‘I alone can fix it’

“Boy, this must be a really secure location. It doesn’t look like there’s been a janitorial crew in here since … well, since forever.
Smells worse than Pence’s butt-breath in here.”

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Just ask Adolf Twitler, who got going … to the Führerbunker.

Inside the White House, the mood was bristling with tension. Hundreds of protesters were gathering outside the gates, shouting curses at President Trump and in some cases throwing bricks and bottles. Nervous for his safety, Secret Service agents abruptly rushed the president to the underground bunker used in the past during terrorist attacks.

After his evening in the bunker, Mr. Trump emerged on Saturday morning to boast that he never felt unsafe and vow to sic “vicious dogs” and “ominous weapons” on intruders.

Because of course he did. Right after he changed his underwear.

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21 Responses to “‘I alone can fix it’”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    Heil Fucktard, I guess.

    In other news.
    http://labikes.blogspot.com/2020/05/the-more-things-change-more-they-stay.html

  2. SAO' Says:

    Always with the dogs. What’s his problem with dogs? Got bit by a Cav King Chuck when he was a tyke?

  3. Pat O'Brien Says:

    The whole world’s watching.

    Down in the bunker, fire on the street, the little man’ s afraid, and so he starts to tweet.

    • khal spencer Says:

      Pat nails it. That should be skywritten over D.C.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Down in the Bunker

      Early in the evening, they are gathering in the street
      Getting it together, they going to demonstrate
      Tired of all the killing, tired of all the hate
      just want to make it stop, tired of the wait

      Chorus

      Down in the bunker, fire on the street
      Little man’s afraid, and so he starts to tweet

      Lead Guitar Break

      When you lose your hope, and see nowhere to go
      Anger starts to boil, it continues to grow
      When no one will listen, your plight is ignored
      Demand change to the rules, get justice restored

      Chorus

      Now he tweets while DC burns, injustice reigns supreme
      History seems to rhyme again, and Nero is his meme
      Tamed riots from his bunker, heel spurs in the way
      Make America great again, he couldn’t save the day

      Chorus

      Repeat Chorus

      To the Tune of “Down On The Corner” written by John Fogerty

  4. Ira Says:

    Rome burns, while Nero fiddles. With his phone. In a bunker.

  5. John Crenshaw Says:

    The poor dear. It’s so hard to run for cover, what with the bone spurs and all.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Just think of those poor SS boys, having to carry the fat bastard to safety in his sedan chair. They won’t need no steenkeeng Peloton session after that workout.

  6. khal spencer Says:

    With apologies to John Prine

    While shopping at the local Walmart
    In the back of the auto parts aisle
    A Make America hat in bright red style
    Fell off a shelf onto on the floor
    Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
    Put it on for all to see
    And if I could see old Donald Trump now
    I’d tell him how good I feel

    But your MAGA hat won’t get you
    Any credit anymore
    The streets are overcrowded
    As the fires start to roar
    Now people don’t like cops killin’
    No matter what the reason’s for
    And your MAGA hat won’t get you
    any credit anymore

    Well, I went to the Trump rally this morning
    And the leader he said to me
    “If you donate to the re-election campaign
    We’ll give you ten of them hats for free”
    Well, I didn’t mess around a bit
    I took him up on what he said
    And I gave ‘em away to my neighbors kids
    And plopped the last one on my old wife’s head

    But your MAGA hat won’t get you
    Any credit anymore
    The streets are overcrowded
    As the fires start to roar
    Now people don’t like cops killin’
    No matter what the reason’s for
    And your MAGA hat won’t get you
    any credit anymore

    Well, my living room got so cluttered
    fulla hats and signs that I couldn’t breathe
    While watchin riots and cussing out Biden
    I tripped over the cat that I did not see
    Then I hit the gun rack and just like that I blew a big hole in me
    By the time they got the EMT down
    I was already dead
    And I’ll never understand why the man
    Standing in the pearly gates said

    But your MAGA hat won’t get you
    Any credit anymore
    The streets are overcrowded
    As the fires start to roar
    Now people don’t like cops killin’
    No matter what the reason’s for
    And your MAGA hat won’t get you
    any credit anymore

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