Cleared to land

Heading home, to where the coffee is.

The thing I hate most about driving to the airport at dark-thirty, surrounded by one-eyed, high-beam tailgaters, lift-kitters’ lugnuts, and Fruehauf mudflaps, is that I am never the person actually flying anywhere.

Other than to the airport, that is.

I have not flown through the air with the greatest of unease since March 2014, if memory serves. Unless you count my unscheduled short-range trips on the local trails, which cause only physical trauma.

Could I even remember how to navigate the unfriendly skies after nearly a decade on the deck? Unlikely. Also unnecessary. If the trip is under 2,000 miles and involves no bridgeless water crossings I will travel via Air Subaru, where the pilot is unreliable but a close personal friend, we go and stop at my convenience, and all the mechanicals take place at ground level.

But Herself, who is made of sterner stuff, blazes a trail straight through the customer-disservice wilderness without batting an eye.

She did it again this morning, far too early, in order to visit a friend in Minnesota. I was the first stage of her launch vehicle and burned up during re-entry, which necessitated a short nap.

But now Herself is safely in orbit around Minneapolis and I’m back at my desk in Mission Control, where the temps are inching toward triple digits with winds of 25 mph and up.

Say, did someone ship me to Mars while I was napping? Anyone seen Elon lately? You can’t take your eyes off that bozo for a nanosecond. That’s his mission, anyway. I find myself rooting for simultaneous knockouts.

14 thoughts on “Cleared to land

  1. Elon and Donald same same. Want to see their names in print, radio, TV, or intertubes all day everyday. Rich, maybe, sociopaths.

  2. Back in the day when I knew I was more important, I traveled all over the place. Flying hither and yon. A fun time it was especially before flying became something that needed to be coordinated with much more security. I used to keep a log of my aerial travels and was several hundred flights along, and then life changed. Now my airport visits are also of the pickup and drop off kind. I always liked going into an airport to meet the arriving party, but with the changes in airport safety and their design, that has become much less enjoyable. The world has changed and I think I fell off the boat and am watching it sail off into the horizon. But that’s ok. At least I don’t have to intervene in a passenger stewardess / steward assault, or change my flight plans because a pilot tries to taxi through a less than plane-width space. Besides, there’s always the bus.

    Elon? Who cares about Elon? We don’t need no stinking Elon? Well maybe the orange buffoon does. Maybe Elon’s going to invite him along in a tag team match with Marky Z and Marjorie’s Tailor is Green. The orange buffoon needs to get some cage time in before the big iron grate is permanently closed.

    1. I never flew much. Back in the Day® the bike magazines used to jet me around a bit, but I came to dislike the process — hurry up and wait, assume the position, of course your flight has been canceled, learn to live with disappointment — so I started driving to most gigs, especially Interbike.

      I had that series of longbed Toyota trucks with camper shells, so cheap lodging was available just behind the cab. Once I borrowed Herself’s Subaru Brighton Legacy Wagon for a trip to somewhere — Cactus Cup, maybe? — and that was long enough for me to stretch out and bag some Z’s in at a rest area outside Flagstaff en route.

      Did at least one longish road trip for the Boulder-based journal of competitive cycling in a 1978 Toyota Chinook pop-top, which was …. interesting. I was banging out a piece on getaways for spring training camps and hit Las Cruces, Tucson, McDowell Mountain Regional Park outside Fountain Hills, and a couple other spots. But that vehicle was as trustworthy as a Florida real-estate salesman and I was distracted by the thought of it leaving me a heap of bleached bones somewhere in the desert.

      The Hotel Tacoma

      • Click here to embiggen

  3. Airports suck. Being in one, going to one, being near one, or even coming back from one after the flight is over. Nope, don’t care for them at all.

    I’m with you. I drive. If it is in the lower 48, or up Canada way, if I am ever allowed to obtain a new passport, I’ll be the one behind the steering wheel.

    When “The Show” was on the far west coast, every dealer and rep flew, because they were smart. One day, Larry (a rep) comes in on a Tuesday as asks if I’ll be at the show in Anaheim. I told him I will be there. Did the necessary order with him, and he leaves the store in the early afternoon. I then pack up the van immediately and leave my store to The Ones Who Could Barely Be Trusted.

    Thursday afternoon, on Katella Ave. and in front of the hotel we’re all staying at, I see Larry, wave to him from my van, as I am just arriving. He says “Hey Dave…” and then stops and freezes, as if to say “WTF? You drove?” It was fun. I do stupid stuff like that.

    1. I flew to my first Interbike, IIRC. Anaheim, of course, where I first met Brent Steelman, Bruce Gordon, and any number of other madmen (and madwomen). After that it was surface transportation.

      Driving in the Los Angeles area was almost as bad as flying. That’s no place for a hick from the sticks. Casual motoring around the real West does not prepare you for La-La Land.

      1. I love driving in LA. But you have to know when to be driving in specific areas, otherwise you’re going to be creeping along at dead battery e-bike speed on some elevated concrete strip along with as many cars as you can see, for several hours.

        Knocking on dead wood. I worked in Anaheim and commuted into work on my race bike several times a week from Garden Grove. I don’t recall ever having any significant negative traffic issues. Back then (late 80’s), the streets were well designed and in excellent condition and I was a responsible rider that was predictable and rode with traffic. Of course, the weather was always great.

  4. As for air travel – the whole scene got perverse and bloated like Lindsey Graham. Traffic to and from coupled with perpetual road de-struction makes for stress and some very bad language as you foolishly thought you’d planned plenty of time to get to your gate. If checked, think you’ll see your luggage anytime soon? Car rental and Uber prices have been jacked to the point where you wonder if buying one would be cheaper. And be prepared when you get to your hotel for a 3-act play to unfold with over the top character actors galore. I used to fly every 3rd week and thank Zeus I’m down to twice a year.

    1. For me, air travel was complicated by two factors. First, I was flying out of Bibleburg, where one false step would knock down the house of cards connecting COS to DIA, PHX, LAX, SFO, ORD, SEA, or wherever. Second, someone else was usually making my arrangements. So if I actually got to where I was going, I’d find the hotel arrangements SNAFUed and/or FUBARed.

      At least when I drove I had a truck to sleep in. Aw, but ain’t that America, for you and me?

      1. Yeah. Successful air travel helps a lot if you’re starting out from a destination airport. Starting out from an ancillary location can really cause problems all along the chain of connections. Anchorage was my “fly-into” hub that could really foul things up especially if the other bigger pain-in-the-ass hub in Seattle was fouled up. I was stuck there one night with a lot of irritable (grizzled?) Alaskans trying to go anywhere else. That was back when other airlines would honor your ticket. With the coordination of three of my college pals, we were able to escape the darkness of Winter on a flight bound for the other hell hole to the south. Perhaps with some encouragement from thoughtful hope, the flight was diverted away from the Seattle maelstrom and we landed in Spokane a short time later. I had the pleasure of doing the OJ dash through the Spokane airport to make a Frontier air flight that was just now departing for Denver. It was great!

  5. Yeah, haven’t winged it in a while. I ‘member a Sunday night flight from Lexington Ky home to Milwaukee was cancelled. Flew to Pittsburgh, caught a connector to St Louis, then to Milwacky. Fun.

  6. No flying for me since early 2016. If that was my last air trip, it would be fine with me. I would like to take an overnight trip on a Amtrak train. We could catch the Sunset Limited in Benson in the afternoon and get to San Antonio late the next morning. Stay a few days and return. Might be fun.

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