Is today the day we get Gym Jordan (R-Locker Rumba) as Squeaker of the House of Reprehensibles?
That would be bad luck indeed, on a par with naming Koba chairman of the Flying Monkey Caucus.
Of course, one wonders whether this conclave of lesser primates could agree to hand the gavel to anyone, even a troika comprising Taylor Swift, Jesus Christ and Zombie Ronald Reagan.
Still, dumber things have happened, or are being contemplated, and here are a few of them:
• Streets on the moon (The Guardian). Scientists have devised a method to transform that pesky moon dust into solid landing pads and roads. “You might think: ‘Streets on the moon, who needs that?’” said professor Jens Günster of the Federal Institute of Materials Research and Testing in Berlin and co-author of a report on the technique. Right you are, prof. How about repairing a few of the roads we have down here on Terra, where the people are? We can’t even reliably land and maintain a construction crew alongside Interstate 40 west of Albuquerque, much less at Faustini Rim A.
• Throw up, pay up (The Washington Post). Restaurants whose bottomless-mimosa brunches have encouraged bargain boozers to do what drunks do — hurl, blow chunks, call Ralph on the big white phone — are starting to charge for the privilege of engaging in the Technicolor Yawn on their premises. “Welcome to the Vomitorium (a small handling charge will be added to your check).” The Romans got here first, of course, but you know how empires are; always declining, and not just to learn from history, either.
• Go ruck yourself (The New York Times). I’m not quite certain how we transitioned from upchucking to rucking up, but here we are. Wipe your lips, buff the barf off your boots, and shoulder that pack, soldier! It’s great fun! As long as no angry foreigners are shooting at you. If marching around and about with a heavy pack catches on, I wouldn’t expect a spike in enlistments, but we might see a few new magazines in the Inside Outside Sideways Down portfolio, like Rucking, Rucksacker, and Rucksack Retailer and Industry News. Hey, vulture capitalists gotta eat, and not just at bottomless-mimosa brunches, either.
Mad Blog Media 
All three of these pieces are about the most stupid shit I can imagine. Pave the moon with a giant magnifying glass? $50 for puking? Carry a loaded rucksack is good exercise? What editor said, “yea, lets print that.”
Jordan? A national disgrace hand picked by the fat orange man. I may need a long digital detox.
For reals. I mean, pave the moon? You’d think these eggheads had never heard of gravel cycling. Sheesh.
As for Jordan, he’s semijacketed, hollow, pointless, and I wish he weren’t around. Any bets on whether he turns out to be a blank?
Jeezus Tap Dancing Christ….with all this sad media news I’m gonna need a beer or two. But I’ve been meaning to ask the Mad Dog Tifosi if anyone has quaffed the newish low alcohol Guinness? One must watch his ever-expanding girth.
Herbalife, old pyramid scheme, I have indeed sampled the Guinness 0 and found it tasty. I have a couple in the fridge as we speak and plan to have one in about 20 minutes, since the weather is coolish for the desert.
Mind you, I haven’t had a real Guinness in more than 10 years. But I think the fake has a taste that’s pretty close to that of the real deal.
I have not tried it Herb. But, you got me interested. Seems odd to me that many N/A beers have the same calorie count as regular beer. But, today’s news of the world requires a regular Guiness Stout, and maybe more than one.
Or, in my case, buy a new guitar which I did last week. A Taylor 324 Builder’s Edition that makes me smile every time I play it. I sold my other Taylor and a Martin to partially finance the buy. So, before anyone asks, I now have three guitars, the Taylor, a Rainsong WS 1000, and a Gibson L-00.
Jeezo, Paddy me lad, you keep this up you’ll have as many git-fiddles as I do bicycles.
The Guinness 0 is the only dark fake beer I’ve found drinkable to date. The Athletic Brewing Co’s All Out Extra Dark is only so-so, though their Run Wild and Free Wave are excellent.
I think I have some catching up to do. Whats the count in Patrick’s bicycle herd today? Over a dozen, perhaps? I am up to the challenge. I wonder if they make a steel resonator guitar in Reynolds 853?
A dozen? By jingo he has that many spare wheels. But fortunately for us POG actually rides those two wheelers and reports thereof which gives us all vicarious pleasure and respite from the weary world. But we suspect the time trial bike gets lonely. And POB, don’t they make all metal dobros?
You are right about Patrick’s herd! We get to learn about every one covering most of the bases in bicycle type and tech. And, they do make all steel resonator guitars. National is the best known maker. Most folks play them with a slide. I’ve tried a slide, but it requires a delicate touch. I have enough trouble with my fingers, thumb, and a pick. I should have started playing 40 years ago instead of 4.
At last count we had 18 rideable bikes and one unadorned frameset in the Fleet.
Two of them belong to Herself, so naturally she is the one most at fault here.
And yes, the Steelman TT bike does get a little weepy from time to time. I need to rearrange the cockpit on that little speed demon and take it out for a spin. The old Profile bullhorns want to put me in a place I can’t reach anymore without medical intervention.
Herb: May I suggest you try the Heineken 0.0. I’ve found it tasty, refreshing, and quite quaffable.
Well that settles that….off to find the Guinness after your review. And I truly enjoy Free Wave when I can get it. While I drink enough red wine to float the entire US Coast Guard, I have stepped back from the brews unless I’m actually at (drum roll) a brewery and someone is driving other than me. I’m too damn old to fight my way through a DUI.
Ooo, a beer. That sure would be tasty about now. Nothing like something to remind you that there is more goodness in humanity then what is sometimes perceived as one helluva shitload.
POG, Is your transporter working these days? You won’t mind if I zoom over late tonight and borrow a brew will you? I promise to pet Miss Mia, if of course Miss Mia wants me to pet her.
Glad I just drank a beer before reading this and the replies. Makes me want a second beer just slightly less now. So there’s a Guinness Zero? Learn something new every day. Regular Guinness is only about 4.5%, so while not zero, it ain’t much. And you can add buttermilk or eggnog to dilute it even more. Does the zero taste the same?
I’ll leave the taste question to someone who’s still drinking real Guinness. I like it, but haven’t had the real deal in a long, long time.
As I tell anyone who asks about the Athletic NA brews, “If you haven’t had a real beer for a decade or so, and your memory is impaired by decades of substance abuse, dopeslaps, and freelance rumormongery for pirates, brigands, and thieves, why, they taste just like real beer.”
And then there’s hop water. Wait – hop water???
Hop water? Doesn’t that describe what one drinks by mischance in a country with questionable sanitation?
“’Scuse me, got to hop off to the terlet now. …”
Don’t forget your headlamp today. Apparently mangoman is going to fly right over your parchment of terra incognita around 10:30AM and hang his ass out of the plane for a few minutes.
Remember, don’t look directly into the crack.
Fat bastid is eating the sun. What, is Mickey D’s closed?
Totally overcast in Chi Town. And I had the 400 L ready, the Thousand Oaks Solar filter, and the eclipse glasses all ready — which is probably why it is totally cloudy. “No eclipse for you.”