April fuel

Half of the ingredients for guacamole toast, plus the obligatory mug of joe.

We were down to one avocado and it didn’t look good.

I had just sliced it into halves when the dreaded brown spots made their presence known.

So I showed it to Herself, our resident avocado whisperer.

“Doesn’t look good,” I ventured. She agreed. What the hell, Miss Mia Sopaipilla is not into the morning guacamole anyway. She prefers a lick or two or three of a butter-smeared finger.

But when I went back to the kitchen with the dubious avocado I thought, “No, goddamnit, avocados cost, what, five bucks apiece? There’s gotta be enough edible flesh on this bad boy to spread on a couple pieces of toast.”

So I performed some reductive surgery on it, tossed the salvageable bits into a bowl with lime, salt, onion, and tomato, and hey presto! Guacamole for toast. No foolin’.

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11 Responses to “April fuel”

  1. Shawn Says:

    I don’t like to waste things either. What are a few brown spots anyway. I mean they don’t have fur on them yet. A few years back right before covid, I was in a creative mood and took an obvious ailing avocado and spread it out on an old paint canvas I had. A portion of the brown and green had combined and created some orange so I spread it so that it looked like a sunset. It looked pretty good. Who would have thought that spray varnish will coat avocado pretty well. I threw the vegetative art into a frame and hung it in the garage. A couple of months later my local art center was accepting abstract art for a show coming up and they liked the avocado “set” enough to hang it in the gallery. It’s common to put a price on art that’s in the show so I humorously through an exorbitant number on the back. Hell. Before the gallery art show opening night hand ended, I was $2,500 richer. How do you like them avocados? Joyeux poisson d’avril!

  2. Libby Says:

    Victory from the jaws of the garbage can or compost. I hate when the avocado isn’t ripe or it’s hard and already has big brown areas or specks inside. “Spoiled” presumably by cold/storage issues during transport not because it is overripe.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      For reals. I notice with some amusement that our local groceries are putting signs on their avocado bins: Today, one-two days, three-four days, etc. The customers grow weary of sawing into rockacados and/or black sacks of green goo.

  3. Herb from Michigan Says:

    It’s a gol-derned conspiracy I tells ya. Twice this week I found avo’s that looked fine but were everything but. So I had to get creative with both the dinner salad and a breakfast omelet. I hope another congressional committee investigation can get to the nation/terrorist group/laser beam satellite that’s behind this crime.

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