On the roof, the only place I know,
where you just have to wish to make it so.
Every day you are above the sod is a good one.
I was a little further above the sod than is my custom this morning, filling up four 39-gallon Hefty bags with the pine needles carpeting the northernmost corner of our roof.
Ordinarily this would give me some worthy topic for complaint (“Flat roofs are stupid,” and so on). But we don’t live in Turkey, or Syria, so we still have our stupid flat roof intact above our heads instead of in pieces smack dab on top of them.
Plus, we had a roofer take a look-see up there the other day, and he said he thought we didn’t need a completely new roof, just a few precautionary touchups here and there. And maybe someone should rake up that shaggy carpet of pine needles on the north side, he mused.
This roofer worked for the company that installed our roof back in 2007, and shortly thereafter launched his own operation with a lot of the same people from the previous outfit, which is no longer with us (due to personal matters rather than personnel matters).
So we’re inclined toward optimism, which regular visitors know is not Your Humble Narrator’s natural state of being.
Below the roof, down there where the sod lies, a landscaper whose work we have admired has had a walkaround — like the roofer, The Big Boss Man of his outfit — and one of his people just popped by to take some measurements. So we’re expecting a design proposal and cost estimate directly.
Maybe, just maybe, since it seems we might not have to put a new bonnet on El Rancho Pendejo, we can afford to have its grass skirt hemmed. Use a little less of our imaginary Colorado River water. Encourage the lawn-gobbling deer to browse elsewhere, which would endear us to our gardening neighbors.
Flat roofs are stupid, though. Just sayin’.
Tags: backyard, Colorado River Compact, El Rancho Pendejo, flat roof, megadrought
Mad Blog Media 
February 6, 2023 at 5:38 pm |
Flat roofs are stupid.
February 7, 2023 at 5:45 am |
Y’dern tootin’, podnah. Them shits need a slant to ’em, like the news.
February 6, 2023 at 11:52 pm |
Yeah, no kidding. If I had a time machine, I would go back and find out who invented the damn flat roof, and make sure they were never born, or failing that, steer them into another vocation. The roof on my building the bike store was in was flat, and actually not only flat, but concave, as in, caving in. The next owner of that building ripped that mess off immediately and installed a proper peaked design, one that would definately not drive the insurance rates up. After selling the property, it was a long time before I didn’t fear rainstorms.
February 7, 2023 at 6:01 am |
I’ve owned five houses and had roofs done on three of them. Our Crusty County chalet had a Pro-Panel metal roof that never needed a lick of attention. Snow slid off that sumbitch like water off a duck’s back.
The peaked roofs on the Bibleburg houses — the itty-bitty ones in the Greater Patty Jewett Yacht & Gun Club Neighborhood — took about 20 minutes to replace with 30-year shingles. Zip and zip and zip! My folks’ old house in the eastern ’burbs took longer because it was a Sixties weirdo, a four-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bath, two-car-garage trilevel with more angles than a used-car salesman. Also, wood shakes. Talk about stupid. …
Flat roofs give birth to leaks and an entire catalog of bad ideas. Pipes and ductwork up top, exposed to the tender mercies of weather and critters. Sure, let’s put a big ol’ combo heating-and-cooling unit up there! We got a crane! What could go wrong?
Never again. These fauxdobes look cute but I do bleeve that time has done marched on as regards roofing technology since some sodbuster in the desert said, “Aw, screw it, let’s just cover up these mud bricks with poles and weeds and dirt. It’ll leak when it rains, but it’s still better than sleeping outside with the snakes and scorpions.”
February 7, 2023 at 9:47 am |
Metal roof is the real deal just like you said. Properly installed over a quality water barrier, it’s good for 30-100 years.
February 7, 2023 at 1:51 am |
So thinking of xeriscaping to use less water?
February 7, 2023 at 6:09 am |
O, indeed. The soil in the backyard is unfriendly to grass and so is the climate. Plus there’s way too much grass back there even if we did have better conditions for it.
The previous owner had kids who needed a place to play, and she was very much into tending and extending the grass, flowers, and shrubs, which we are not, though the insects, deer, raccoons, rabbits, skunks, foxes, bobcats, hawks, and other critters certainly take an interest in the foliage and each other.
We can’t justify throwing any more water at that mess. Not with the Rio turning into just another poorly maintained gravel road.
February 7, 2023 at 5:17 am |
There are two kinds of flat roofs. Ones that leak and ones that are going to leak.
February 7, 2023 at 6:11 am |
You said it, Hoss. Keep a bucket and mop on standby. Learn a few new swear words so you don’t repeat yourself quite so often.
February 7, 2023 at 5:58 am |
Yeah but the thing is POG with a flat roof you have a safer place to practice your dance moves when the moon is full. Unless of course you’ve let the materials deteriorate to the point where you crash through onto the kitchen table. What a visual……
February 7, 2023 at 6:29 am |
Eeeyew. Old white dudes should never dance where people can see ’em. It askeers the chirruns.
February 7, 2023 at 12:46 pm |
Recycled plastic (LDPE and HDPE) roofing coating for flat roofs. It will be applied in a semi-liquid state over existing surfaces and will fuse as it cools. The use of recycled glass particles can be applied over the top after application to increase the albedo. The encapsulation of government top secret documents within the roofing coating will be extra.