Chicken Kyiv

A Red Dawn behind the Tree of Liberty?
Nah. Just sunrise behind a cottonwood.

Early on, as a retired pinko turned journo, I was something of an amateur Kremlinologist. Read a lot of George Kennan and Adam Ulam; subscribed to Foreign Policy magazine. Never did get what you might call a handle on the folks who caused me to spend a portion of my childhood crouched under various schoolroom desks.

The Soviet leadership invariably seemed avaricious, belligerent, paranoid, and treacherous (do unto others before they do unto you). Their people, meanwhile, seemed to possess a limitless capacity for suffering.

It’s more or less a straight line from Stalin’s “Socialism in One Country” of 1925, which made Moscow the Vatican City of Communism, a palace of never-ending intrigues, to Khrushchev’s “We will bury you!” of 1956.

But the ol’ shoe-banger couldn’t even bury Stalinism.

Khrushchev — who made his Red bones early on as a Stalinist henchman and later as the Soviet Union’s top man in (wait for it) Ukraine — eventually came to realize that if the Marxist-Leninist family were to prosper, Mother Russia would have to acknowledge a few red-headed stepchildren.

But once he started talking about International Communism being a sort of stern Baskin-Robbins with a flavor for everyone, that was his ass. Uncle Joe cast a real long shadow.

Khrushchev’s successors, among them Mikhail Gorbachev and Boris Yeltsin, tried to rattle-can a new coat of paint on the old red Zil, kept it chugging along for a while. But it finally wound up in the ditch, and gangs of roving oligarchs stripped it for parts.

Now we’ve got this former KGB spook behind the wheel. Clearly a man with a fondness for the classics, Putin wants to put the band back together. Those Ukraine girls must really knock him out.

Gimme shelter.

Not exactly a mission from God. More like a mission from Stalin.

Jesus H. Christ. Can’t somebody get a permanent hammer-and-sickle-lock on this guy? I’m getting too old to keep crawling under my desk. And anyway, the cat beat me to it.

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26 Responses to “Chicken Kyiv”

  1. Pat O’Brien Says:

    You ain’t kidding mi amigo. Putin is an oligarch, some estimate the richest in the world, and a cold war spy dictator and dictator of the old and nasty school. China’s dictator ain’t happy about it, but he won’t do shit. Neither one can afford to let their illusions of democracy be spoiled.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      The NYT columnist Thomas Friedman says the West intercoursed the penguin by pushing NATO expansion when Russia was trying to climb out of the wreckage of the Soviet Union, citing a chat with none other than George Kennan:

      “I think it is the beginning of a new cold war. I think the Russians will gradually react quite adversely and it will affect their policies. I think it is a tragic mistake. There was no reason for this whatsoever. No one was threatening anybody else. This expansion would make the founding fathers of this country turn over in their graves.

      “We have signed up to protect a whole series of countries, even though we have neither the resources nor the intention to do so in any serious way. [NATO expansion] was simply a lighthearted action by a Senate that has no real interest in foreign affairs. What bothers me is how superficial and ill informed the whole Senate debate was. I was particularly bothered by the references to Russia as a country dying to attack Western Europe.

      “Don’t people understand? Our differences in the Cold War were with the Soviet Communist regime. And now we are turning our backs on the very people who mounted the greatest bloodless revolution in history to remove that Soviet regime. And Russia’s democracy is as far advanced, if not farther, as any of these countries we’ve just signed up to defend from Russia. Of course there is going to be a bad reaction from Russia, and then [the NATO expanders] will say that we always told you that is how the Russians are — but this is just wrong.”

      Remember how the desire to punish Germany for World War I via the Treaty of Versailles helped fuel the rise of Adolf Hitler and his Nazis?

      • Shawn Says:

        Great post. Thank you.

        Yes, we (primarily America) just had to rub it into the noses of the Russian people that we were the top dog now. We couldn’t just try to work on improving our own system so that others’ might be able to see the good example we were setting. So unsurprisingly, explosive capitalism occurs controlled by a core group of well positioned individuals in the Russian hierarchy, and gain control of the country. But those with cleverer minds, those trained in control and human psychology, wait in the wings. They know the weakness of those oligarchs and when the time was ripe, they swooped in to rescue the Russian people from monopolistic control. As long as Putin maintains control over how his people think and make decisions, he will maintain a semblance of popular support. It’s happened before, it’s happening in our country, and it will happen again. In the meantime, Putin will invade Ukraine and we will shake our magic stick to make him go away. Several thousand people will die and the world as we know it will continue on as it always has. Belief, money and greed.

  2. Pat O’Brien Says:

    This gives us a clue on Putin. Guess the guy did not want the poison umbrella jab on the way home from work tonight. Reminds me of how the dumpster treats people who aren’t loyal enough.

  3. khal spencer Says:

    There was no reason to suggest Ukraine join NATO. Recall how concerned we got when the Soviets put IRBMs in Cuba? No one likes to have someone else’s guns so close to their heart. Seems we could have just said “Ok, the Ukraine is just a neuteral country.

    Now we get this mess. But as far as Russia no longer being a threat once the USSR cratered? I’m not so sure of that. Especially with Vladamir trying to show his dick is longer than everyone else’s.

    Yeah, I too recall those duck and cover drills. Loads of fun, esp. during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

  4. Pat O’Brien Says:

    I think the threat to Russia by NATO expansion was an illusion gamed by Putin. It was never a real threat. Illegal immigration is another illusion gamed by oligarchs here to gain and retain power. Ordinary people keep reaching for power and wealth, so the the Chinese philosopher said. They can never have enough, and they lead the entire world. They have nukes as the final threat and leverage to get what they want. We, along with others, are probably putting weapons in space, the ultimate high ground. Nukes in Cuba ain’t shit compared to nukes parked in geosynchronous orbit above Chicago. They don’t give a shit about us and never will. As the retired Marine cleaning pools here to help his daughter with cancer and no health insurance said to me, “clinton and trump don’t give a fuck about me. All I am good for to them is to catch bullets.”

