Carrion, my wayward son. There’ll be peace when you are done.
A fat orange vulture lifts off the carcass of the Republic and flaps slowly off to the south.
He hadn’t finished his meal, but there will be others. Right now, the idea is to perch in Florida for a spell, let the stomach settle. But the neighbors there are restless. Something about a contract.
Yeah, and good luck with that. This zopilote treats paper the same way a broke-ass budgie would. You lay it down, he’ll shit on it. Then what you got is a bloated, grunting buzzard and a piece of paper, and both are full of shit.
There are ways to deal with invasive varmints, but paper — unless it’s some old-school wadding in a 12-gauge shotgun shell — generally isn’t much help.
Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Now, all evidence to the contrary, I am not entirely insane. I know in my heart of hearts that this bird is not really going anywhere today, regardless of where he roosts. He will be very much with us for many a dark moon, hissing and flapping and shitting on everything, because these are the only things he’s good at, other than lying and grifting and pissing away other peoples’ money.
He’ll still be doing that, too. The pension for the job he couldn’t be bothered to do between tweets is a cool $219,000 per annum at the moment, and he also gets office space, staff, access to health insurance, plus Secret Service backup to ensure that his beak will never write a check that his fat ass can’t cash. And the dummies will send him whatever pennies they’re not spending on guns, ammo, and camo’.
I remain hopeful that a good deal of this money and manpower will be pissed away on a fruitless battle to keep him out of prison before he dies of syphilitic insanity, simple apoplexy, or a bad Big Mac (is there such a thing as a good Big Mac?).
But there will be hissing and flapping and shitting aplenty before — if — this bird is finally and properly caged.
In the meantime, as Joe and Kamala roll up their sleeves, arm themselves with mops, shovels, and buckets, and get to work, we will be treated to the peacocking of various buzzards-in-waiting, each claiming to be the rightful heir to the Throne of Bones.
The Chosen One will proclaim himself a mighty eagle. But don’t you believe it. He’ll be just another goddamn vulture, hunting a meal. There are still a few toothsome tidbits on the carcass.
• And now, some video of the swearing-at ceremony.
Mad Blog Media 
January 20, 2021 at 7:24 am |
I feel like this has been a 4 year long dutch oven and Biden is finally pulling the blanket off of us.
January 20, 2021 at 7:30 am |
And a Big Mac Dutch oven, too. The worstest.
January 20, 2021 at 7:26 am |
If congress has any spine at all, they will take away all the extra funding. Only the pension is out of their grasp, and secret service protection should be left in place. We don’t need any orange martyrs for the q folks to try and resurrect. The dumpster and his spawn are out of the capitol. Good riddance. When Joe and Kamala take their oaths and safely return to their homes and offices will I be able to relax.
January 20, 2021 at 7:32 am |
The SS boys must be gobbling the Dexedrine with both hands today. “Eyes open, eyes open, eyes open, goddamnit. …”
Meanwhile, irony certainly continues to elude this sonofabitch. Playing “Fortunate Son” as a farewell tune? Seriously?
January 20, 2021 at 8:49 am |
I missed that. What a stupid man. A war protest song for spanky the draft dodger..
January 20, 2021 at 8:59 am |
He used “YMCA,” too. Maybe he’s not planning to crash at Mar-a-Lago?
January 20, 2021 at 2:40 pm |
See this one?
January 20, 2021 at 9:17 am |
Almost there. Wait for it………
January 20, 2021 at 10:03 am |
That fat lady is singing! Damn, I was ready for that!
January 20, 2021 at 10:39 am |
Somebody hang out the “Under New Management” sign.
January 20, 2021 at 10:25 am |
Watching a young woman in a yellow coat speak at the ceremony just now. Wow.
January 20, 2021 at 10:37 am |
She had it dialed. Seriously.
January 20, 2021 at 4:31 pm |
Youth National Poet Laureate. Think there’s some talent there? 11 on a 1-to-10 scale in my view.
January 20, 2021 at 4:55 pm |
Very impressive. I’m no poet — the form is a mystery to me — but I enjoy reading poetry, and hearing it is even better. I thought she crushed it. And with such self-possession. At that age you would’ve been lucky to pry a “yuh,” “for sure,” or “uh huh” out of me.
January 20, 2021 at 5:08 pm |
Somewhat related, but off topic: When did “Ya know?” replace “Duh” in our conversations? 🙂
January 20, 2021 at 5:54 pm |
I can’t pin a date on it, but the language is a fluid thing, and even more so since the advent of the Innertubes. Radio and TV were already homogenizing and revising regional speech and then boom! The Innertubes put that process into hyperdrive.
It must be hell trying to keep a dictionary current these days.
January 20, 2021 at 11:04 am |
Lady Liberty just got rid of four years worth of constipation and boy, does she feel better.
By the way, what is “MDM says AMF”?
January 20, 2021 at 12:43 pm |
“Mad Dog Media Says Adios Mother Fucker.” Some hot rodders and street racers used to paint “AMF” on their differentials Back in the Day®.
January 20, 2021 at 12:56 pm |
achha.
January 20, 2021 at 1:00 pm |
And good bye to the bhenchod.
January 20, 2021 at 1:31 pm
My better half taught me some of the choicest Hindi curses. In this case, “sister fucker”
January 20, 2021 at 1:23 pm |
My Hindi is weak, but I’m pretty a’ight with U-nited States of America American, Spanglish, and Filth.
January 20, 2021 at 3:08 pm |
Think mf but with a sibling on the distaff side. It goes in the Filth category.
January 20, 2021 at 6:19 pm |
I recall thinking of “Ding, dong the witches dead” when Reagan passed away. I know that’s cruel, but Reagan was an actor and the tune does have an element of association.
Right now my first musical thought was Floyd’s “another brick in the wall”. I believe that comes about from my thought of stuffing the Trumpster away in a deep, dirty hovel and bricking the opening up with polymer modified concrete and rebar. Or could it be his border wall I was thinking of? Hmm? Subconscious thoughts are deep man. Can you dig me?
Whoops! I just shifter audio gears. I can now hear “Its a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood…a Beautiful Day…”
January 20, 2021 at 8:14 pm |
You out did yourself on this one, Patrick. I bet Hunter (S. Thompson, not Biden) is smiling down on you.
January 21, 2021 at 7:03 am |
Gracias, Ms. O’Loch. HST was a power hitter, but even a bush-leaguer like me can put the fat end of the bat to the ball now and then.