “shit”, “fuck”, “goddamn it”, “JFC”, and other terms of endearment were kept in active circulation in order to keep the equipment in fear of us.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      There’s nothing you can’t fix with a 10-pound sledge and a lot of bad language.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      NHMF! Now that’s a beauty, Herb. Seems all these terms also apply to another REMF hangin around inside the beltway.

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