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      People always talk chess in these situations, but I think the game here was poker. The NATO expansion was a bluff, and Putin called it. Probably pissed him off that the West thought he might be dumb enough to fold.

  5. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Jeezus… Khrushchev and his immediate replacements are like characters from Seinfeld compared to Putin. No comedic bent from that bastard. Although I did get a few chuckles from the pictures of Putin and tRump together where Putin is looking at tRump adoringly all the while no doubt picking his pocket and cobbing his Rolex.
    I vote for making POG the US ambassador to Russia. By god he’d straighten them sumbitches out. Or maybe turn foreign diplomacy into a Marx Brothers remake.

    • Shawn Says:

      I don’t think that would be very effective. Putin would simply build POG a grand dacha with it’s own world class cyclocross course, miles of bicycle only roads all around and a high dollar contract for an oligarch comic strip, and all would be reported as acceptable. Oh, and there would be an as needed supply of fresh tortillas and green chiles ready to be imported from New Mexico at the drop of an Ushanka.

      • Herb from Michigan Says:

        Shawn I refuse to believe POG could be so easily corrupted. Well….maybe he could be blackmailed. Then again, probably not. He freely and openly admits his crimes and misdemeanors as well as screwball highlights. Nope, he’s our man and I say send him over and let the fur fly. Plus Herself might need a break.

    • Patrick O’Brien Says:

      Herb, I agree. The Mad Dog has a low tolerance for bullshit, especially low quality bullshit. Money could never shut him up, and Putin wouldn’t last a minute in a verbal joust with Patricio.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Bought? Never! But rented? Make me an offer. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.”

        Also, I built my own cyclocross course when we lived in the 43-acre People’s Republic of Dogistan, outside Weirdcliffe. It was invaded by capitalist buzzworms and I was forced to beat a strategic retreat.

        The People's Republic of Dogistan Victory of Socialism Cyclocross Course

        The People’s Republic of Dogistan Victory of Socialism Cyclocross Course.

        • Herb from Michigan Says:

          I’ve heard stories of Dogistan. People used to dance there late at night under the moon to ancient Celtic tunes. And sometimes drink nog and pee on their bike tires which they felt fended off badgers and local idjits. Sounded like a magical place unless you were adverse to blizzards and hauling and chopping wood.

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Uncle Joe, Nikita, and the gang had to compel people to relocate to Siberia. But we did it to ourselfs.

          • Herb from Michigan Says:

            Despite your feeble protestations POG, Khal pulled some strings and you ARE going to Russia to sort this shit out. He was unable to wrangle the ambassador post but did get you listed as a “special envoy” but you can’t fly on government planes. No worry, POB ponied up for a flight on SOF (Soldier of Fortune) airlines and you’ll get to Russia in about a week. Things should pretty well be hopping by then. Looks like there are numerous stops for some junta work, insurrections, some kind of coup work in Iceland and other tomfoolery. POB will even come up and drive you to the airport -said something about laying his hands on a “Jones” bike he’s had his eye on while he’s up there.
            I do have some advice POG-if you score a meeting with V.Putin, DON’T look at his ass. He is really sensitive about the fact that it’s mostly missing. Seems tRump kissed it so much it was like sandpaper on a breadstick.
            As for your return flight….we’re working on it……

          • Pat O’Brien Says:

            Yea, something about no round trip tickets and bring your own parachute. Ride to the airport? No worries, got you and Herself covered. And I will take real good care of the Jones until, well, whatever.

        • Pat O’Brien Says:

          Welcome to the great white North, heh you hoser?

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Which reminds me, here’s a pertinent episode of Radio Free Dogpatch from last year. FYI, my man Hal is dealing with subzero temps and snow up in Crusty County. His wood stove is getting a serious workout.

  6. peterwpolack Says:

    Why aren’t you publishing this stuff in the local Albuquerque newspaper?! That was hilarious, and historically accurate, too!
    Bonus-it’s safe for eyes of all ages!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Hasn’t the daily newspaper suffered enough?

    • Shawn Says:

      Don’t you know that it’s more important to announce that the big river machine has coddled the political minds of New Mexico and is planning a new un-fulfillment center in the area. I mean, who cares about what some russkie does about the rain in the UK?

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        O, indeed. More gigs picking, packing, and shipping for Jeffy Beelzebub. I wonder if anyone in Los Lunas has read “Nomadland.” I hope the “fulfillment center” has enough parking for the employees’ homes … er, vehicles.

        They have a state slammer and a Facebutt water-gobbler down there too.

  7. Opus the Poet Says:

    I grew up attending DOD schools next to the big targets, we never did those duck-and-cover drills, maybe because we were close enough to the targets that it wouldn’t make any difference. Until I got to third grade and by then nobody was doing them anymore.

  8. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Vlad the savvy genius did what Uncle Joe said he was going to do. Dictators relying on fossil fuel money will do likewise in the future. The world’s response will hurt everyone and help no one. “Them that’s got shall get, them’s that not shall lose.”

  9. Stan Thomas Says:

    Back in the USSR eh?

    This is straight out of Adolf’s 1938 playbook, Munich agreements, annexation of Sudetenland^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HCrimea with enthnic Germans^H^H^H^H^H^H^HRussians, “no plans to invade”, blitzkrieg. You’d think they could come up with some new ideas. Questions now are does Putin stop here and is China going to try the same in Taiwan?

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